To think being in hospital with a baby on chemo isn't a 'break'?

(78 Posts)

I'm in hospital with my baby who has cancer and is having chemotherapy.

The nurse we saw earlier asked if I had older children. When I said yes, she replied, 'Oh, so being in here is a bit of a break for you then.'

I replied, 'Er, no, it's not really a break having a baby on chemo and I also miss my older ones.'

!!!!!

(I'm sure she was just trying to make conversation and am not really annoyed but just had to share... But please be nice to me... You understand why.)

SageYourResoluteOracle Fri 11-Jan-13 01:09:40

Loops sad

I used to work at Social Services and said a couple of absolutely fucking stupid things to people. Even the professionals get it very wrong sometimes and rock and hug themselves in the toilets afterwards.

I'm sending healing thoughts your way Praying.

CuriousMama Fri 11-Jan-13 02:45:13

How very strange of her? hmm

I remember sitting with my dsis and dn when dbil was having the tests done after they switched his life support off. The nurse next to us was joking away. Until she got the look off me. I had to sit with each of them as they test twice. Horrific.

I'll pray for Beatrice too so sorry to hear this x I've just found out today my neighbour's toddler has a rare cancer, they only found out this week he's on chemo already. I'm still in shock. Their other ds plays with my ds2 he adores his brother sad

Take care chick xx

pigletmania Fri 11-Jan-13 07:21:02

Well praying for you and your little Beatrice for a speedy recovery. As a professional she should know better

HDee Fri 11-Jan-13 07:30:19

I will go against the grain and say YWBU. You were being rude and mean, and the nurse was just making conversation. Hyper-sensitive reactions are the reason I don't talk to anyone any more - whatever you say, someone will manage to take offence.

I can't count the number of times when my babies were in hospital that I heard that line, but you must have known what she meant? For what it's worth, I probably did have an easier job than my husband who was at home juggling four other children/school/house/work/homework blah blah blah.

I hope your daughter is better soon, but you will need a tougher skin if a throw-away comment upsets you so much.

rocketeer Fri 11-Jan-13 07:34:12

I don't see where the op was rude and mean Hdee, she just replied to the question put to her.

merlottits Fri 11-Jan-13 07:35:33

No it's not a break you poor thing.

Nurses are just people though and say stupid, foot in mouth things all the time. What she probably meant was that its a break from the monotony of packed lunches/homework etc?

I'm the nurse who asked the amputee why they had a pile of 'single' socks, why the reflexologist only needed half the usual time and where her 'other' shoes were (over a few months). Told the paraplegic who was paralysed in a car accident that their room was so messy it looked like a car crash <kill myself now>, told the post-mastectomy women that men are all the same they love a nice PAIR of boobs and recommended a novel I had just read to my terminally ill patient's husband called 'how to talk to a widower'.

I need to be locked in cage.

I hope things are going OK and good luck for the future X

pigletmania Fri 11-Jan-13 07:38:50

HDee te op was not rude just truthful, what do you want her to say hmm. Op replied to the question n the best way she could at the time. It must be heartbreaking being helpless watching your very sick chid, not knowing the outcomes, whether teir going to make it or not! sad

ledkr Fri 11-Jan-13 07:40:47

Just wasn't thinking I expect. Of course it's nit a break.
Poor you and poor baby.
How is she doing? How are you doing?
I have spent weeks in hospital with two of mine and its horrible and draining.
Can you get home now and again if dh or you mum sits with Beatrice?

strumpetpumpkin Fri 11-Jan-13 07:45:54

HDee, WTAF???

OP ywnbu, im so sorry youre going through this.

GrannyRatOnAScooter Fri 11-Jan-13 07:48:29

The Op is being rude and mean??? Are you for real HDee ? I think you need to re-read your post to see who is rude and mean.

The OP is hyper-sensitive - perhaps but her BABY is in hospital with CANCER

--

OP, I am sending you and your precious baby and other DCs and famly my very best wishes. You are in my thoughts.

Doyouthinktheysaurus Fri 11-Jan-13 08:06:20

YANBU she was incredibly insensitive and thoughtless, I hope she does reflect on what she said and think before she opens her mouth next time!

I'm sending positive vibes for you and your dd.

I'm a mental health nurse, I've been known to make comments about things driving me mad to my patients blush We have a constant noise in our clinic room which is noticed by everyone and is very irritating so it's been taken in good humour I think

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 11-Jan-13 08:19:36

No prizes for a way with words but hopefully outweighed by her professional adeptness.

Thinking of you and baby Beatrice x

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 11-Jan-13 08:21:53

HDee I am sorry you've obviously had a tough time with sick children but disagree with you that OP was rude and mean.

CuriousMama Fri 11-Jan-13 08:35:23

merlottits you need gagging!

threesocksmorgan Fri 11-Jan-13 08:43:30

wow
I mean wow. silly cow.

I hope you gave her a death glare

valiumredhead Fri 11-Jan-13 08:58:07

When ds was prem and very ill and in SCBU a nurse said "Go home and enjoy the peace and make the most of the break."

Dh had to practically restrain me hmm

Very sorry you are going through this OP x

McNewPants2013 Fri 11-Jan-13 09:07:40

Having a child in hospital is not a break.

Many parent go without having a proper meal, proper sleep and its lonely and a very worring time.

Hope your Daughter gets well soon.

CuriousMama Fri 11-Jan-13 09:13:00

Valiumredhead sad People like this really should make other career choices imo.

Badgersnatch Fri 11-Jan-13 09:13:44

Very trivial but the dentist once suggested that I'd enjoy going for a scale and torture polish because it would be a break from the children.

My thoughts are with you and DD.

giraffesCantGoFirstFooting Fri 11-Jan-13 09:16:33

Some people say fuckin stupid stuff, I remember a nurse telling expat she would "look back and laugh about how worried she was about this all one day" as her dd was about to embark on a bone marrow transplant to try to save her from leukaemia. Yes it is hillarious hmm

Thinking of you op x

mackerella Fri 11-Jan-13 09:24:00

Apart from anything else, it's hardly a "break" to be responsible for all of your child's increased care needs 24 hours a day (have been there myself with a baby on chemo, OP, so I really sympathise)! My DS was on a specialist paediatric oncology ward and the nurses were completely busy just dealing with chemo, IV antibiotics, meds, routine obs - they didn't do any of the "normal" care, which was all done by parents. The other posters on this thread have mentioned the stress and worry of having a child on chemo, but I actually found the day-to-day stuff far more exhausting (clearing up endless vomit and diarrhoea, giving NG feeds every 4 hours day and night, trying to entertain a grumpy, ill baby who is tethered to a drip stand...)

I hope your DD's treatment is going well, OP - hang in there! smile How much longer have you got in hospital?

GirlOutNumbered Fri 11-Jan-13 09:25:01

A policeman told my mother (I was 13 and had just experienced a peeping tom at my window) that I should be flattered someone was out at that time of night leaving me love notes. She also had to be restrained.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Human beings are stupid, but most of them don't mean to be mean.

I hope things work out well for you all.

extracrunchy Fri 11-Jan-13 09:27:20

God that was insensitive of her! I'm so sorry you're going through this. Thinking of you x

expatinscotland Fri 11-Jan-13 09:28:20

What a stupid thing to say! Yes, being with my child with a life-threatening disease is a break.

I got that, too, from some ignorant gits, when DD1 was in onco.

I'd tell them, 'What an odd thing to say, when I'm worried sick about this child (my child died) and it's impossible to get a full night's sleep in here.'

Yes, I remember being told I'd laugh about this one day. I can't say I ever have or will. In fact, most days, I wish I were dead. If my husband were competent enough to look after my surviving children, I would be. Since he's not, I'll hang round till they grow up, if I'm lucky. After that, adios.

And I won't be laughing.

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