to not wake up to find MiL giving her house guests a tour of my house?

(153 Posts)
abigboydidit Wed 16-Jan-13 13:12:24

So..am still a bit bleary eyed & stunned & it may be that I calm down once I wake up but I doubt it.

Am currently 39 weeks pregnant with DC2. Inlaws live relatively nearby so we gave them a house key a couple of weeks ago and emphasised that it was for labour related emergencies only. We have avoided giving them a key before as they have a history of invading our privacy (when I was on maternity leave with DS they would regularly turn up without warning or checking it was convenient. On one occasion I was in the ensuite shower and they appeared in our bedroom to inform me they were visiting). We told asked them not to visit without calling first but they constantly ignored this and continued to let themselves in if DS & I were napping to the point I got anxiety related insomnia and we asked for the key back.

So, DS is currently teething and I was up pretty much half hourly from 3-6am with him and then got him up & ready for nursery while DH headed to work. After dropping him off I went back to bed to recharge and was shocked to be woken about an hour later by voices in the hallway. In the confusion of wondering what was happening (initially I thought it was the radio) I was hoisting myself out of bed when MiL barged into our bedroom with 2 house guests she has visiting from USA. We have recently renovated our house and she explained she was giving them a tour as she was passing. She was really quite snide about the fact I was sleeping and made a few cruel jokes to her guests about me still being in bed at 11am when the breakfast dishes were still sitting on the kitchen table downstairs before heading out again. By the time I grabbed some clothes and composed myself to go downstairs (I was a bit teary and shaken) they had left.

I would welcome advice on what to do please. Unfortunately we are reliant on them for childcare when I go into labour so I know I can't do anything too hasty but I am very upset. I haven't called DH yet as he is likely to fly off the handle. I have spent the last hour or so feeling rather pathetic so am off for a shower now (with the key left in the lock!) and would welcome suggestions as to how I can draw a line under this.

ValentineWiggins Wed 16-Jan-13 13:15:22

Leave the key in the lock permanently if you are in the house...then if it's a labour related emergency you will be out and they will be able to get in...otherwise not! Or internal bolt on front door?

Oh you poor thing, I would phone DH and get him to sort his mother out she needs reading the riot act!!

Keep the key in the lock and get some rest, you certainly don't need this when you are about to pop!

Apart from the fact that I'm not pregnant, this could be me posting! This is one of the reasons why my parents will NEVER be given a key to my house!

jumpingjackhash Wed 16-Jan-13 13:17:31

shock that she would do that! 'Popping in' when you're on mat leave (whilst incredibly intrusive I can imagine) is one thing, bringing her own friends around for a nosey unannounced is beyond acceptable!

First, get a chain fitted on the door, so when you're in she can't just open it.

I'd also be asking for the key back - being available to look after her GS when you go into labour doesn't necessarily mean she has to have a key, does it?

abigboydidit Wed 16-Jan-13 13:17:31

Thanks Valentine. We do have an internal bolt but because DH often pops home during the day (he works out of an office in the house so sometimes needs to collect papers etc) I have tended not to use it. I guess he would be easier to train in the whole text/call when on your way etiquette though!

Thumbwitch Wed 16-Jan-13 13:17:56

Good Lord. The woman has absolutely no shame and no boundaries. Have you told your DH yet? Tell him, let him fly off the handle and tell his mother where to get off - that's outrageous!

And yes, ALWAYS leave the key in the lock from now on when you're in the house!

Bloody hell.

abigboydidit Wed 16-Jan-13 13:18:54

Thanks everyone. She did this once before Jumping at our old house and then moaned that she had seen her birthday present as I had left it out on our dining table to be wrapped hmm

OP: hopefully this will cheer you up and help you realise you're not alone:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1644962-Amd-the-passive-aggressive-award-of-2012-goes-to

Is there any possible way you can get some other labour related childcare? This would mean me taking the key back off them, I'd be so cross at this.

JohnBender88 Wed 16-Jan-13 13:20:12

I would throw a shit fit if my MIL did this! Does she really need a key just now? I'd take it back and only give it back when you go into labour and she picks up your DS and then ask her to hand it back once you're discharged.

It's a gross invasion of privacy!

My MIL was sat at the top of our road waiting for us to arrive when we moved then proceeded to shove me out of the way demanding a tour, I was 23 weeks pregnant and nearly smacked into the table. She also told the workman that it was her house. Bitch. She's asked for a key but I put my foot down.

WTF shock.

Phone your husband. Let him fly of the handle. Your MIL is unbelievably rude. Do not worry about childcare, she is obviously too nosey to turn up the chance to be right in the middle of your life. shock

NaturalBaby Wed 16-Jan-13 13:21:55

What a nightmare! Send her an email explaining how upset and offended you are that she invaded your privacy?
Homebirth?

Dawndonna Wed 16-Jan-13 13:23:46

I have a key to my son's house. I would not dream of using it unless he asked me to. Outrageous behaviour from your MiL. I'd be asking my dh to have strong words.

Tailtwister Wed 16-Jan-13 13:24:32

That's awful, how dare she! What an invasion of your privacy and that's not even counting her horrible comments. I don't know what to say apart from you have my sympathy.

Tailtwister Wed 16-Jan-13 13:25:35

Oh and yes, definitely put the chain on from now on.

KoalaTale Wed 16-Jan-13 13:26:05

Yanbu. I'd never speak to her again, get your key back and get alternative childcare! I'm furious for you!

ChasedByBees Wed 16-Jan-13 13:27:18

Phone your DH and let him have words - this is outrageous! I'd be trying to find other childcare. How dare she be snarky to you in your own home the cheeky woman!

ENormaSnob Wed 16-Jan-13 13:27:49

I would absolutely hit the roof over this tbh.

abigboydidit Wed 16-Jan-13 13:28:52

Thanks everyone. Unfortunately the key is needed as we live quite far away from the hospital and I have had a couple of admissions already where we needed them to collect DS from nursery and bring him back to the house. Still to tell DH as he will go overboard and she is likely to take the huff and refuse to help just to make herself more important. I was wondering about speaking to FiL as he is lovely, if rather downtrodden..

ThreeBee that is uncanny!!

StuntGirl Wed 16-Jan-13 13:29:22

Yes, let your husband know. She needs to hear from both of you that she is completely out of order for 1) letting herself in your house and 2) making any kind of comment on you or your house. Ask for the key back immediately. I'd go so far as to change the lock if she refuses.

Is there any possibility of arranging different childcare while you're in labour? This woman has no boundaries so you're going to have to set them - quite far away from your home and personal lives!

pumpkinsweetieMasPudding Wed 16-Jan-13 13:29:29

Get the key back asap, she doesn't' need it!
Surely she could have the dc at her house or do you have a dear friend that could pass on the key to her when the imminent labour starts??

After these incidents I wouldn't be allowing unknown access into my property!
Get yourself onto the stately homes thread for toxic ils and parents, they sound awful

diddl Wed 16-Jan-13 13:30:01

Ooh OP I`m so cross for you.

If I lived nearby I´d do your childcare for you-day or night!

milf90 Wed 16-Jan-13 13:30:23

omg!!! is there absolutely nobody else who can provide childcare?? friends???

otherwise i agree, take her key off her until you actually go into labour

Charge her an entrance fee next time she comes, as your house is now a top tourist attraction.
Seriously - get the key back! She has massive boundary issues. If you don't get it back before the birth you must must must get it once you have your newbie. Otherwise she'll be popping up all the time saying unhelpful things.

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