to ask whether you would end this friendship?

(92 Posts)
Eatingdoughnuts Sun 13-Jan-13 19:01:46

Been friends with said friend for about 8 years. She is a self centred person and likes everything to be entirely her own way. I am fairly easy going but I think she's just starting to take liberties now. Some of the things she does:

Prides herself in being very "honest" and makes really personal comments. Always negative things, and often unasked for opinions.

Only phones me when she wants or needs something or is in the mood to chat. Very abrupt and rude to me on the phone if I want or need something.

Whenever we plan anything she always forgets about it. she'll suggest going to the cinema or for a drink, then when I phone her to check we're still on for our night out she'll have forgotten and will have made plans with someone else. I think she just uses me as a stand by in case a better option doesn't come along. I've said before well perhaps we could all go together when she's double booked but she said I couldn't go as I didn't know the other 2 people she'd arranged something with and I'd probably find it awkward having a night out with people I don't know.

Is always "too busy" to chat if I see her anywhere (school run) unless it suits her, in which case I can't get away from her. The other day I took a present round for one of her DCs, and she didn't answer the door. I assumed she wasn't in so left the present on her back doorstep and as I drove off she was merrily waving at me from a bedroom window. When I got home she sent me a text saying thanks for the present but she was about to have tea so hadn't answered the door. I hadn't wanted to stand and chat, just wanted to hand the present over safely!

Our DDs are good friends at school, and whenever there is any friction between them, which to be fair isn't often (they are only 7) she phones me up and gives me quite a hard time about it and always blames my DD. I am of the school of thought that kids are kids and I don't intervene in their little arguments unless it's something big. She phones me up sometimes all guns blazing over very minor issues, which are quite honestly 6 of one and half a dozen of the other. I'm sure my DD says/does things sometimes but equally her DD does too.

Says really inappropriate things such as she is sure my husband will leave me one day. And often speaks to me in a disrespectful tone.

Is very demanding and wants everything her own way. She once phoned me up at 7am demanding I gave her someone's phone number and when I said I was in bed and my phone was downstairs, I'd phone her shortly, she slammed the phone down. She also tries to make a lot of demands on me.

I try to give people a fair chance but I'm getting really hacked off with her!

LifeofPo Wed 16-Jan-13 21:11:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CuriousMama Mon 14-Jan-13 19:33:01

One step at a time.

Her dd sounds appalling I'd go off it if my dc said something like that, did the mum hear her?

Mia4 Mon 14-Jan-13 18:40:22

*not not bo

Mia4 Mon 14-Jan-13 18:39:43

OP since it looks like her daughter is becoming a chip off the old block I would make sure to talk to your daughter, encourage her to make other friends too and let you know if she feels bullied or uncomfy too. I'd also tell your friends who may get hasselled by her about you.

Personally, I'd just keep on top of the ignoring. Don't ask your DH to relay messages, get him to say 'i'll let her know you've called' bo 'i'll get her to call back-just passing on message and beware she may try to have a go on fb so just be prepared to be the same there-I'm busy etc.

Eatingdoughnuts Mon 14-Jan-13 16:20:58

She has just tried to phone but I didn't pick the call up! Thank goodness for caller display!

pluCaChange Mon 14-Jan-13 14:25:46

Wow, that's bloody rude.

Just keep making up scenarios in which you get the last word, ask her "did you mean to be so rude?", "Oversensitive, moi? When you have fallen out with sooo many people, who have managed to keep all their other friends?"

Can any of her former friendshelp you out with the bitchproofing? grin

The adrenaline kicks will give you confidence for the inevitable unpleasantness with her.

LondonNinja Mon 14-Jan-13 14:24:41

Wow, she sounds like a prize wanker. Stick to your plan and if she pisses you off, maybe give her a mouthful or shake your head pityingly and tell her you have nothing else to say to her.

Best of luck extracting yourself from the toxic witch!

Eatingdoughnuts Mon 14-Jan-13 13:12:49

It was her DD's party a week ago, and I turned up with my DD about 5 minutes early and her DD opened the door and said "can't you read? your invitation said 4pm not 3.55?"

That's what they are both like

Eatingdoughnuts Mon 14-Jan-13 13:11:30

That's what worries me a bit, SoftKitty. although my DD is pretty tough and I feel unlikely to be bullied, her DD follows in her footsteps in lots of ways and can be pretty unpleasant to other children at times.

SoftKittyWarmKitty Mon 14-Jan-13 12:14:34

She sounds like an utter bitch, OP. The kind that wants hangers-on and fans, rather than true friends.

Just keep an eye on your DD's relationship with her DD as she sounds like the kind of parent that would interfere with their friendship if you and her are no longer friends.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Mon 14-Jan-13 12:02:06

I think if she blocks this woman outright she'll hound her with phone calls etc...

ivykaty44 Mon 14-Jan-13 11:58:44

Just block her profile on facebook - it will look like you have vanished as you will not appear on any mutual friends facebook pages either and you will not see her and she will not see you.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Mon 14-Jan-13 11:06:10

curious if you go to settings on your status update you can restrict who can see your posts - friends, Friends of friends, everyone except...*eating*, hide every couple of posts from her initially. Effectively wean her off!

Eatingdoughnuts Mon 14-Jan-13 11:05:14

I think if she gives me extra grief then I will end up losing my temper with her at some point and telling her a few home truths.

it makes me laugh because she has had several fall outs in recent years and all of them have told her some home truths about her behaviour yet she never takes notice and thinks it's others and not her

Katisha Mon 14-Jan-13 11:02:44

You'll have to see how it goes but like someone said up thread, you'll probably get a lot of extra grief for a while as she objects to your behaviour.

Eatingdoughnuts Mon 14-Jan-13 10:58:27

grin

CuriousMama Mon 14-Jan-13 10:53:48

Oh and that was mn playing up, no really!! grin

CuriousMama Mon 14-Jan-13 10:53:17

Great plan smile How do you put people on restricted access btw? You could do it and just do what I do if people get 'accidentally' deleted and bring it up, I just say it's FB blush

CuriousMama Mon 14-Jan-13 10:52:46

Great plan smile How do you put people on restricted access btw? You could do it and just do what I do if people get

Eatingdoughnuts Mon 14-Jan-13 10:37:30

We are FB friends but she comments on anything and everything that I post. I think she'd notice if I put her on restricted access and would kick up a fuss. Think I'll let her keep seeing it all for now and then hopefully in a few months delete her.

HollaAtMeBaby Mon 14-Jan-13 10:31:11

Kill her?

Nah, not really grin

Are you friends on Facebook? If so you may want to remove her, or put her on limited profile so she can only see your basic info.

Eatingdoughnuts Mon 14-Jan-13 10:28:08

OK, so the plan is:

I won't answer the phone when she calls again. We have caller display on the home phone, which is where she usually phones rather than calling my mobile. If DH answers by mistake I'll tell him to relay a message to her that I'm busy but will call her back later. And then won't call...

If she collars me at the school or the shop wanting to chat I'll be in a terrible hurry and cut her short.

If she asks me to meet her or to go out for an evening with her I'll tell her I'm busy that day and that I have a busy couple of weeks ahead but I'll call her when I have more free time. And then I won't call her back.

If she speaks to me again regarding our childrens tiffs I will just say that I think we should just leave them to it to sort their own battles out. Said with a smile, of course.

I'll stop buying her children birthday presents and stop doing any favours or nice things for her.

Can anyone think of anything else?

CuriousMama Mon 14-Jan-13 08:45:31

Just go very cool on her. Like you say no point lighting the touch paper is there? She'll get the hint hopefully. Make yourself scarce, join WI or something, or groups if you have time. Unless she's in them wink

Eatingdoughnuts Mon 14-Jan-13 08:42:50

ChasedbyBees, I think if I said those things she would be like a dog with a bone and would not stop until she'd managed to convince me that somehow it was all me being silly, oversensitive and daft and that it was all my fault.

MusicalEndorphins Mon 14-Jan-13 04:50:35

She sounds unpleasant and mean. I would not bother with her again.

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