... to expect my 9yo twins (boys) not to stick their fingers up each other bums?

(67 Posts)
uptight Fri 11-Jan-13 14:49:36

I mean, really. What's that all about? Is a recent trend and makes me lose it completely. Through clothes I hasten to add and seems an extension of the wedgie, another popular wind up which succeeds in winding me up much more than each other. I've had the serious chats, begged, whined, screamed, pleaded, cajoled all to no avail. Should I just get over myself and ignore or frogmarch them down to the nearest police station?

DamnBamboo Fri 11-Jan-13 14:55:00

NO, it's disgusting and they shouldn't be doing it.

Tell them, if they were older and did it to somebody else they could well find themselves down the nick being charged with assault.

MarmaladeSkies Fri 11-Jan-13 14:59:49

I wonder if this has somehow been transported from Japan.It's fairly common there.I think it's called Kancho. Children also do it to adults. It's assault no matter who does it to whom.

MarmaladeSkies Fri 11-Jan-13 15:02:47

I'd do as Damnbamboo says.And that they could,and will be, be in big trouble for it,even now.

RightUpMyRue Fri 11-Jan-13 15:03:52

Are they just poking each other in the general bum area or actually going internal, albeit through clothes? Sounds sore if they are.

WaynettaSlobsLover Fri 11-Jan-13 15:04:08

Tell them they will get worms or something

RyleDup Fri 11-Jan-13 15:05:28

Erm, no, you're not unreasonable to want them to stop doing that!

uptight Fri 11-Jan-13 15:05:39

I have! Found myself in the territory earlier of almost being about to explain the technicalities of secual assault, anal sex & rape but caught myself up short and decided to breathe and get a grip. It happens when they're in the throes of twin boy mayhem rough and tumble and ti all goes a bit too far. Dunno if any other mums of twin boys can relate to this - I think it's different from the usual sibling rough & tumble becuase they're exactly the same size and there isn't that thing about the bigger one stopping when the smaller one has enough - it can get really quite heated and violent. Well it looks violent to me - I have to say I don't often get them coming to me with actual injuries.

Interesting what you say marmalade about kancho - i have a feeling some kids just do it and think it's funny - i remember a cousin of mine doing it to his sister 40 years ago at our house and me standing there horrified. they grew our of it and seem perfectly well adjusted and normal now. Course it's not the sort of thing you bring up with friends over a coffee!

DoctorAnge Fri 11-Jan-13 15:08:09

That is a bit wrong isn't it ? God knows what you do though...

uptight Fri 11-Jan-13 15:09:11

I think it's general poking in the middle of the bum area rather than actual insertion. You see as I type that I'm thinking I have got this way out of proportion. Maybe they have picked up on my revlusion and that makes it more attractive.

littlewhitebag Fri 11-Jan-13 15:12:21

They really need to stop doing this. I am a child protection social worker and i have carried out investigations with kids for doing less. The problem might come if they play rough and tumble with other kids and do it to them. That child tells their parents/teacher and you have police and SW at your door. Have you had the chat about parts of the body that it is not acceptable to touch on other people (usually the area covered by underwear)?

MarmaladeSkies Fri 11-Jan-13 15:17:15

I still think you have to come down hard on it.I don't believe that it's acceptable behaviour,here or in Japan,and it might not be so bad if they do it to each other.They could end up in a lot of trouble if they try it with another child.

MarmaladeSkies Fri 11-Jan-13 15:18:09

That should read 'And while it might not be quite so bad if they do it to each other,they could get into a lot of trouble if they try it on another child'.

Getoutofmygumboot Fri 11-Jan-13 15:24:17

Thy do it on Japan? Why? Is it like something they enjoy or what? I'm confused confused

Anyway, I would tell them it's rude and disgusting and punish them if they carry on.

SashaSashays Fri 11-Jan-13 15:25:32

Yanbu, they shouldn't be doing it. I have twin boys, much older than yours but I have no recollection of them doing this, although they were quite revolting in various ways so its nothing new.

How do you normally stop them from doing things? My approach would be, new rule, 'you are not allowed to do (this), it is dangerous/disgusting/unacceptable etc etc it is now forbidden' then I would enforce the rule, if they do it, there would be some sort of punishment.

Also would probably bring in a bit of peer pressure type thing, how if they did that to someone else they would think them very strange etc.

valiumredhead Fri 11-Jan-13 15:27:21

They are probably doing it because they know it winds you you OP grin

flurp Fri 11-Jan-13 15:31:30

Wait till they get to secondary school! There is such a thing called a bell tap where they kind of slap each other on upwards on the balls!!!! Obviously I have had words about this and they have thankfully moved on to peanuting each others ties!!
Boys are quite horrid at times!! confused

valiumredhead Fri 11-Jan-13 15:33:25

They are flurp actually children in general are!

I'm sure they are smart enough to know that this is not acceptable with anyone else except your twin brother who is equally as revolting grin

MarmaladeSkies Fri 11-Jan-13 15:36:06

I don't think anyone enjoys having it done to them,Getout,but rather a lot of children seem to enjoying doing it to others.I think it tends to be seen as a childish 'prank' there,when it's actually sexual assault.

It's not just a Japanese thing I think.I've read of similar in South Korea.It's not acceptable anywhere imho.

LeChatRouge Fri 11-Jan-13 15:36:32

I am a mother of twin boys, they went through a particularly naughty stage at 7-8 involving willies and bottoms.

One such incident was when my mum's cousin came to visit. She is not a mum, so has not spent a great deal of time around children. At first she thought they were very amusing and a real novelty....'how do you tell them apart?'... etc...but then.... I popped to the loo and returned to find the oldest twin bent over in front of her, trousers round his ankles, pulling his bum checks apart. Full moon. Mortified does not cover it.

If they did something really stupid or naughty, what worked for me was quickly and quietly separating them immediately into different rooms, distracting them to do something and completely ignoring the bad behaviour.

If it helps, I always quote the years when they were 7-8-9 as the worst for me, they are 19 now and pretty nice people.

Thingiebob Fri 11-Jan-13 15:39:28

They will probably grow out of it. My brothers used to do all sorts of gross shit to one another. They are now perfectly well adjusted grown up's with kids of their own. Most likely screaming at their sons not to be vile.

Important to talk to them about 'bad touching' and how it is not acceptable with other children or public as it is assault and the police will be on your doorstep.
That should scare them sufficiently!

HannahsSister40 Fri 11-Jan-13 15:39:35

littlewhitebag, you've carried out investigations for less?
Are you serious? I'm baffled by that.
Kids don't have an adults eye view of sexuality and the implication of what we, as grown adults, perceive as sexual behaviour. They just don't.
As a child in the 70's and 80's I played doctors and nurses with friends and there was touching and it wasn't sinister or deemed an 'assault'.
I had a totally normal, loving family background.
Actions we perceive as sexual are often just simple childish curiosity.
As a society, we in the UK are utterly hung up on this.
Children don't think like adults.

Thingiebob Fri 11-Jan-13 15:41:56

the oldest twin bent over in front of her, trousers round his ankles, pulling his bum cheeks apart. Full moon. Mortified does not cover it.

My 2 and half year old DD did this to her five year old boy cousin. I thought he was going to cry... especially as he was trying to watch Power Rangers at the time.

valiumredhead Fri 11-Jan-13 15:43:33

I agree hannah

Horsing around albeit inappropriately with your brother is not sexual assault.

uptight Fri 11-Jan-13 15:50:48

Oh thank God you sensible people have come along valium, hannah, thingiebob and le chat. I really would rather they stopped it but what you've all said is what i really think and was just checking it out here. You have put it very while Hannah. For the record I have told them all the things suggested here re bodies and touching and all. It will pass.

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