...to wonder why my DH won't have sex with me?

(154 Posts)
Confusedandrejected Mon 14-Jan-13 19:48:41

Am a regular but have namechanged for this.

I'm feeling rejected, unattractive and unwanted as my DH won't as much as kiss me or hold me, let alone have sex with me, since our PFB was born three months ago.
He's sleeping in the spare room, under the excuse that he can't bear to be woken by my bfing at night. However, I think it's mainly because he's still repulsed by my body and doesn't want any sort of physical contact.

Prior to my becoming pregnant we had a fantastic sex life. But throughout my pregnancy my sex drive rose as his waned. He admitted he wasn't attracted to my changing body (I put on two stone, all bump and boobs) and we only had sex twice in the third trimester.

I hoped things would change once DS was born as I was so keen for things to get back to normal, but he's barely touched me. A kiss on the cheek is the most contact we've had. I talked to him about it and he says the birth (v long labour, failed ventouse, forcep delivery) has put him off.
This I understand, and I know I should give him time, but he won't hug me, kiss me or even let me give him a blow job (i hoped this would be a way to resume our sex life!)

I know it shouldn't matter, but fwiw I have lost all the baby weight and am back to my usual size 10/12. Still, he has pointed out the new jiggliness of my tummy, the few stretchmarks and the massiveness of my boobs while I'm bfing. He's even suggested I have a reduction as he dislikes them so much.

So AIBU to want some physical contact? I'm not trying to push him into sex, but I feel starved of any intimacy. I feel like a mother and not a sexual woman anymore- each night I'm feeding in our bed while he wanks off to porn in the spare room. I feel uncomfortable in my new postpartum body, a body he obviously finds repulsive. I'm scared he'll leave me and honestly don't know what to do.

chandellina Tue 15-Jan-13 20:30:22

He sounds like he could be depressed. I know no one wants to hear a word in his defense but it doesn't sound like he's coping very well with being a husband or father and maybe needs professional help.

shesariver Tue 15-Jan-13 21:37:00

He has been a bit on a nasty dopey twat, but as you say he has not always been like this

Actually the OP has said he has "form" for nasty cruel comments about her body.

OP I dont necessarily think you are a doormat, just a new Mum with all the ensuing hormones stuck in a pretty bad situation with no idea how to change it - and when you do try to talk to your DH it gets nowhere. Watch out for him getting worse as your DS grows, possibly getting jealous of your DS, he sounds like the type.

EarlyMorningBaconDemon Tue 15-Jan-13 21:49:17

What the fuck?!?!

I rag on my body almost weekly at the moment. Do you know what my partner does?! He gives me the biggest cuddle he can and tells me that, no matter if I've put on three stone since we met, he finds me even more gorgeous because of all that I've achieved and how complete I've made him feel with us and our son.

THAT is how it should be.

I'm sorry but what an utter cuntfarthing. I'm genuinely shocked. How on earth are the blokes of this planet ever going to learn?! Fucking hell.

Just remember that no matter what he says - you're still beautiful. You could be awake for 49 hours straight without a single scrub or shampoo and you'd STILL be gorgeous because you have a beautiful baby who you created. Don't let some dumbass wankstain bring you down because of it.

carmenelectra Wed 16-Jan-13 11:46:11

Agree with ledkr. Even if you thought those things, who in the right mind would say em??
Also, the blatant playing with himself to porn just to make op feel worse.

Doesn't sound like a depressed man, sounds like an idiot.

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