to ask whether you would end this friendship?

(92 Posts)
Eatingdoughnuts Sun 13-Jan-13 19:01:46

Been friends with said friend for about 8 years. She is a self centred person and likes everything to be entirely her own way. I am fairly easy going but I think she's just starting to take liberties now. Some of the things she does:

Prides herself in being very "honest" and makes really personal comments. Always negative things, and often unasked for opinions.

Only phones me when she wants or needs something or is in the mood to chat. Very abrupt and rude to me on the phone if I want or need something.

Whenever we plan anything she always forgets about it. she'll suggest going to the cinema or for a drink, then when I phone her to check we're still on for our night out she'll have forgotten and will have made plans with someone else. I think she just uses me as a stand by in case a better option doesn't come along. I've said before well perhaps we could all go together when she's double booked but she said I couldn't go as I didn't know the other 2 people she'd arranged something with and I'd probably find it awkward having a night out with people I don't know.

Is always "too busy" to chat if I see her anywhere (school run) unless it suits her, in which case I can't get away from her. The other day I took a present round for one of her DCs, and she didn't answer the door. I assumed she wasn't in so left the present on her back doorstep and as I drove off she was merrily waving at me from a bedroom window. When I got home she sent me a text saying thanks for the present but she was about to have tea so hadn't answered the door. I hadn't wanted to stand and chat, just wanted to hand the present over safely!

Our DDs are good friends at school, and whenever there is any friction between them, which to be fair isn't often (they are only 7) she phones me up and gives me quite a hard time about it and always blames my DD. I am of the school of thought that kids are kids and I don't intervene in their little arguments unless it's something big. She phones me up sometimes all guns blazing over very minor issues, which are quite honestly 6 of one and half a dozen of the other. I'm sure my DD says/does things sometimes but equally her DD does too.

Says really inappropriate things such as she is sure my husband will leave me one day. And often speaks to me in a disrespectful tone.

Is very demanding and wants everything her own way. She once phoned me up at 7am demanding I gave her someone's phone number and when I said I was in bed and my phone was downstairs, I'd phone her shortly, she slammed the phone down. She also tries to make a lot of demands on me.

I try to give people a fair chance but I'm getting really hacked off with her!

Katisha Sun 13-Jan-13 19:04:08

Yes. No point in maintaining such a friendship with someone who just uses/drains you.

BarredfromhavingStella Sun 13-Jan-13 19:05:08

Don't think you need any of us to tell you that it is time to dump, just read the OP back to yourself........

HollyBerryBush Sun 13-Jan-13 19:05:12

She's hard work - consign her to 'experience' and move on. Rapidly!

TheVermiciousKnid Sun 13-Jan-13 19:05:36

You would be unreasonable not to end this 'friendship'! Does she have any good points?

Corygal Sun 13-Jan-13 19:05:40

User. Bin her.

SamuelWestsMistress Sun 13-Jan-13 19:05:51

Give her the boot. She sounds horrid.

Eatingdoughnuts Sun 13-Jan-13 19:06:28

Not many good points, no. She'll do the occasional favour for me but that's it

Tamdin Sun 13-Jan-13 19:06:48

To answer your question. Yes I would absolutely end this friendship. I wouldn't make any big 'it's over' statements I would just be unavailable until she drifts off. She sounds like very hard work. You sound lovely smile

LadyBeagleEyes Sun 13-Jan-13 19:07:58

Why do you even have to ask? confused
She's not a friend.

She isnt your friend. There is no friendship because that would imply it goes two ways.

Ignore ignore ignore.

ZZZenAgain Sun 13-Jan-13 19:08:06

let it fizzle out, do absolutely nothing to maintain it

Eatingdoughnuts Sun 13-Jan-13 19:08:26

Awww thank you Tamdin. And thanks everyone else for the advice.

Eatingdoughnuts Sun 13-Jan-13 19:09:15

So do you all think then that next time she asks me on a night out I should just say I'm busy? DH says not to answer the phone to her again when she calls me, and to just be very off and vague in texts in reply to her texts.

SantasENormaSnob Sun 13-Jan-13 19:10:42

She's a cock.

Ditch immediately.

lovelyladuree Sun 13-Jan-13 19:11:34

Do you really need to ask?

manicbmc Sun 13-Jan-13 19:11:40

Yep, say you're busy and don't commit to anything.

ZZZenAgain Sun 13-Jan-13 19:12:03

I'd say I am not sure if I'll be free and sorry but I am in a bit of a rush right now since she hasn't been very nice to you up to now. I think your dh is right. Whizz past when you see her at school, just say "hi" and "in a mad rush!" Don't answer the phone if you see it is her number. Just withdraw from it without a big blow-up for the sake of the girls' friendship.

Of course you can tell her what you think but tbh I doubt she will see your point of view.

rumbelina Sun 13-Jan-13 19:14:33

Friends don't tell other friends their husbands will leave them one day.

ChuffMuffin Sun 13-Jan-13 19:15:40

She sounds like she's doing a good job of ending the friendship herself. Although I can't actually see much of a friendship going on.

Do yourself a massive favour and bin her off. You'll feel so much better. smile

LadyBeagleEyes Sun 13-Jan-13 19:18:43

Just stay polite, but don't engage.
If she phones to ask you to go on a night out, just say 'no, I can't manage that' but don't make excuses.
She'll eventually get the message.

Viviennemary Sun 13-Jan-13 19:19:40

She certainly sounds an absolute pain. I would avoid making any plans with her if she is so unreliable. Just be evasive. But don't do a big fall out thing if your DD's are good friends.

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Sun 13-Jan-13 19:21:24

Yes, do not agree to night's out and if she wants to chat be abrupt - she wouldnt think twice of being like that with you!

What a cowbag.

Tricycletops Sun 13-Jan-13 19:22:26

Prides herself in being very "honest" and makes really personal comments. Always negative things, and often unasked for opinions.

Used to have a 'friend' like this - she just didn't get that she wasn't honest, she was bloody rude. Unfortunately my self-esteem was on the ground and it's only now that I realise just how horrid and unnecessary some of the stuff she said to me was.

She drifted away from me and I realised eventually that actually I liked it that way and made no effort to pursue her. I think you know what you need to do.

Eatingdoughnuts Sun 13-Jan-13 19:24:54

She seems to take great offence if ever I'm anything less than lovely, sweet and nice to her. She phoned up once when I was in the middle of cooking a meal, and my youngest DC was having a tantrum and I said that I had to go as I was in the middle of lots of things, and she just said "Oh whatever" and slammed the phone down.

Tricycle, it's hurtful isn't it? She makes so many honest comments and literally points anything and everything out. My DD is a little larger in build than her DD and she points that out regularly. She points out if she thinks I've gained weight or if she doesn't like my hair

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