AIBU to wonder how she is even pregnant???

(58 Posts)
TheSecondComing Thu 10-Jan-13 17:00:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

There is a middle ground between Court and being left to make her own decisions. This is a quite common thing, for people with LDs to have people make capacity decisions. I have made them. This happens between mild and severe LDs. Someone could have a relatively mild LD but with other issues, autism for example, and relationships and sex are difficult to understand. Someone with a more severe LD could understand sex because they had a very open and motivated parent. That is why they have to be made for each case and decision.

BTW Chaz great post.

Jamillalliamilli Fri 11-Jan-13 09:36:36

This is why people should be nice to SWs, because when you work in this field these are the things you are awake at 3am thinking about.

Perhaps we could also consider being nice to families looking after people with LD’s too? We’ll be awake at 3am (actually it’s 1.30 and 4am here) for the rest of our lives, dealing with the repercussions of decisions made by SW’s now worrying about another client, moved on, or long left the field.

I’d like to remind people discussing this, that not only is there a young woman and an unborn child’s fate being decided here, but also the future of her mum, and sisters who will have little choice in coping and potentially into the next generation too, with whatever the end results of this pregnancy bring them all.

Decisions can be a life sentence for families, there is no indication of their views, they're just the carer's, the people who will be left dealing with it all, after the interested parties have moved on.

Families who care deeply are often left with all the responsibilities of other people’s decisions but none of the rights.

PandaOnAPushBike Fri 11-Jan-13 11:22:53

Gosh I was a bit shocked by this thread. It shows how people are still shockingly ignorant about disability ( not their fault, disabled people are sidelined by society).

I used to work with young learning-disabled people and they certainly had sex, most of the girls were put on the pill or injection by their parents, anxious that this type of situation didn't arise.

I'm not, I've come across it before on this forum. I have a daughter who is high functioning autistic. She is extremely intelligent and capable in some areas but emotionally very immature, lacks impulse control and often doesn't connect consequences with actions (although on an intellectual level she does). She got into a relationship when she was 16 (is still with him now 4 years on) so I sought advice on here about how best to proceed with contraception for her. I got ripped apart because I should be preventing someone emotionally younger than 16 from being in a relationship let alone having sex, not enabling it.

A poster earlier summed it up: capacity to consent is task specific. My daughter was fully able to decide who she wanted to be with and what she wanted to do with them. She is also fully able to understand the implication of pregnancy (thankfully). She lacked the capacity to sort out the right type of contraception.

bottleofbeer Fri 11-Jan-13 12:14:41

I'm seriously considering going into SW myself and have been for a while.

Perhaps we could also consider being nice to families looking after people with LD’s too? We’ll be awake at 3am (actually it’s 1.30 and 4am here) for the rest of our lives, dealing with the repercussions of decisions made by SW’s now worrying about another client, moved on, or long left the field.

I agree. I know it can seem like SWs float in and out. For the record, I left the job. I had to (emigrated). I still think of the clients I had and the carers who made their lives better, my life better and saved the country untold money. They are some of the best people I will ever meet. If there was any way of thanking two in particular, the sister of one client and the mother of another, I would.

JuliaSqueezer Fri 11-Jan-13 15:32:44

Someone I know has learning difficulties as does her boyfriend. Her family were a bit concerned she was putting weight on and took her to the GP fully expecting him to help with a diet plan. Nope, she was pregnant, and too far gone for any other option but to have the baby.
Their son was born without any learning difficulties and they are a very happy family unit, living in their own home and getting by with help from extended family and some social care.
She hadn't been 'taken advantage of', just very much in love with her partner who had a similar IQ to hers smile

Some v good and insightful posts on here.

Julia, I know of several cases like the one you described and clearly these families have their ups and downs like any other family; some of course with more input and support than others.

I also know of cases were when a pregnancy was only found late on, the baby was adopted. Or, were the decision was made that it was in the best interest of the woman to terminate the pregnancy.

I think that just shows that people with LD face the same dilemmas and difficult life decisions as the rest of us. The added challenge is assessing how much of the decision making can be left to them, their carers, when HCP need to be involved and when SW/legal avenues.

The most upsetting case of a termination I've had dealings with not that long ago was a NT schoolgirl whose father had decided she was 'getting rid of it'. She never had any say in the matter, much as I and the counselling nurses at the Woman's Unit tried. It was not so much that anybody thought she ought to NOT have a termination, but that the decision had to be hers. And guess what, we are now dealing with the MH fall-out from that event sadangry. And that had nothing to do with LD...

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now