DP still isn't home!

(111 Posts)
AmIOverReacting Sat 12-Jan-13 05:29:51

Okay so I've been with my DP almost 5 years, we've got a 3month old DD

In the past he's had a habit of going out for a drink and not coming home until the next morning, not phoning or picking up his. The first time he did it we argued and I told him it wasn't what I wanted from a relationship, if that's what he wanted to do then that's fine we'll go our seperate ways but he said it wasn't and it wouldn't happen again. A couple of months later the same thing happened we had a massive row and I told him once more and I was done. 2w later we found out I was pregnant, I was on the pill and took it when I was ment to but it failed but our DD is the best thing that's ever happened to us. We had a huge heart to heart and I told him I didn't want to be a single parent and our relationship was great apart from when he didn't come home and I told him that I ment what I said last time and it still stood even when we had the baby and that I didn't want to be a single parent but I would if he did this again.

I'm sure youce guessed where this has lead, well he hasn't come home angry I was ment to grab him and he phoned to say don't bother ill be home in an hour (this was at midnight) , he never came home so at 3 I phoned and he said his list wasn't ready to bring him yet so he'll be back later and still isn't and I haven't bothered phoning again. He'll come back drunk out his head., fall asleep and tomorrow will swear him was home before now and won't understand what my problem is

I've spoke to my friend in RL and she think IBU and him not coming home isn't a big deal and I no a couple of his mates GF just put up with it, so I don't know if I am just being over the top. I'm so angry and ready to tell him to pack his bags but I don't want tho through our relationship away and I don't want to split our family up, he's. great dad and I know it will kill him being apart from us, but I feel like he knows I don't like it but why will he ever stop if he know ill just be pissed off for a day of two

So AIBU or is he? Would I be over reacting by telling him to leave?

hoodoo12345 Mon 14-Jan-13 13:44:09

Did you get things sorted out op?

MTBMummy Mon 14-Jan-13 14:39:24

Hi OP - how are you doing?

My ex-H used to do this OP. Note, ex-H. I didn't reproduce with him and thankfully no contraception fail. One of the reasons was because I knew he would never change, not for me, not for a baby.

We broke up a decade ago and I am now happily married with a beautiful DD. I bumped into ex-H last summer at a friends' party. You know what? He hasn't changed. He's even serial dating women with the same name as me, none of whom was at the party.

I wish you well. I hope this is the shock he needs (make sure it is a big, serious shock). I don't think it will be so plan for a split. Good luck.

AmIOverReacting Tue 15-Jan-13 21:56:35

Hi, sorry I haven't been back to update I've only just come home today. Me and "D"P are having some time apart. I saw him earlier today so he could see DD, I don't want to be accused of stopping contact, and I got how sorry he is and us all being apart has made him realise how much he's got and what he could and might lose and how he'll change ect ect. I told him I don't know if I believe he'll change and I still want time apart and he can't expect that he can say sorry and then come home and carry on as normal because it won't. Me and DD deserve someone who puts us first and actually wants to be part of a family

Not to sure how things are going to go but I've completely shocked him by doing this

GregBishopsBottomBitch Tue 15-Jan-13 22:21:04

Am Well done, my love, stay strong and stick to those guns, if you decide to give him another chance, then keep him at a distance, make him prove himself and make it loud and clear, if it happens again, then its done for good.

Although i understand if you didnt want too, hes a class A dickhead.

LorenaCompton Wed 16-Jan-13 13:56:00

Well done. Fingers crossed that this is the shock he needs to wake up and start behaving like a responsible adult. I don't think overall that getting drunk and crashing at someone's house all night is the worst thing that anyone can do by a long mile, but doing it regularly and not telling you what is happening is a shitty thing to do. You deserve more than that, you deserve a father for your DD who is reliable and who you know will be there for you two.

Stay strong and make sure he understands what you want from him in the future, and what behaviours will be unacceptable.

KellyElly Wed 16-Jan-13 15:12:02

Stay strong smile

BabsAndTheRu Wed 16-Jan-13 15:31:34

You are some woman AM. It's really brave and strong what you are doing and I really hope everything works out for you, whatever decision you come to. You are a really great mum. Good luck with everything.

Crinkle77 Wed 16-Jan-13 15:34:00

I am sorry but I doubt he will change until he has got the partying out of his system. From what I can gather from your post your baby was a surprise. He is only 26 and maybe did not feel ready to become a father. Some of my boyfriends mates are exactly the same. They love their partners and children but as soon as they are 'let off the leash' they go beserk but would go mad if their girlfriends did it. How they can have the cheek to be so hypocritical is beyond me. I am sure that when he is sober he is sorry and means it when he says it won't happen again but once the demon drink takes hold then all that goes out the window. Perhaps it does not help if his mates don't have kids or will feel embarrassed if the take the mickey out of him for going home.

hoodoo12345 Wed 16-Jan-13 17:32:07

I really hope this is the kick up the arse your dp needs, good luck op.
x

mrstowers Wed 16-Jan-13 18:09:13

Good for you OP. You should expect only the best for yourself and your daughter!

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