to think its ok for a child to not like something

(66 Posts)
mamamibbo Thu 10-Jan-13 21:00:28

i was telling my mum, what i thought was a funny story about ds2 (2 and a half ) having his first taste of a soft boiled egg and 'soldiers' for his dinner he dipped it, lcked it and pulled a face like it was a lemon and then said "no thankyou" so i made him a sandwich instead

my mum told me i shouldnt have given him anything else and he would have to eat it if he was hungry and i was too soft on him

is she mean unreasonable or am i being soft?

Jamdoughnutfiend Thu 10-Jan-13 21:36:29

I don't mind as long as they try food before saying they don't like it.

imogengladhart Thu 10-Jan-13 21:37:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontmindifIdo Thu 10-Jan-13 21:39:02

BTW - my mum is the same on 'you must eat it if prepared' - to the extent she was most cats bum mouthed at the Christmas dinner table when my 36 year old DB wouldn't have any sprouts and as the cook I just said 'ok, DH can you pass DB the carrots?' when I apparently should have just plated him up some and then she could have nagged him to eat them... However as it was my food he was rejecting, it should have been me to make a fuss. <sigh>

SoldeInvierno Thu 10-Jan-13 21:41:27

I was forced to eat everything as a child. Nowadays, I am quite fussy. I've had my fair share of eating food I didn't like.

If I had been allowed to reject certain foods, I would have probably tried them on my own time and liked them. As it was, I just developed a total hate for them.

I think you did the right thing.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Thu 10-Jan-13 21:45:08

Dontmind you mum is aware that your DB is now a free thinking adult right, how bizarre to think she could nag him, and sprouts of all things, bleugh!!!!!!

UniS Thu 10-Jan-13 22:48:13

I accept DS's dislikes of certain flavours, as he can spot them with out "knowing " he is being given them. Other things I ignore as he has happily eaten them on many occasions and is being faddy or has wolfed too many sweets before dinner ( christmas period just gone).

SO I have a child who really does not like banana, any citrus fruit or the flavours of these, also dislikes baked beans and other tinned in tomato sauce things, jelly and yogurt... makes it slightly tricky when he goes to tea at friends houses. Thankfully he has stopped crying at the sight of jelly and now just says "no thank you".

ithaka Thu 10-Jan-13 22:57:11

I think as long as they have tried it, that is fine.

My DD became incredibly fussy through the toddler and younger years, but I never let it become a battle, I never made her eat anything she didn't want.

Suddenly, at around age 14 she started wanting to try all the things she had previously turned her nose up at. Now at 15, she pretty much eats anything. So I am sticking to the same strategy for her wee sis.

Cherriesarelovely Thu 10-Jan-13 23:04:17

Crikey! He is only little, Yanbu. It is great that he is trying different foods and you are being positive about his efforts

LuluMai Thu 10-Jan-13 23:24:41

She is being unreasonable. As an adult I'm not forced to eat anything I don't like, so I don't why children should be. Hate the "eat it or starve" mentality.

PurpleStorm Thu 10-Jan-13 23:40:57

I think your mum is being unreasonable. It's unrealistic to expect a child - or an adult for that matter - to like a food the first time they try it.

As far as I'm concerned, with my DS, the important thing is that he's given it a go and tasted it. He might not like it the first time he tries it, but a lot of foods are acquired tastes and it can take lots of tastings at separate meals to acquire them.

I also think that forcing children to eat food that they don't like can backfire. DH and I both have hatreds of certain foods after being forced to eat them when we were children.

Cabrinha Thu 10-Jan-13 23:43:58

There are genuine dislikes. When my baby was 6 months old I put a chunk of banana in front of her and she looked at it like I'd put a lump of coal down and flicked it off with disdain. Sadly - as it's a fab food, cheap, prepackaged, healthy, big - she still, 4 years on, will not touch them!

Sometimes she's just being fussy - so the rule here is if you turn something down, you're on bread and butter.

This is the reason toast was invented, surely grin

If I make somethinf new and dd doesnt like it, I just make her some toast.

Startail Thu 10-Jan-13 23:49:35

YANBU
Far from every body likes boiled eggs. I don't and the DDs don't.

And I've tried the keep trying a little bit thing with cucumber, because it feels so childish to pick it out of my sandwiches.

DD1 loves it so I've tried lots of little bits. I still hate it!

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 10-Jan-13 23:49:55

Maybe would have encouraged a proper bite rather than just a lick but no,I don't think there is much to be gained from forcing a toddler to eat something they don't want.

Especially after they were so sweet about it too!

Smellslikecatspee Thu 10-Jan-13 23:54:37

He tried it, he didn't like it, and he very politely refused any more. (Very cutely too)

How would your Mum like it if you made…kangaroo testicles for dinner? She tried one didn't like it would she have to eat the other one?

You aren't being soft, just keep introducing it and never make a big deal about it.

SamSmalaidh Thu 10-Jan-13 23:54:52

I would have been really pleased if my 2.5 year old actually tried a new food grin

GregBishopsBottomBitch Fri 11-Jan-13 00:00:51

I pick tomatos out of my sandwiches, i tried them and i cant stand them, my mum never forced food on us, its a battle not worth having.

Avuncular Fri 11-Jan-13 00:03:35

OP
Maybe your mum isn't quite of the 'rationing' generation, but post-WWII rationing only stooped when I was 6, so I'm told, so if you didn't like what you were given , there really wasn't anything else to eat.

I think that's where a lot of these remarks come from.

Don't be too hard on the older generations. As grandparents DW and I periodically get a justified YABU look or comment from our DCs now. And we taught them the principles of childcare!

Contrast today's TV News report that nowadays up to 50% of edible food never makes it to the dinner table. Not good.

Avuncular Fri 11-Jan-13 00:04:31

stopped not stooped - sorry

ripsishere Fri 11-Jan-13 00:53:09

YANBU. My DD has a pretty limited diet. She will eat odd things - squid, octopus, sushi etc, but will not eat potatoes apart from chips, she'll only eat raw carrot, tolerate cucumber, tomatoes are a total no no.
My parents, nice as they are get a bit cross with her and her picky ways. I'd rather she ate than insist she eats certain stuff. Especially as she is pretty skinny anyway.
She does love a shekel dippy though. It must be undercooked, she's been known to drink shekels from the shell <can't cook eggs>

Pandemoniaa Fri 11-Jan-13 00:56:28

I'm never sure whether these determined attempts to tell you that children must eat what they are given and can't be allowed to have dislikes is genuinely because grandparents suffered from a lack of choice in the past or whether it is actually a handy opportunity to dig at contemporary attitudes! parenting!

Because I was born in the 50s and we weren't short of anything. Admittedly, we were comfortably off but actually, my mother said she ate remarkably well during the war although you had to be a very creative cook.

However, my former MIL who'd been a Land Girl and enjoyed plenty of food during the war always took great pleasure in muttering on about people (i.e. me) making "rods for their own backs" because they insisted "pandering to fussy eaters".

In truth, children are as entitled to have genuine dislikes. So while I expected my dcs to try new food, if it became clear that they really didn't like a particular thing - mushrooms for ds2, jam for ds1 being particular hatreds - I couldn't see any reason at all to force them to try and eat it. And no, they didn't grow up to be fussy either, quite the opposite!

So YANBU.

anonymosity Fri 11-Jan-13 02:38:48

Its a generational divide thing. If my kids don't like food, I don't give it to them. I try to introduce new things along with other foods - and if they try it and don't like it there are other things already on the plate. My mum would agree with OPs mum and "making work for yourself" etc etc.

MammaTJ Fri 11-Jan-13 04:43:52

No, YANBU. I give my DC food they don't like, but it is on a plate with food they do like.

Lavenderhoney Fri 11-Jan-13 05:04:49

She is bu. it's great he tried it and didn't like it, so you were reasonable back and said ok have something else, as I am sure we would all like to be treated.
Mine always try, or lick it then recoilsmile but they always try before saying no thank you, it's not to my taste. It's a good thing to teach, shouting " yuck" is not on IMO, other people might like it!

I try new things at lunchtime, then if they don't eat it's fine, but always with something they like. If its curry or something I have it for me and they try a bit on a normal lunch. We are not hostile and controlling round food

My mum, otoh, once refused to let me have anything other than toad in the hole Thursday's. It really made me feel sick. She said no, you'll eat if youre hungry with a superior controlling smile I still remember today. I didn't have tea on Thursday's for 2 months before she relented and let me have a cheese sandwich instead. I would not treat my dc like that.

YorkshireDeb Fri 11-Jan-13 05:24:22

Not read the whole thread but YANBU & just wanted to say you should be proud of yourself for teaching your boy such beautiful manners. X

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