Is it Unreasonable to bite your kids back?

(256 Posts)
AnneNonimous Mon 14-Jan-13 16:10:24

When they bite you? Or more to the point a baby?

DS is almost ten months and has discovered biting people. He has almost 5 teeth so it's painful, and he favours the boobs or face but will pretty much go for anywhere. It REALLY does hurt. A couple of times it's hurt so much I've screamed out and scared him so he's cried, but it hasn't stopped him. I've also given him teething rings or something else to chew on, told him 'no' in a firm voice everytime but to no avail - he won't stop.

Anyone I mention it to tell me to bite him back - not hard but so he understands what biting is. I can't quite bring myself to do it but I have to admit I've been close when he's really hurt me! Is it what you would do/ have done? I can't quite believe a 10 month old could learn a lesson that way I just don't know?

CatchTheFox Mon 14-Jan-13 17:42:41

nobody can MAKE you feel like shit littlebuddhas. but if you are feeling bad, perhaps a little introspection is the order of the day.

also, if someone on a thread bites you, perhaps it's best to ignore them?

ToyCarsHurtMyFeet Mon 14-Jan-13 17:45:28

Definitely not for a 10 month old baby, it would be inappropriate.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere Mon 14-Jan-13 17:47:46

I disagree Fox, I have explained myself over and over again. I'm getting sick of it and people need to know. I gave advice, explained myself when OP accused me of rudeness, yet still she and others have attacked me repeatedly. Is my advice any less valid because I don't follow the herd? Discussion is the point of AIBU, or so I thought. I am sick of being made out to be an ogre.

AnneNonimous Mon 14-Jan-13 17:51:17

Oh goodness.

Sorry Buddahs but I'm pissing myself at the irony

'Grow up OP!'

'I'm sick of the bitchiness on here!'

'How dare someone tell me to behave I'm not a child!'

mummyonvalium Mon 14-Jan-13 17:51:57

I remember DS1 going through this phase in a really major way, and loads of people suggested this strategy.

Oh dear it was not good. I remember he bit me so hard and I got so angry and I shouted at him "do you want me to bite you now?", he was screaming his head off as I pulled his sock off. As I went to do it I pulled back and asked myself at what stage it becomes abusive to him. I didn't do it and just put him down on the floor and left him for us both to calm down. He calmed down and did not do it again.

When DS2 came along I used that same strategy. Completely disengage and no more playing until he stopped. As a result his biting phase lasted about a week.

PickledInAPearTree Mon 14-Jan-13 17:52:17

Budda.

Op said she didn't feel comfortable biting him too aggressive in subsequent post.

Then you steam in with grow up.

You started it!

It's quite common advice to be given. She didn't say she was going to follow it.

polkadotsrock Mon 14-Jan-13 17:53:24

I am utterly at the end of my tether with ds biting me, and will admit to seriously considering this option. He is 14 months and only bites me (so far) always bloody me, at least twice a day. I just don't get it and no amount of 'no', putting him down, actual crying in pain etc seems to help. Sending me batty tbh - just so you know you're not alone OP

AnneNonimous Mon 14-Jan-13 17:53:31

And fwiw, everyone else gave the same opinion as you just not in a rude way. I didn't think you were rude because you thought biting a child isn't on, I thought you were rude because you told me to 'grow up' which is rude however you want to look at it.

Arthurfowlersallotment Mon 14-Jan-13 17:53:56

Fucking hell, you have to ask?

No biting!

Greensleeves Mon 14-Jan-13 17:56:48

You are having a temper tantrum because you were pulled up on a rude and nasty comment you made. If you had any sense, you would apologise properly and wind your neck in.

OP did nothing wrong, she posted for reassurance that she was doing the right thing - which she was! And the only person who felt the need to be rude to her was you. And it does matter. Parents need to be able to come on and ask for advice without being abused by people like you.

Grow up? Projection, much hmm

ClippedPhoenix Mon 14-Jan-13 17:56:50

Some people can dish it out but can't take it back huh grin

Telling someone to grow up is rather rude really isn't it.

goldiehorn Mon 14-Jan-13 17:58:01

Nolittlebuddhas crikey wind your neck in would you! Can you really not see the hypocrisy of what you are writing?

OP I think that you know that it is unreasonable to bite a child to teach them a lesson, especially a 10 month who wouldnt have a clue why you were doing it. Case closed! smile

goldiehorn Mon 14-Jan-13 17:59:20

x posts with Greensleeves re: winding your neck in!

PickledInAPearTree Mon 14-Jan-13 18:00:34

You just have to act consistently. No and move him away.

It shitty having a biter but it will pass!

Hulababy Mon 14-Jan-13 18:00:37

Telling someone to "grow up" only has one message really doesn't it - and yes, it's rude and not very helpful at all.

But anyway - OP had already said in the first post that she didn't feel biting back was the right thing to do. And yes - older generations did seem to thing biting back was the answer; luckily parents nowadays seem to realise there are far more effective ways of going about it.

PickledInAPearTree Mon 14-Jan-13 18:03:10

Hula I was AMAZED at the people telling me to do it.

Old young, lovely neighbours, teachers, a social worker.

Greensleeves Mon 14-Jan-13 18:04:55

I saw a teacher do it when I was at primary school. When all the children were lined up after playtime, she calmly called this boy out to the front and sank her teeth into his arm!

thank goodness things change! Imagine if that happened now shock

OwlCatMouse Mon 14-Jan-13 18:07:56

I thought the holidays were over? wink

ClippedPhoenix Mon 14-Jan-13 18:08:22

A little nip back and stating that biting hurts is a very logical thing to do.

No-one's talking about taking chunks out of anyone here well at least im not anyway

grin

MrsDeVere Mon 14-Jan-13 18:12:49

DC5 was my first biter. It bloody hurts!
The pain and shock can make you want to do unseasonable things to your precious babe.

It really is best to react as little as possible. 'No, not nice' and turn away briefly to reinforce your displeasure.

It is like slapping, spitting and hitting. Hard to ignore but the more you react, the longer it will go on for.

BlissfullyIgnorant Mon 14-Jan-13 18:14:38

I did it. Can't remember what age my DC was but I cried when I fessed up to HV. She patted my hand kindly and told me that it's often the only way. Sadly, it worked.

MrsDeVere Mon 14-Jan-13 18:16:16

The biting back advice was very common even when my eldest two were little.
It happened all the time when I was a kid.

snowybrrr Mon 14-Jan-13 18:17:38

Biting or 'nipping' a child is abusive.End of story.

perceptionreality Mon 14-Jan-13 18:17:53

Oh yes, I totally agree about redirection CatchTheFox.

perceptionreality Mon 14-Jan-13 18:18:24

HVs are telling people to do it? shock

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