I could fucking kill him!

(114 Posts)
waltermittymistletoe Mon 14-Jan-13 17:11:46

SD lives in a different country. She's 18 and wants to come visit with her new boyfriend.

DH started a new job before Christmas and as such has no holiday time to take.

SD emailed last week to say she wanted to come from Saturday to Thursday. DH would be here on the Saturday and Sunday and then in work until 7.30pm for the rest of her stay.

Not only that. I have the school run for two dc at different times. So I won't be around for parts of the day and she can't come with me as there is one spare seat and two of them.

Last week we talked about it and decided that DH would explain the situation and ask her to come from Friday to Sunday (we are paying for flights).

Lo and behold she texts today saying she's booked time off from the Saturday to Thursday because that fucking arsehole never bothered emailing her.

Wtf do I do now?! I have 3 dc under 6 and I don't know what I'm going to do with them alone all week! If it was just SD I wouldn't care. I've often had her when DH had to work.

If this were a one off, fair enough. But he never bothers to phone, text, Facebook her. It's always me. In almost 10 years I've organised all her presents even coordinating with her mum on split gifts even though her mum despises me because she thinks I've come between them!

This is down to DH's behaviour. Nothing to do with me. He's just a lazy bastard when it comes to SD!

I'm so angry. I'll have to fix this and don't know how!

LifeofPo Mon 14-Jan-13 17:15:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheerMum Mon 14-Jan-13 17:15:50

Sorry but YABU, she is 18, she doesn't need you to babysit her so I on't see how her visit is going to cause you so much angst?! Did I miss something?

LifeofPo Mon 14-Jan-13 17:16:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Seabright Mon 14-Jan-13 17:16:38

She's 18 and coming to see her boyfriend; she's not going to want to be in all day with you!

They'll be out and about doing stuff. Leave them to it.

Valdeeves Mon 14-Jan-13 17:17:14

Sorry to be blunt but why's he such a rubbish father to her?

StuntGirl Mon 14-Jan-13 17:17:18

SD is step daughter?

Mutt Mon 14-Jan-13 17:17:25

Am I missing something?

Surely if she's 18 she can amuse herself with her boyfriend when you have to go out?

It's not ideal because she's obviously coming to see her Dad but that's his fault.

"fucking arsehole" seems a bit strong...

Do what you normally do and they can tag along if it doesn't involve a car.

scoutliam Mon 14-Jan-13 17:17:45

Not sure what the problem is? She comes, sees all of you when your around, entertains herself with her bf when you're not. What am I missing?
YABU.

ChaoticintheNewYear Mon 14-Jan-13 17:17:47

You don't have to fix anything. If there are any problems then it's up to DH to fix them.

If they are 18 can you not leave them in the house to amuse themselves and whatever you do DON'T imagine what they may get up to ?

And make sure you use them for some free babysitting - i.e. if you have to pop off for a school run that you normally bring a DC on, leave the DC home with them?

If they don't like it, they won't stay as long next time (win for you) and if they complain to your DH, let him deal with it.

HecatePropolos Mon 14-Jan-13 17:18:44

She's an adult. What does she need you to do?

Just get on with your day and leave her to it. She probably will be spending most of her time with her boyfriend anyway. Why does she have to come with you on school runs etc?

Gumby Mon 14-Jan-13 17:19:01

You're being wierd
She'll be out with her boyfriend no doubt

Mutt Mon 14-Jan-13 17:19:34

And as for you doing everything wrt maintaining contact, organising presents, etc. He doesn't do it because he knows you will.

Maybe you should have left more to him in the first place then he wouldn't take it all for granted.

CheeseandPickledOnion Mon 14-Jan-13 17:19:44

Why on earth would two 18 year olds need to come with you for the school run. LMFAO!!

They can entertain themselves surely? I don't see what the problem is at all except that your DH forgot to email?

squeakytoy Mon 14-Jan-13 17:20:29

eh? over-reaction much? she is an adult, she can be left alone with her boyfriend while you do the school run, and I am damn sure they can feed themselves and entertain themselves..

HollyBerryBush Mon 14-Jan-13 17:20:35

I don't understand why she has t o go on teh school run with you.

Can't she be left alone for a while?

She's 18

Paiviaso Mon 14-Jan-13 17:20:37

I don't really understand why you are upset.

SD is 18 and coming with her boyfriend. This means they are old enough to entertain themselves surely? If it's a holiday for them, perhaps they'll sleep late and then go out for a wander/to eat/whatever. You can leave them to it while you go out and do the things you need to do.

EnjoyResponsibly Mon 14-Jan-13 17:20:59

It does sound as though you're over reacting TBH.

At 18 she and BF can entertain themselves surely, and might also want to take the little DC to the park etc.

kinkyfuckery Mon 14-Jan-13 17:21:18

What's the issue? Do you not trust to leave your SD in the house unsupervised?

WorraLiberty Mon 14-Jan-13 17:22:03

Do you not like her much?

Why would you want to shorten her stay in the first place? confused

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 14-Jan-13 17:22:16

Infuriating, but it's done now.

She knows you have little ones and will understand about you having to go out on the school run.

If she is bringing her bf, chances are they'll be all loved up and excited about coming here together. Be amazing if they emerge for breakfast much before 10 am and then they'll probably be capable of going out on their own if they've travelled long distance to reach here. Don't know where you live but there must be something to visit, make sure they have adequate January clothing.

BonaDea Mon 14-Jan-13 17:22:59

Bascially, YABU. She's 18 and coming with her boyfriend so you don't 'have to have her', they'll be off doing their own thing.

I'm 33 and to this day my step mother always manages to make me feel like I am getting under her feet. If DH and I go to stay she doesn't so much as leave us one single spare drawer to put things in so we are always living out of our suitcase, we are constantly feeling like we need to not be in the way etc. It is hard and it makes the whole thing quite stressful as the guest. Assuming your SD still lives at home, it's not like she has another choice to be able to spend time with her dad (I also live in a different country from my dad, so days out together are not an option!).

On the other hand, I do understand that it is annoying having someone around your house all the time because, even if they can 'look after themselves' you do feel you need to entertain them and cater to them. Suggest you get your thinking cap on as to things they can do outside the home so that you can pack them off and get some peace. Good luck.

DontmindifIdo Mon 14-Jan-13 17:23:30

You fix it like this, you make him call her tonight, say he's really sorry but he can't get the time off and you have commitments, so she has two options, either try to change her time off (perfectly possible if he calls her tonight and she tries to change it in the morning) or she comes over but entertains herself. You'll get her bus/train details and "what's on in X area" info - she and her boyfriend can go out and enjoy a trip in the UK.

She's not a child anymore that needs entertaining, she's an adult who's perfectly capable to sorting her own time out. And she's bringing someone with her so she's not on her own to try to entertain herself. Does your DH work somewhere relatively interesting? (As in, the city centre) could she meet him for lunch one day?

Also depending on finances, could you stretch to paying for a hire car for them (assuming they drive) so they can get out and about without you, using your house as basically a 'base' for their holiday?

However he must call her tonight to discuss this. She can't be left to just turn up and then be presented with 'Dad's not about'. He needs to do this ASAP - not leaving it up to you.

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