Do anyone elses parent's offend them without meaning to?

(27 Posts)
happynewmind Thu 10-Jan-13 20:58:16

My dm rang earlier, she is taking me out to X for my birthday as a treat but I can only have a or b meal and pudding as they are the only low calories ones they have.

She mentioned losing weight before Christmas and I said I wouldnt mind losing too so she wasnt meaning to offend but still..

Squeegle Thu 10-Jan-13 21:11:31

That is infeasibly rude, and if she doesn't know she is being offensive, I really think its time to tell her!

pjmama Thu 10-Jan-13 21:13:12

She probably thinks she's being helpful and maybe thinks if she points out there are low calorie options, you're less likely to turn her down due to being on a diet? Not very tactfully put though!

laughinglikeadrain Thu 10-Jan-13 21:15:37

DSis and I were making new year lunch at her house... mum kept shuffling into the kitchen, shaking her head and laughing.

she said... i never thought i'd live to see the day you werent fighting.

We havent actually fought since we were 10!
But she did upset me!

Oh and one day i arrived and said ' hello mum'
she said 'what are you doing here?'
I said 'its wednesday, i always come on a wednesday'
she said 'well, noone ever tells me anything'

I left. i had been going there on a wednesday since i left home 5 years earlier.

she's batty, my mum!

deleted203 Thu 10-Jan-13 21:15:47

lol....sounds a bit like my Ma. Helpful, but tactless. Only to be fair to Ma she often deliberately offends me as well.....

happynewmind Thu 10-Jan-13 21:16:13

Oh she really was not intending to be mean, it was completely meant in a helpful way.

But its my birthday and I will eat warm fudge brownies and icecream if I want to! grin

happynewmind Thu 10-Jan-13 21:17:41

or should I say birthday treat, its not actually my birthday on that day.

greenandcabbagelooking Thu 10-Jan-13 21:18:19

My Gran laughed at the Olympic dressage rider with Cerebral Palsy. Ignoring the fact that several of my best friends are disabled...

WitchOfEndor Thu 10-Jan-13 21:20:30

My DM does it all the time, whether its comments on my new hair colour, clothes, makeup etc. Today it was my towels - she actually phoned me to tell me someone had towels on sale because 'no one wants to have old, tatty towels in their downstairs loo for people to use'. Well at least I know what she thinks! And she thinks she is doing it for the best, I don't think she realises that I might be offended if she criticises my hair etc.

blueeyedpea Thu 10-Jan-13 21:23:11

we were out with our mum one day when she looked us up and down and announced to the whole room "I never thought I' d have such fat daughters" we were a bit "oh thanks ....."

MousyMouse Thu 10-Jan-13 21:25:33

my parents offend a lot and they mean to!

OkayHazel Thu 10-Jan-13 22:40:28

I think my mum and I accidentally offend eachother in equal amounts.

God I love my mum. Wouldn't have us any other way.

scarlettsmummy2 Thu 10-Jan-13 22:42:04

Yes, and they mean to!

squeakytoy Thu 10-Jan-13 22:44:22

some people are very easily offended... grin

Meandmycats Thu 10-Jan-13 22:56:25

One of my relatives has a 12 year old daughter and on the last 2 occasions my mum, the relative and I were together my mum has talked about how the girl is getting to a tricky age as 'girls can be awful together. They are so bitchy and mean' etc etc.

I am my mum's only daughter so I assume that she is speaking from experience of me at that age. Only I know I wasn't mean to others. I was the one who was friends with the girl no-one else would speak to. When I was 15 on a school trip no-one would speak to me because I refused to leave out a girl that no-one wanted to hang around with because they thought she was 'babyish.'

I do feel a bit offended when she vehemently talks about how horrible girls can be!

Also we once watched a documentary about a woman who lived in a filthy house with a lot of cats. She turned to me and said 'I sometimes think you might turn out a bit like that.'

QueenofPlaids Thu 10-Jan-13 23:02:26

My DM kept going on at length about folks from back home who had had babies (including several people I was at school with). I jokingly asked her if she was using to give us a hint. She responded:

'Good God no. You two can barely look after yourselves!'

Now it's true, my house is not as tidy as hers, but ffs we're over 30, gainfully employed and have both been living away from home since our teens!

Darksideofthe80s Thu 10-Jan-13 23:09:47

No my mother definately does it deliberately hmm

doublecakeplease Thu 10-Jan-13 23:19:32

Constantly. She doesn't mean it viciously though so i tend to just ignore her. Examples this week:
- you always did go for funny looking men
- (when talking to my Aunty whilst i was there) Double isn't bothered about housework, she's happy to live in a mess (we don't - just don't match her retired showhome standards)
-you have no waist at all anymore (still hoarding baby weight)
-did you forget to put your makeup on!

Softlysoftly Thu 10-Jan-13 23:21:00

Oh bless her, my mums like that when I started breast feeding DD1, DH was very prudish he kept closing curtains hmm.

DM pulled him up on it and said "Oh stop it, noone cares if she's breastfeeding and they'd have to be desperate to want to watch".

Erm Thanks mum confused

Lyrasilvertongued Thu 10-Jan-13 23:29:27

My DF once said (of me and my DSis) that we were "surprisingly attractive, despite our weight" hmm thanks dad!
My DM is also obsessed with weight, to the point she makes comments when 3month old DD gulps her bottle! It's a good job I've never let them put me off overeating and underexercising grin

CailinDana Thu 10-Jan-13 23:33:31

It's my dad who's the offensive one. Nowadays i pre-empt him by saying "dad i got my hair cut/new glasses/a new dress and no you're not allowed to say you don't like it. Say it's lovely, go on" and he'll dutifully say "it's lovely." i then have to cut off all other attempts at commenting as they'll be incredibly rude.

My mother had a habit of saying things like "oh that haircut is so much better your last one was terrible..." i pointed out how rude it was to basically say someone had been going around for ages with godawful hair but she didn't get it until i gave her a taste of her own medicine. Strangely enough she doesn't say it any more!

My Ex BiL and ex Fil (so father and son) - FiL was at the bar in his local and BiL came in. Conversation went thus...
BiL: Hiya Dad, how are you?
FiL: Alright son
BiL: Pint?
FiL: Aye, champion
Bil goes and sits down and Fil returns to his conversation with his crony at the bar...
Crony: Who's that then D?
FiL: I don't bloody know, never saw him before. <slurp>

Same FiL once got on the bus when I was already on with my 3 yr old pfb.
Me: Hiya D
FiL: <sniff> <sits behind us and stares out window>
Pfb: Who's that mam?
Me: <slightly louder than strictly necessary> That's your Granda D son.
Bus full of little old ladies: <tut>

My mam however has had moments that make ex FiL look like Parent of the Year confused
When I left my violent abusive exh, I was in a women's refuge. I took pfb and went to mam's house to have a bath and a nap and a bit of peace while she looked after pfb. She then waited until I was asleep and phoned my ex and told him I was there and that now was "his chance to talk some sense into me and take me and <pfb> home where we belonged, I was just being silly"
She also bought exH a present that Christmas and it cost more than the one she bought me.
No matter how good she has been in the years since (And she has been, and I love her) I will never ever forgive or forget that.

HenryCrun Fri 11-Jan-13 00:22:01

My DSD is ridiculous, and knows it! He pokes fun at me for being overweight, the first thing he told the first ever girl I brought home was that she needed to get a haircut and go on a diet, another girl I brought home ended up in tears in my arms... luckily, DW has realised that the more he likes someone, the more deliberately offensive he is. So she just gives it back to him in spades and he thinks she's a saint!

HenryCrun Fri 11-Jan-13 00:22:38

I probably meant DSF, not DSD. Still trying to get my head around the acronyms...

WorraLiberty Fri 11-Jan-13 00:25:03

I'm not sure why you too offence OP?

You told her you want to lose weight, and she told you the low calorie puddings confused

If you'd said you were giving up drinking and she told you the non alcoholic wines/beers, would that be any different?

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