To think we should be fertile from 25-50 ish?

(115 Posts)
Allthenamesiwantaretaken Sat 12-Jan-13 17:46:50

Just a bit frustrated that at the time I actually am starting to feel grown-up enough (ish) to try to conceive (aged 34) that apparently my fertility is about to fall off a cliff. We have been trying for a little while to no avail and I am wirrying about my eggs, I know everything else is ok. I'm not sure I even feel grown up enough yet but am feeling the clock tick-tick-ticking away!

tiggytape Sat 12-Jan-13 20:29:12

There are definitely times when it would be totally impractical to have a baby aged 20-30 but there's an awful lot of procrastinating now too.

It is one thing if you haven’t yet met your partner or got any kind of security at all but more and more people want every last detail of their lives totally perfect before committing to children which can mean leaving it too late at all.

People talk about buying a house then a bigger house and decorating it top to bottom and get promoted and doing all the exotic holiday destinations they fancy and sorting out a grand wedding and going back to do a bit more studying....
Which is fine if you’re quick but for most people, a time will never come when everything else is just perfect so one day you just have to decide to go for it anyway.

LadyIsabellaWrotham Sat 12-Jan-13 20:37:53

The problem with having a baby when both parents are fifty is that whilst most people are still alive and (relatively) well at 65, a significant minority are dead or have had a health catastrophe. If you want to maximise the chances of both parents being alive and well until their children reach (say) 16 then you want to be having them before you're forty. Mortality and morbidity have improved a lot but there's still a big difference between thirty and fifty.

TheBrideofMucky Sat 12-Jan-13 21:33:21

I'm all for matching men's fertility windows up with ours tbh. grin Several women I work with are in their mid/late thirties and being given the run around by men of the same age who "don't want to settle down yet."

I also think things are changing. I walked out of uni into a graduate job but that doesn't happen so often now. I know people in their thirties who don't have any prospect of owning a house in the near future, people in their mid twenties who still live at home etc. It's taking so long to get hold of any real security, the options seem to be have children young, get it out of the way early and bring them along for the ride or wait until the main securities (job, house, wedding) are in place, by which time fertility is declining. I think I was one of the lucky ones. Not sure which option I would have gone for if I hadn't had my "happy accident" with ds1.

lapsedorienteerer Sat 12-Jan-13 21:37:57

Married at 36 (DH 40), no thoughts of DC. Pregnant at 39, DS at 40.......so yanbu.

SamuelAndOscarsMummy Sat 12-Jan-13 21:43:06

Even though I'm 24 and pregnant with my second I don't actually think you are being unreasonable. I probably should of waited til I was a bit older to have my babies then uni & nights out etc would all be out of the way & more of my friends would be settled with partners and children. Obviously I don't regret my baby boys in any way though, they are the best thing in my life smile

I don't know about ladies having babies at 50 to be honest, it sounds absolutely awful but I don't think I would want to be in my 60s before my children were even teenagers, I want to be able to relate to them properly! I hope you get pregnant soon though!

ilikesweetpeas Sat 12-Jan-13 21:48:07

I'm with you OP! Took me a lot of time and help to have DD at 35, I would LOVE another but age as well as unexplained infertility is against me now sad

juule Sat 12-Jan-13 21:52:30

In an attempt to reassure you I'd like to say that I had no5 at 35y and no9 at almost 44y. Also 3 m/c in between.
I dont know how long youve been ttc. However, I was told to seek medical help if no conception in 2y if under 35 or 1y if over 35.
Hope you have the news you want soon smile

LST Sat 12-Jan-13 21:55:59

I don't agree with the 25+ bit. I started trying for ds at 20.

MadBusLady Sat 12-Jan-13 22:01:17

I read this recently which claims a lot of our standard stats about fertility over 35 come from outdated sources. Don't know any more about it than that, but it was an interesting read.

Catchingmockingbirds Sat 12-Jan-13 22:05:40

There should be a longer window for fertility, but saying 18 - 25 yr olds shouldn't be able to have children but a 50 (ish) year old should be able to fall pregnant is completely unreasonable. Many people are basing the idea that under 25s shouldn't be parents on the fact that they may not be financially secure. Many are financially and emotionally ready to have children (I know plenty of great parents who had their dc before turning 25) and many 50 (ish) year olds really shouldn't fall pregnant.

It's awful that you're struggling to conceive but to then say under 25s shouldn't then be parents because it's not fair on those who waited to have children is completely unreasonable.

My ability to parent for instance is no less than yours just because you're older.

50shadesofpink Sat 12-Jan-13 22:06:07

OP I'm 35 and have been trying two years. I already have a DC who is 5.6 but this time round it's just harder to fall. So I am there with you in relation to frustration!

Good luck to everyone TTC hope 2013 is the year for us.

littleducks Sat 12-Jan-13 22:15:58

I guess I'm just another offended by the 25 thing but I reckon it is a question of priorities.

I had children young because to me that was the most important thing. I didn't wait for circumstances to be perfect -everything can change pretty quickly anyway- I do want a career but I'm working on that now (I have two dc) as I'm expecting to work way over 50, probably not draw a pension till my 70s and I wouldn't be able to have children then.

porridgewithalmondmilk Sat 12-Jan-13 22:19:26

littleducks, children are the most important thing for some of us old fogies wink hence some of us need to provid them with a stable home and so on. My life before I was 25 was very chaotic and dysfunctional (through no fault of my own I hasten to add) all the same it would not have been a suitable environment to bring children into.

I have left it longer because I want my child(ren) to have the best, not necessarily in terms of material possessions, but rather for me to have matured and be the best parent I can be. I didn't feel ready until I was about 28 and as it is have had to wait until I'm 33 because of other issues.

Allthenamesiwantaretaken Sat 12-Jan-13 22:23:02

For any I have accidentlly offended, I picked 25 as an arbitary number, was meant in a light-hearted way, more about the challenges of trying to get the basics sorted (finding someone with whom you wish to concieve, and they you, is hard enough) and just when you do your fertility starts to decline. (in my case).

HollyBerryBush Sat 12-Jan-13 22:31:24

Interesting the thought evolution should have caught up - the average age of death ranges from 39 in Mozambique to 85 in Japan with the mean average being 68 world wide.

I don;t thin kevolution moves that quickly; 400 years ago you were xonsidered old by 40 in England. Our teeth havent evolved for one thing to continue eating past 40 - it is only medicine (ie fillings and dentures) that allow us to keep going.

Take away vaccinations and antibiotics et cand I think you'll find we'd all still pop our clogs at around 40 .

sameoldlovebunny Sat 12-Jan-13 22:32:47

no. we should change society to suit our 14-30 fertility window.

honeytea Sat 12-Jan-13 22:53:58

We started ttc when I was 25 but my DS was born when I was 28, just because your at the "ideal age" doesn't guarantee you will have an easy time getting pregnant, I guess it just gives you more time to sort out the problems.

Allthenames you say you "know everything else is ok" have you done all the tests? endometriosis can show few symptoms and have a great effect on fertility. Has your DP had a sperm anaysis? have you had an hsg?

Good luck, I hope you are pregnant soon!

deleted203 Sat 12-Jan-13 22:59:38

Well....you can think what you like but it won't change the facts of nature, unfortunately. It's one of those situations where you have to accept that 'it is what it is'.

Personally I think Johnny Depp should be on the phone every day begging me to be with him. But it doesn't mean it's going to happen, sadly.

weegiemum Sat 12-Jan-13 23:05:58

I'm glad I had my dc when I was 29, 31, 32 as by 35 my fertility must have been falling off the cliff, I was totally through the menopause by 40.

Yes, people in their 40s have babies, but I really wouldn't want to count on it.

I couldn't imagine having a newborn now at 42, I'm far too tired already!!

TillyTommyTootToot Sat 12-Jan-13 23:16:48

I had my ds at 21 the year I graduated from college, when he was six months I got my job and then my house. I know it sounds terrible but I really don't feel any sympathy for anyone who suffers fertility problems after leaving it so late to start!

CloudsAndTrees Sat 12-Jan-13 23:21:41

Yabu. Mother Nature knows what she is doing.

tiggytape Sat 12-Jan-13 23:22:45

I do feel sympathy because a lot of people don't choose to leave it that late - life just happens that way.

But I am still puzzled by (for example) a 34 women planning her wedding for 2 year time saying she wants 'at least 2 or 3 years' together as a married couple before they even try for children. Loads of women fall pregnant at 39 but if you're unfortunate enough to be a couple who needs help or time, it might be far too late by then. I don't why people just assume they'll be the ones that it all happens easily for when everyone knows infertility is a huge issue for many.

Fakebook Sat 12-Jan-13 23:27:53

YABU. I had my dd at 24. Then from age 26-28 had loads of miscarriages. It doesn't matter if you're 25 or 35 or 45, if you're body doesn't want you to have a baby, it won't let you regardless of being in the fertile window.

Allthenamesiwantaretaken Sat 12-Jan-13 23:37:07

Tilly, that's really harsh, I haven't left it too late (hopefully) I am 34. I didn't meet my DH until I was 32, nearly 33, some (many) women don't meet someone until a little later on

soontobeburns Sun 13-Jan-13 01:07:55

Im 23 and have been TTC since I was 21 and been told I need IVF. Im glad I didnt wait until I had a house etc in order as I would be much older and not able to take the time to conceive.

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