to ask whether you would end this friendship?

(92 Posts)
Eatingdoughnuts Sun 13-Jan-13 19:01:46

Been friends with said friend for about 8 years. She is a self centred person and likes everything to be entirely her own way. I am fairly easy going but I think she's just starting to take liberties now. Some of the things she does:

Prides herself in being very "honest" and makes really personal comments. Always negative things, and often unasked for opinions.

Only phones me when she wants or needs something or is in the mood to chat. Very abrupt and rude to me on the phone if I want or need something.

Whenever we plan anything she always forgets about it. she'll suggest going to the cinema or for a drink, then when I phone her to check we're still on for our night out she'll have forgotten and will have made plans with someone else. I think she just uses me as a stand by in case a better option doesn't come along. I've said before well perhaps we could all go together when she's double booked but she said I couldn't go as I didn't know the other 2 people she'd arranged something with and I'd probably find it awkward having a night out with people I don't know.

Is always "too busy" to chat if I see her anywhere (school run) unless it suits her, in which case I can't get away from her. The other day I took a present round for one of her DCs, and she didn't answer the door. I assumed she wasn't in so left the present on her back doorstep and as I drove off she was merrily waving at me from a bedroom window. When I got home she sent me a text saying thanks for the present but she was about to have tea so hadn't answered the door. I hadn't wanted to stand and chat, just wanted to hand the present over safely!

Our DDs are good friends at school, and whenever there is any friction between them, which to be fair isn't often (they are only 7) she phones me up and gives me quite a hard time about it and always blames my DD. I am of the school of thought that kids are kids and I don't intervene in their little arguments unless it's something big. She phones me up sometimes all guns blazing over very minor issues, which are quite honestly 6 of one and half a dozen of the other. I'm sure my DD says/does things sometimes but equally her DD does too.

Says really inappropriate things such as she is sure my husband will leave me one day. And often speaks to me in a disrespectful tone.

Is very demanding and wants everything her own way. She once phoned me up at 7am demanding I gave her someone's phone number and when I said I was in bed and my phone was downstairs, I'd phone her shortly, she slammed the phone down. She also tries to make a lot of demands on me.

I try to give people a fair chance but I'm getting really hacked off with her!

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Sun 13-Jan-13 19:26:18

the 'honest' but rude 'friends' are the one's who can't take any form of criticism.

If you are lucky and able to be honest with her, she will be so offended that she will end the friendship and you can breathe a sigh of relief!!

It seems to me that all the effort in maintaining the friendship is coming from you, so if you stop, the friendship will just slide. No need for grand flouncing statements about not being friends any more. Don't arrange to meet up, take presents round, call her or text her. If she arranges something be unavailable.

Nanny0gg Sun 13-Jan-13 19:27:07

I don't know why you're even asking!
Read your OP again, There is your answer!

Pollykitten Sun 13-Jan-13 19:29:50

My favourite brush-off (without further elaboration) "I'm afraid that won't be possible". Putting a vote in for fizzling rather than overt dumpage - that will just create drama probably. Put whatever time/effirt you were putting into her into your other friendships...

Pollykitten Sun 13-Jan-13 19:30:09

effort

Tricycletops Sun 13-Jan-13 19:31:22

the 'honest' but rude 'friends' are the one's who can't take any form of criticism.

This

HoHoHoNoYouDont Sun 13-Jan-13 19:33:18

Bloody hell, you must break away from her. She brings nothing to the 'friendship'.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sun 13-Jan-13 19:33:39

Yes, I totally agree, she sounds vile! I don't know if you'll be able to just fade away from her - based on what you said about hanging up on you etc? - bit I would just start being vague about arrangements: I'm not sure when I'm free, can I let you know?. It's not like she's going to try to put it in her diary anyway?!

timidviper Sun 13-Jan-13 19:34:02

She sounds really toxic. I would just distance yourself from her by being "busy" when she wants to meet, do the "sorry, on my way somewhere, can't stop" if you bump into her.

LadyBeagleEyes Sun 13-Jan-13 19:34:10

Or if she wants to go out just say 'Nah, don't really feel like it'.
Or 'I'm not in the mood'.

QOD Sun 13-Jan-13 19:50:39

You sound lovely, she doesn't

Ditch the bitch

Eatingdoughnuts Sun 13-Jan-13 19:55:03

those of you that say the people that pride themselves on brutal honesty can't take the same back have hit the nail on the head about her. She hates anything other than sweet, saccarine, bum-lickiness back to her.

StuntGirl Sun 13-Jan-13 19:56:55

I wouldn't think twice! yanbu at all.

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Sun 13-Jan-13 20:00:40

bum-lickiness grin

pluCaChange Sun 13-Jan-13 20:01:09

The phrase for this is "She can dish it but she can't take it."

Eatingdoughnuts Sun 13-Jan-13 20:03:19

Yes, that is exactly how she is! Dishes it out but can't take it. She's fallen out with many friends in recent years because they apparently aren't nice to her and don't treat her well, and she has regular arguments and fall outs with various colleagues as again no one is nice to her

piratecat Sun 13-Jan-13 20:05:50

'oh whatever' and puts the phone down.

oh my god, what an entitled, boring, selfish piece of work.

don't answer the phone, say you're busy. you are being a pushover, sorry but save your normal, nice nature for someone who is worth bothering with.

LifeofPo Sun 13-Jan-13 20:06:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LifeofPo Sun 13-Jan-13 20:07:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sun 13-Jan-13 20:09:08

I doubt you'll cut contact with her fully since your DDs are friends. Why not try the MN response next time she's 'brutally honest' with the Did you mean to sound so rude?

manticlimactic Sun 13-Jan-13 20:09:41

8 years? You've done well lasting this long (or rather she has).

I had a friend like this. I was bridesmaid at her wedding. I lasted longer than all her other friends(2 years) as I would pull her up on stuff. She said I was all me,me,me when the reality was she was the one who everyone life should have revolved round.

After I dumped her rude, opinionated, self centred arse I heard she was telling all and sundry what a nasty cow I was over finishing the friendship. Like I gave a shit. I was just glad she was out of my life, although I had to see her at work.And now she's trying to be all pally again - I told her to get fucked. grin

mrsfassbender Sun 13-Jan-13 20:11:23

She sounds like an utter tool. Is she a friend you have made due to your DDs being friends? I wouldn't bother with her anymore.

Eatingdoughnuts Sun 13-Jan-13 20:17:55

Mrsfass, I met her when we were pregnant and we've carried on being friends and by sheer chance really the DDs have stayed best friends through school.

manticlimatic, I have pulled her up on her rudeness a couple of times and she says it's me that's oversensitive and that I'm hard work and not to take things so personally, when I don't feel that way with other friends, just her.

mrsfassbender Sun 13-Jan-13 20:20:04

Sorry for not reading more carefully, I would have seen your DD is 7 and you've been friends 8 years!
She does sound awful OP and not worth the effort. I agree with your DH's advice and YANBU

ToyCarsHurtMyFeet Sun 13-Jan-13 20:25:57

I had a so-called friend exactly like this. Always wanted everything her own way, thought she was the Queen Bee. Rude about everyone. Slagged everyone off behind their backs. Sulked if you didn't want to go to the same pub/cafe as she did. Sulked if you didn't agree with her about every little thing. I eventually had to instigate a break-up by sending an unkind text about her to another friend who I knew would show her; it was the only way to get rid of her after months of more gentle trying. You would be well to get rid; it might be painful short-term but you'll feel better long-term.

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