To be absolutely mortified?

(50 Posts)
WantsToBeFree Wed 09-Jan-13 22:10:02

So I'm 24 with no kids and no plans of having them anytime soon. Due to losing a friend to childbirth and having family members who had ongoing problems after having children, I became very interested in childbirth- both natural and c section.

I'm now a childbirth activist and I feel strongly that it's a feminist issue.

Now, the thing is I'm quite regular on several Facebook and twitter groups which are about childbirth. This may sound stupid but until now I had no clue that friends could see in their newsfeed when I post in those groups(which is quite often). A couple of friends mentioned it today and that's how I found out.

For some reason, I'm mortified. I feel so exposed!! I know I have a right to my opinions and it's a Good cause, but I just didn't want everyone to know how involved I am with childbirth.

Most of my friends aren't interested in this at all and wouldn't understand my level of involvement with it. I'm just feeling embarrassed, and I'm so surprised at this reaction. I feel like they're all going to think what's a girl with no kids doing all over childbirth pages?

I'm even more mortified at how odd my male friends probably think I am.

I'm sounding like a teenager, I'm sure, but please tell me honestly if I'm being stupid.

Shakey1500 Wed 09-Jan-13 22:13:15

I'm being thick-what's a "childbirth activist"? What is it you do in this regard?

Regardless of the content, YABU to feel embarrassed at something you feel passionate about. Should be able/willing to explain your theories, thoughts etc?

I wouldn't be embarrassed. I feel strongly about many issues even though they haven't happened to me personally!

BinksToEnlightenment Wed 09-Jan-13 22:14:33

I don't think you're being stupid. I wouldn't like my Mumsnet posts on Facebook.

I think you need to arrange your privacy and lists settings.

Then forget about it. We all get embarrassed now and again but the only one who will ever think to remember this happened is you!

WorraLiberty Wed 09-Jan-13 22:15:18

Just go through your privacy settings and select 'hide activity'.

Yes you are being a bit daft. Who gives a shit what your friends might think? Yabu however for being a Young Person who doesn't understand Facebook privacy settings.

WantsToBeFree Wed 09-Jan-13 22:16:40

It's basically raising awareness about the rights of pregnant women- both to refuse and demand procedures. Its also got to do with talking about the risks and dangers (and also benefits) of different forms of childbirth.

Just dialogue about it can enable people to learn so much from each other.

SurroundedByBlue Wed 09-Jan-13 22:20:03

Sounds really interesting. I am forever feeling that my opinions don't count and that no one listens, I'm never sure what I can ask for or refuse etc (37 weeks pregnant) I think I will look up child birth activists, might do me good smile

WantsToBeFree Wed 09-Jan-13 22:20:55

I tried, but I can't. Apparently, I can only control my timeline and newsfeed. I can't control what shows up in a friend's newsfeed. Every time I post in those groups, this shows up on their newsfeed- "XYZ posted in CHILDBIRTH".

I actually emailed FB and asked and they said they can't control it, because these are public groups. blush

Shakey1500 Wed 09-Jan-13 22:23:30

Thanks for elaborating smile

No clue on the settings though, sorry.

RainbowsFriend Wed 09-Jan-13 22:23:53

I had similar issues with this and set up a facebook account just to be involved in such group discussions. You might want to try that?

CloudsAndTrees Wed 09-Jan-13 22:24:20

Facebook is very annoying the way it has done this. I think it has had the opposite effect of what it was probably supposed to, and people are much more wary of what they write on FB nowadays. I have found that people comment less knowing that their every move is going to be broadcast.

And what's with the thing that tells you how long ago it was when your friends last checked their FB? It's just plain annoying!

EnjoyResponsibly Wed 09-Jan-13 22:24:29

Can't you set up your FB with a different e-mail address to the one you use to post on your Fourms?

OkayHazel Wed 09-Jan-13 22:24:40

Stop posting in them. Post in anon forums instead.

TheSecondComing Wed 09-Jan-13 22:24:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WantsToBeFree Wed 09-Jan-13 22:25:45

SurroundedByBlue You just made me feel very good about what I try to do smile

JessicaMLH Wed 09-Jan-13 22:26:30

The only way to control it, is for every one of your friends to go to your profile and select not to view your activity (sorry I can't remember exactly what it's called! Basically stops the 'x commented on Y PAGE' and 'x liked a photo' etc posts, they still see anything you post like statuses, photos etc). Which is ridiculous, because you can't control it yourself and how on earth can you make every friend do this?! Stupid fb!

However, don't feel embarrassed for commenting on things you feel passionately about, and for a good cause. I'm sure even male friends can understand this grin

WantsToBeFree Wed 09-Jan-13 22:29:57

TheSecondComing Oh that's not how it is at all!!! It's not agenda based, or biased. Besides I dont give medical advice. I can only help with evidence based information. In fact part of it is to direct women away from agenda based information which can do more harm than good- like demonising intervention. Besides, I'm still learning too and these groups are a great way for me to do that.

FrameyMcFrame Wed 09-Jan-13 22:31:08

She lost her friend in childbirth. She is a woman. Surely that gives her the right to care about this topic TheSecondComing?

suburbophobe Wed 09-Jan-13 22:32:10

Sorry, don't understand what you are on about.

I'm a single mum with a 21-year-old, does that help?

TheSecondComing Wed 09-Jan-13 22:32:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cortana Wed 09-Jan-13 22:34:19

Using your logic TheSecondComing I should stop fundraising for my local hospice. Given I have never been in one or been directly affected by it? hmm

The OP is campaigning for women to be given choice based on education and evidence regarding childbirth. I don't see how that is ever a bad thing.

OrangeLily Wed 09-Jan-13 22:34:28

Thesecondcoming.... So you're not allowed a 'say' because you haven't had a baby or because you're not a medical professional. What a load of nonsense! It's a women's issue.

I would feel the same about private things on Facebook. I would be mortified if people knew what I wrote on here, I like to be anonymous.

pollyblue Wed 09-Jan-13 22:34:57

I would second Rainbows suggestion, and open another FB account for the sole purpose of posting in the childbirth group (and obv don't friend anyone who's not in the group grin )

And no i don't think you should be embarrassed about something you feel passionate about.

But i do concur with TheSeconds coments in a way - my bacon was saved by a hellish amount of medical intervention when DD1 was born.....my hoped-for hypnobirth went right out of the window and i'm glad decisions were made on my behalf by people who - in those circs - had more knowledge and experience than me. I get a bit nervous of activism because, in my experience, it can go hand in hand with scaremongering.

WantsToBeFree Wed 09-Jan-13 22:35:12

Well, don't worry. I'd never ask anyone to get a home VBAC. EVER.

Nor am I an NCB nut ;)

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