to think its ok for a child to not like something(66 Posts)
i was telling my mum, what i thought was a funny story about ds2 (2 and a half ) having his first taste of a soft boiled egg and 'soldiers' for his dinner he dipped it, lcked it and pulled a face like it was a lemon and then said "no thankyou" so i made him a sandwich instead
my mum told me i shouldnt have given him anything else and he would have to eat it if he was hungry and i was too soft on him
mean unreasonable or am i being soft?
When young loved everything my DM cooked for us, but remember always being hungry and wanting more, which she didn't have. But I hated the school dinners we had at secondary school and couldn't eat the lumpy mashed spuds and custard, or the stew as made me wretch. Never chips in my day. Started at 12 to make my own meals at home and bake cakes.
I do think that children may get away with being too picky these days though. It does seem they will only eat stuff they really really love.
DS1 tries it on with veg quite a bit in spite having loved it till he went to school but I just say that we can't always have just our favourite things all the time and that he loves the other stuff on his plate so he will usually eat it albeit reluctantly. I wouldn't 'force' it on him i he really really disliked it of course as that is just cruel.
I have learnt my lesson as when he was 2 he refused to eat his weetabix which was his favourite, I made him wait until lunch time to have anything else even though he was starving. That evening I gave him his milk which he also loved and he refused to drink it and kept making faces. I tasted it and it was off (a bottle opened that morning fresh and in date). I felt so awful!
If he genuinely did not like it then she is BU. If his way of trying things he doesn't necessarily want to eat is licking them then saying no then YABU as he is playing you. If he is good at eating stuff then it really doesn't matter if he doesn't like eggs etc, my DCs are good eaters but there are lots of things they don't like, although I find their tastes change a lot over the years and they become used to things.
My niece decided she doesn't want to eat ANY fruit (after liking all of it), if SIL asks her to try it she literally places it in her mouth then makes herself gag. SIL thinks its ok as she has 'tried' it.
Lavenderhoney, nope, mine in Bristol!
It is ok not to like something: it is not ok to refuse to try more than once, to express your dislike rudely (though I would make allowances for young children) or to expect people to provide alternatives. A 'no thank you' should be accepted (with some pride!) but without any obligation to provide something else. Relaxed is good at mealtimes imo. Saving yourself for the next meal does no harm.
What a polite little guy! YANBU
YANBU, he tried it ad didn't like it, fair enough imo. I don't understand people who force food on their children, I certainly don't eat anything I genuinely don't like the taste of.
DD is 4 and hates banana, has ever since weaning stage, she tried it again every six months or so because I think she likes the idea of banana's (she loves monkeys!) but actually hates the taste. I don't ever try to make her eat banana as that would be mean.
She has previously been a fussy eater and had a limited selection of foods she would eat, I am so happy as since turning 4 she seems to have turned a corner and recently ate (and liked!) mushroom, onion and parsnip, things she'd never have touched before
If its something new (or I know he isn't keen on) I will do something else as long as he tries it. If he is just been awkward then I don't give anything else.
He is 3 and thankfully a pretty good eater most of the time
Sleepy wombat, did you go to my school? Surrey? We had that stuff too.
Op, rustle up something your mum won't like and when she turns up her nose and doesnt clear the plate, say well, you'll get it for tea then
Lavenderhoney, that's awful. And it's those crappy teachers we're paying generous pensions for (soapbox)
Lavenderhoney, how horrible! School was so different 20-30 years ago, wasn't it? I remember being punished with no playtime for refusing to eat my compulsory weekly dosage of badly cooked liver & onions. Also 'no playtime' meant sitting in the hall, on my own, completely unsupervised aged 6!
He sounds lovely and your Mum sounds a bit mean. It was something new, he tried it, he didn't like it, he said so nicely... what's the problem?
Just remembered at primary school there was scrambled eggs made with water/ milk and all runny for lunch. A group of us kids( not sitting together) wouldn't eat it. We were kept back fom afternoon lessons and sat at a table together and told to eat up or we would be there til home time. Dinner ladies all stood in circle with teacher glaring at us. One girl, sobbing her heart out, started forcing it down. She bought the whole lot up in projectile vomit over the table and us.
Hysterical crying from all the kids, and we were all punished with no playtime rest of the week.
I think that my parents making me eat was more about wastage. My mum was pretty poor & wouldn't have been able to make me something else, a lot of the time, so it was that [disliked] food or nothing. I remember my dad getting soooo angry when I said I didn't like the porridge he made me as he didn't have any more milk or food.
I was a ridiculously fussy eater as a child. I did have a fair amount of dinner ladies/my mum standing over me making me eat, but it hasn't scarred me too much - I eat anything & everything now (within reason, obviously - e.g. not too keen on kidneys)!
I agree, for my dd I've always had the rule that as long as she tries everything on her plate it's ok to leave something if she doesn't like it. It very rarely happens. What does happen is sometimes things she has privously disliked is now yummy. I reinforce every time that trying something because you might like it now is important. Sometimes I have to really convince her to try it but it's great then when she likes it because it proves what I said. She loves fruit, veg, salad and her favourite dinner is scrambled egg and beans. She rarely eats all her chips if given but will ask for more carrots every time.
(just realized that sounds a bit well you know, she also loves squash and choc)
Not read the whole thread but YANBU & just wanted to say you should be proud of yourself for teaching your boy such beautiful manners. X
She is bu. it's great he tried it and didn't like it, so you were reasonable back and said ok have something else, as I am sure we would all like to be treated.
Mine always try, or lick it then recoil but they always try before saying no thank you, it's not to my taste. It's a good thing to teach, shouting " yuck" is not on IMO, other people might like it!
I try new things at lunchtime, then if they don't eat it's fine, but always with something they like. If its curry or something I have it for me and they try a bit on a normal lunch. We are not hostile and controlling round food
My mum, otoh, once refused to let me have anything other than toad in the hole Thursday's. It really made me feel sick. She said no, you'll eat if youre hungry with a superior controlling smile I still remember today. I didn't have tea on Thursday's for 2 months before she relented and let me have a cheese sandwich instead. I would not treat my dc like that.
No, YANBU. I give my DC food they don't like, but it is on a plate with food they do like.
Its a generational divide thing. If my kids don't like food, I don't give it to them. I try to introduce new things along with other foods - and if they try it and don't like it there are other things already on the plate. My mum would agree with OPs mum and "making work for yourself" etc etc.
I'm never sure whether these determined attempts to tell you that children must eat what they are given and can't be allowed to have dislikes is genuinely because grandparents suffered from a lack of choice in the past or whether it is actually a handy opportunity to dig at contemporary attitudes! parenting!
Because I was born in the 50s and we weren't short of anything. Admittedly, we were comfortably off but actually, my mother said she ate remarkably well during the war although you had to be a very creative cook.
However, my former MIL who'd been a Land Girl and enjoyed plenty of food during the war always took great pleasure in muttering on about people (i.e. me) making "rods for their own backs" because they insisted "pandering to fussy eaters".
In truth, children are as entitled to have genuine dislikes. So while I expected my dcs to try new food, if it became clear that they really didn't like a particular thing - mushrooms for ds2, jam for ds1 being particular hatreds - I couldn't see any reason at all to force them to try and eat it. And no, they didn't grow up to be fussy either, quite the opposite!
YANBU. My DD has a pretty limited diet. She will eat odd things - squid, octopus, sushi etc, but will not eat potatoes apart from chips, she'll only eat raw carrot, tolerate cucumber, tomatoes are a total no no.
My parents, nice as they are get a bit cross with her and her picky ways. I'd rather she ate than insist she eats certain stuff. Especially as she is pretty skinny anyway.
She does love a shekel dippy though. It must be undercooked, she's been known to drink shekels from the shell <can't cook eggs>
Maybe your mum isn't quite of the 'rationing' generation, but post-WWII rationing only stooped when I was 6, so I'm told, so if you didn't like what you were given , there really wasn't anything else to eat.
I think that's where a lot of these remarks come from.
Don't be too hard on the older generations. As grandparents DW and I periodically get a justified YABU look or comment from our DCs now. And we taught them the principles of childcare!
Contrast today's TV News report that nowadays up to 50% of edible food never makes it to the dinner table. Not good.
I pick tomatos out of my sandwiches, i tried them and i cant stand them, my mum never forced food on us, its a battle not worth having.
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