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to be upset that friends don't take DS into consideration?

(194 Posts)
DharmaBums Thu 10-Jan-13 12:10:14

first time posting on MN, but I needed to rant to someone! I have a group of 5 or so friends, all without children. They've arranged a girlie get together(which is nice, but only arranged by said friend as she's been on fantastic holiday and wants to brag, sorry, share, her stories ((Not bitter really!))).

The brunch is planned for a weekend at a rather posh and stuck up restaurant which is NOT child friendly! Last time they made me leave my buggy on the street as they didn't want it inside the premises (there was room inside).

My DH works on weekends (they know this) and I don't have anyone to leave DS with, so if I want to go I need to bring my DS. Sitting at a posh restaurant on a sunday afternoon for a couple of hours with my 2.5 yr old DS is not my idea of a fun time, and thats if he even sits still, doesn't have a tantrum and doesn't throw food for 10 mins! I wouldn't mind so much but this is the millionth time I've tried to explain what it's like to have a 2.5 year old!!

At the end of my rope with said group of friends, and ready to have a tantrum of my own. Advice needed from wise MN on dealing with it and still maintaining friendships whilst getting my point across to them!

adeucalione Thu 10-Jan-13 12:15:04

If you have already explained it, and they continue to make arrangements that are not convenient for you, then I can only assume that they don't care - not in an unkind way, but in that it is a convenient time for the majority of people in the group, and you can't please everyone can you?

If they work, I assume that a mid-week brunch isn't possible for them.

On the bright side, at least they invited you - lots of posts on here from people who have been dropped by friendship groups once they have children.

Personally I wouldn't go, and ask if next time you can all do something in the evening, when your DH is around to watch your DS.

Or get a babysitter?

Well would you be offended if they hadn't invited you? Probably I am guesing.

This is obviously an invitation which does not extend to your baby as well. If you can get someone to look after him then all good, but if not then you can't go.

Realistically if they don;t have kids then they are not going to arrange a get together at the local soft play are they.

Sounds like you are being unreasonable and too sensitive.

Crawling Thu 10-Jan-13 12:16:30

Sorry I think you are being unreasonable there are 5 of them and they obviously like the place and find the timing good you can't expect people to drop everything and change plans just because your a mum. This is why its hard being the first one to have children if its inconvenient then don't go but others should not have to make their plans solely around you because you have a child.

3smellysocks Thu 10-Jan-13 12:16:31

Is there any chance you could wear your toddler out then take him to eat? Take lots of activities with you?

mrsjay Thu 10-Jan-13 12:17:44

I think you need to tell them you cant make it as you have nobody to look after your toddler people without children don't realise stuff it isn't really their fault maybe it is time to see them on your terms not theirs, I had this years ago with childless friends, the world doesn't revolve around our children sometimes us parents need to lose out and compromise with friends who have none,

Sugarice Thu 10-Jan-13 12:17:51

They don't seem very considerate towards you if you have continuously explained about suitable venues with a toddler but they've done it anyway.

I'd give this time a miss and arrange an evening out with them if I was concerned about missing out on get togethers.

Trills Thu 10-Jan-13 12:17:56

If your DH works weekends and you have nobody to leave DS with does that mean that you can't ever do anything child-free at the weekend?

Have you considered getting a babysitter?

Convict224 Thu 10-Jan-13 12:18:48

I feel your pain, OP.

But... talk to them. Say how difficult it is for you in that particular venue. Suggest one where you all could feel comfortable.

The thing is, not everyone gets children until they have their own.

SamSmalaidh Thu 10-Jan-13 12:19:02

OK, so this get together isn't going to work for you.

Have you tried organising something that is more child friendly? Or suggesting something at a time when your DH is available?

...and they have probably arranged this brunch there because it is not child friendly in the hope that you don't take your DS like you did last time.

There is a time and a place of babies, and a girly posh lunch is not one of them.

Def look into a babysitter and go and have some fun with your friends smile

financialwizard Thu 10-Jan-13 12:20:34

Just tell them that DP is working and that your experience of that restaurant with DS was not great last time. Then either suggest an alternative or tell them you can't go.

Sugarice Thu 10-Jan-13 12:20:54

Plus, 5 of them are childless so they don't need to be concerned about stuff Mums need to be aware of, sorry but that's how it is.

fairylightsandtinsel Thu 10-Jan-13 12:21:56

I think YABU to expect them to go somewhere that would be suitable for your toddler if they want to properly chat - even in child friendly restaurants you don't tend to linger, just eat and go. I Agree with those that say perhaps you should suggest an evening get-together.

Jenny70 Thu 10-Jan-13 12:22:31

It is hard when friends make plans that you can't fit in with, you feel left out. But realistically they don't have kids, they organised it and sadly you may not be able to come.

If you can think of a place/time that would be more suitable, either organise another time to get together or suggest it to main organiser... but they may not want to change it.

At 2.5 your DS isn't dependant on you, I'd be looking to find a babysitter and enjoy a day out without your DS. I know it costs more, but for a twice a year treat it may be worth it.

crunchbag Netherlands Thu 10-Jan-13 12:22:52

YABU. A nice relaxed posh lunch in the weekend might not suit you but it does the others. It would be nice it they took DS in consideration but family friendly places are not everyones cup of tea. Is there really nobody else that can look your DS?

izzyishappilybusy Thu 10-Jan-13 12:23:00

Well it-shirts what happens when you are first to ha've dcs - its why so many of us end up with "mummy" friends

mrsjay Thu 10-Jan-13 12:24:02

I am not sure 5 childless women would want an alternative child friendly place tbh betty said a posh girly brunch and that is exactly what they have organised sounds lovely and I dont think if want to go to a kid friendly place either, op you need to get a babysitter I think or just take your son and hope for the best,

Sirzy Thu 10-Jan-13 12:24:32

The problem is you can't really expect them all to change plans for your son, it is up to you to make arrangements for him not you

I don't think you should take him with you. On this occasion, if you can't get a babysitter, I think you need to consider not going.
Can you arrange a get together at your house one Saturday on Sunday so you can be included and not have to worry too much about your son.
Could you cook a nice lunch or evening meal for everyone and enjoy each others company without having to go out?

ErikNorseman Thu 10-Jan-13 12:26:37

Wear your toddler?!?! grinhmm
People who aren't used to carrying wearing their 2.5 year olds might struggle to start. Plus it's the sitting in fancy restaurant that's the problem, not getting there, I think. Some places are simply unsuited to toddlers. Sorry OP, I don't think they want your DS there. You'll have to duck out.

thebody Thu 10-Jan-13 12:26:58

When you have children your life changes.

You choose to change your life.

Your friends haven't so your the one who has moved on not them.

You can't possibly be serious to take a toddler to a girly lunch in a posh restaurant.
Either get a babysitter or don't go.
Make mummy friends its loads easier.

Don't take him. With all the will in the world they don't want him there.

Permisson Thu 10-Jan-13 12:27:52

Could you suggest an alternative time when you could go without DS? Eg an evening. Perhaps in addition to the brunch? It sounds like they want an adult get together rather than a child focused one. Or alternatively can you suggest another seperate child friendly meet up?

mrsjay Thu 10-Jan-13 12:28:21

everybody is right don't take him try and find a baby sitter

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