....in thinking the cost of weddings is becoming beyond todays young people

(313 Posts)
concernedrose Wed 16-Jan-13 00:26:45

DS is planning on getting married next year. He and fiance both have good jobs but are paying off student loans, and pay £850 a month in rent for a tiny one bedroomed flat. They also are trying to save for a mortgage. So imagine their (and our) horror at the price of weddings. It seems that to be able to do everything for under £10,000 is virtually impossible in the area we live in. And they have accepted they wont be able to have a honeymoon immediatly after the wedding. This seems a vast sum of money to me, but even calling in favours from friends and relatives, (ie cake making, invitation making, flower arranging) it looks like this is what it is going to cost. Oh well, anyone for beans on toast!!!

Hullygully Wed 16-Jan-13 08:41:37

It's shocking.

My ds got married last year and we had very little change from fifty grand!! And it was by no means a big fancy affair, we didn't even have the helicopter.

Poor young people just can't get off to a good start in life. As the govt is so keen on marriage there should be subsidies, they should match whatever the bride's father is paying.

As a handfasting celebrant I get to go to lots of weddings. The weddings that have been the best are those that are personal, not the ones that have all the "must haves" promoted by the wedding industry. A £300 dress can be as stunning as a £3,000 dress. A hog roast or fish & chips van can be as yummy as a 3* meal. A venue can be cheap, or with a handfasting, even free.

I can see that there is a move towards more personal (and cheaper) weddings, but it is a long time coming. Do the legal bit in a registry and then have a personal wedding celebration, not the conveyor-belt or lack of imagination that make "normal" weddings a little bit samey.

ENormaSnob Wed 16-Jan-13 09:03:26

Yabu

Have a look at some of the old threads on here about best/worst weddings.

Scheherezade Wed 16-Jan-13 09:13:08

Yabu. I'm getting married in July. Hiring our village hall for £6 an hour.

Scheherezade Wed 16-Jan-13 09:17:06

I do disagree with posters saying to just go to the registry office. The church ceremony isn't expensive, its the reception/party which costs.

Hammy02 Wed 16-Jan-13 09:21:30

YABU. Unless you live in Monaco, I don't believe you can't have a decent wedding for well under £10,000.

Bogeyface Wed 16-Jan-13 09:24:50

I know more than one couple who had to negotiate wedding debt as part of their divorce......

squeakytoy Wed 16-Jan-13 09:27:34

I live in Surrey and got married here. Absolutely no need to spend that much on a wedding.

Registry Office and a buffet reception is all that is needed. Very easy to do for under £2k.

iseenodust Wed 16-Jan-13 09:30:53

YABVU See all points above and then decide on winter wedding. Hotel venues welcome you in November and it's all cosy. wink

CailinDana Wed 16-Jan-13 09:32:01

We went abroad with our friends and only close family and had a fantastic time. Paid 80euros for a cake that would cost about 600 euros in Ireland, paid 700 euros for a photographer who would have cost about 3000 euros in Ireland (as he provided an album and 200 photos for that price) etc etc. Things in UK/Ireland are a total rip off. We had the full shebang for about £5000 - big dress, flowers, fancy hotel, the whole lot.

LadyMargolotta Wed 16-Jan-13 09:33:36

YABU. A wedding with 80 guests is a luxury. We just had 12 guests, and we all had a beautiful day anyway.

Hammy02 Wed 16-Jan-13 09:33:37

People get into debt for the sake of a wedding? For about 10 hours of a single day? Madness.

PaleHousewifeOfCumbriaCounty Wed 16-Jan-13 09:33:47

I got married in a gorgeous country hotel, in december, with roaring log fires and fairy lights. We didnt bother with a night do (spent that bit of the budget on two nights in a beautiful suite in a lake district hotel). We put two hundred pounds behind the bar and people paid for their own drinks after that. Food wise we had a beefed up afternoon tea, it was just lovely. Made my own cake, favours were retro pick and mix bags, dress was eighty pounds custom made from china. Photographer was a local lass starting out, didnt pay for a big album, negiotated a price for her edited work provided on disc. If you want my biggest tip? Dont get married on saturday. We got married on a friday, and gave people plenty of notice. When the price packages arrived, we compared their 'party menu' to their 'wedding menu'... Only difference was the price. I look at the photos and everything looks so relaxed, everyones laughing and chatting, drinking, and it looks so cosy.

AnEventfulEvening Wed 16-Jan-13 09:34:27

I know a couple who recently got married and had a reception for 60 people. Their budget was £1000 for everything (venue hire, dress, food everything).

You need imagination.

Their wedding was beautiful and very personal.

Unlike the couple we know who spunked £40k up the wall on theirs.

ElectricMonkBelievesInSanta Wed 16-Jan-13 09:35:21

I got married last summer in Bristol, and managed to do everything (including 10 day honeymoon) for easily under £3,000:

- Church fees were about £500, including choir, organist, flowers, and 2 sets of banns;
- Afternoon dinner/lunch was just over £200 at a lovely local pub, with 2 courses (starter and mains) each for 14 people;
- Cake was made by my MIL and served at her house;
- My DH's suit was about £260 from M&S (and is now his best work suit), my outfit came to £180 (tiara £30, dress £100 and shoes £50 could easily be worn again);
- My bridesmaids' dresses came to less than £60 for the pair, despite being from Monsoon and made of silk, because I bought them from a friend who sells overstock online;
- My bridesmaid stayed together as one lived in the city, so I only needed to pay for a hotel for the one friend who lived far away (came to about £70);
- We had my dad's car as our wedding car;
- I did the flowers, courtesy of Waitrose, for £12;
- I did the invitations and Orders of Service, courtesy of ebay, for abut £15;
- Our hotel room was a 2 night deal and came to £65;
- We didn't have a reception - everybody who wanted music came into town with us for a local festival;
- Our honeymoon was in England and lovely, it cost about £750 for 10 very indulgent days.

I think that's everything for about £3,000 and it could easily have been less if we had needed/wanted to cut back. We were lucky in that, as we were still students, nobody expected us to have the money to invite everybody's partners and have "venue" or a "reception". However, I think I'd do the same again, regardless of our circumstances - it was lovely to spend the day just with people we were comfortable with and wanted to spend a lot of time talking to, and the only people who found the day difficult or stressful were the ones who wanted to "keep up appearances" unnecessarily at the expense of everybody's convenience.

RubyGates Wed 16-Jan-13 09:35:24
BiddyPop Wed 16-Jan-13 09:36:57

My DBro is getting married this year, and reckons the wedding won't leave much change from 30,000. shock

When I got married (just over a decade ago), between everything, it cost roughly 7,000.

natwebb79 Wed 16-Jan-13 09:38:31

That's why we're buggering off to a registry office with two witnesses and booking a luxury hotel for two nights for our honeymoon. Even if I have a dress made and fiancé gets a suit it should come in at around £1500. Most of that's the hotel! Having a party for everyone weekend after. Pub does function room for free, family will chip in to do buffet. Will be wonderful grin

Lavenderhoney Wed 16-Jan-13 09:44:18

Why don't you look at hiring a village hall? Some are very pretty, they have loos, car park , and you pay an extra 50p an hour for music licence, or something like that. Then contact loal caterers and say its for a party, and a local good band -and some village halls have a bar too.

You will have to get your money out for a hotel. You pay for all the overheads etc. what about wine? Ask if you can provide your own and get onto majestic warehouse as they will provide glasses too. The hotel might charge a low corkage but you could negotiate.
Have you been to see them and asked how to cut costs, ie a cheaper menu, with more seasonal and cheaper ingredinets, tap water not bottled- ask to see the quote itemised line by line - and go through it ruthlessly.

Adversecamber Wed 16-Jan-13 09:44:57

If that is what people want fine but hotels charge loads. I went to a wedding where the couple got married under a gazebo decorated by the family and then had a huge BBQ last year, it was lovely.

We had registry office and village hall, not fancy but it is the marriage and not the wedding that counts.

It's the fact that people want stuff that is not actually required, they think they need it. If people can afford all the extra guff without getting in to debt or it being a hardship all good but I do not understand at all the tick list of must haves.

ethelb Wed 16-Jan-13 09:48:16

You don't have to have a hotel wedding (they rip you off imo) naice cars, expensive outfits, lots of flowers, rip off photographer you know. I hate the expectation that guests get fed twice and can get drunk for free (tipsy yes, but all you could possibilly drink? NO!).

A local village hall with a kitchen will be abotu £300 and caterers a couple of grand. Registry office is what £280? You can work out what extras from there.

wibblyjelly Wed 16-Jan-13 09:50:45

The problem is companies and hotels hear the W word, and add an extra 0 onto their prices!

Crinkle77 Wed 16-Jan-13 09:51:09

If they want to get married that deperately they don;t need to spend a fortune. You can go down the registry office.

BegoniaBampot Wed 16-Jan-13 09:55:10

know a girl who still lived with her mum and dad with her two kids an her boyfriend. they wanted their own place but put spending thousands on a big fancy wedding asa priority over a deposit for a house. probably way over 10 grand.

Jins Wed 16-Jan-13 09:59:09

It's all about getting married vs having a wedding isn't it?

Guests don't remember a 10k wedding any more than a 1k wedding I don't think.

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