To not tell holiday-ing DH what's going on at home?

(50 Posts)
UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Wed 09-Jan-13 13:06:47

DH went on holiday yesterday for a week leaving me, DD and dog at home. He's texted a couple of times and I've replied telling him all is great. However this is not true. In the first 24 hours of his absence -

- DD (5) fell down some stone steps. Not badly hurt but gave herself a really big fright.

- The dog has conjunctivitis, just back from the vets and I will need to wrestle with all 29 uncooperative kilos of him to put drops in his eye twice a day.

- I took DD to a play date yesterday and got lost in the dark and fog, ended up driving for miles in the countryside while my car fuel gauge showed "zero miles" left in the the tank. We made it home safely but I was a nervous wreck.

- I have developed a horrible cough / cold so am generally under the weather and irritable. I would much rather be in bed than doing school run / childcare / dog walking etc.

So no big dramas but I think it will feel like a long week. I don't want DH to have his holiday spoilt by knowing about problems at home but I am technically lying to him.

Some context: DH is the hardest working person I know. He is a SAHP and has gone on a much deserved activity holiday that I have no interest in, so there is no (IMO) BU in him going on holiday without me.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Wed 09-Jan-13 13:40:05

bigbluebus he wouldn't rush home but he would worry.

Just had a lemsip and a Danish pastry so feeling a bit better, am also looking at the rather ambitious plans I made for this week and culling it to something more manageable.

<crosses "write a novel" off the list.>

I am wavering between "oh poor me" and "don't be such a baby Unexpected " with the weight coming down on the latter after all the comments on here smile

badguider Wed 09-Jan-13 13:43:12

i wouldn't tell him about the incidents which afterall all turned out fine, but if you speak ot him again you may as well say 'i've got a bit of a cold but we're all fine apart from that' - he'll probably be able to tell from your voice anyway...

Blatherskite Wed 09-Jan-13 13:47:45

We're only teasing Unexpected. You probably have a fair number of SAHPs on this thread and I at least, am a bit bitter about being let to cope when I've felt awful before.

You sound like you're coping just fine and whittling down the list is a good idea. Why not have a "movie afternoon" and get everyone on the sofa with a blanket?

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Wed 09-Jan-13 14:18:01

You have all been lovely, to the point that I am a little disappointed that the AIBU bloodsucking vampires have not turned up grin

I do have some nice films recorded - Fred and Ginger musicals that DH would never watch with me. Will treat myself tomorrow to a sofa day. Now I have to walk the dog (in the rain), go to the supermarket for DD's packed lunches and pick her up from school.

Respect to SAHPs / lone parents everywhere, I am wibbling after one day <pathetic emoticon>

Blatherskite Wed 09-Jan-13 14:44:17

Get something easy for dinner while you're at the Supermarket. Something that won't take much cooking and that you're sure your DD will eat to save dinner table fights.

Ooh, and some chocolate and medicine to soothe yourself with once she's in bed tonight

PessaryPam Wed 09-Jan-13 14:55:30

Unexpected you sound lovely and your DH is lucky to have such a nice partner. Good luck with the dog, I recommend bribing the animal with food.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Wed 09-Jan-13 17:30:56

PessaryPam blush (love the name btw)

All chores done, fire lit and we are both in pj's watching Scooby Doo. Dinner was lasagne made by DH before he left so just needed heating up.

Strategy for eye drops is for DD to hold out a little bit of cheese out while I squirt the stuff in. Dog will walk over hot coals for cheese so it's all working out.

DH rang but I missed the call. He's having a fab time but misses us.

Thanks for letting me unload smile

TinyDancingHoofer Wed 09-Jan-13 17:56:14

None of that sound like that much drama tbh. You have a cold. Your 5yo fell over and you went for a drive. I'd say the only thing to mention would be the dog just because of the cost of vets?

You sound a quite anxious about very small mishaps. Are you a bit nervous about being without your DH? Is there anyone friend or family that could come spend a day/evening with you and help you chill out?

TinyDancingHoofer Wed 09-Jan-13 17:57:28

-Sorry my phone hadn't loaded any response when i posted but now there are loads blush

Glad you are feeling better OP.

rednellie Wed 09-Jan-13 18:06:33

You are doing brilliantly. And no don't tell him.

There is always the other extreme. My parents managed to crash their car two days after our wedding, were in high dependency for a couple of days. I only found out after we came back from honeymoon two weeks later. They didn't want worry us. hmm I'm still not sure how I feel about that.

pictish Wed 09-Jan-13 18:10:46

What's to tell? Your dd fell over, the dog needs eyedrops, and you have a cough. All sounds fairly run of the mill to me!

Don't tell him. Let him enjoy his holiday. None of those things are noteworthy, sorry.

MrsKeithRichards Wed 09-Jan-13 18:19:21

I'm a firm believer in not telling people there's anything wrong when they are on holiday!

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Wed 09-Jan-13 18:36:14

But pictish the driving in fog when it was really dark and scary shock

DH has a week away every year and this is the first time I've felt such a wimp. Early night tonight to cope with the packed lunch challenge in the morning grin

3smellysocks Wed 09-Jan-13 18:44:10

agree there are not real reasons for your DH to come home as they are all only minor hiccups. I'd probably tell him whats going on but in a light way as they are only light things.

KenLeeeeeee Wed 09-Jan-13 18:44:27

You are lovely to not want to risk spoiling his holiday by telling him.

AndABigBirdInaPearTree Wed 09-Jan-13 18:47:37

I think I would say that we'd been having the usual ups and downs.

NuclearStandoff Wed 09-Jan-13 18:49:29

You sound very nice and considerate OP.

I wish I was as selfless as you.

redwellybluewelly Wed 09-Jan-13 19:07:55

Dont tell him, the most you can say is that you appreciate him all the more now you've done a day.

And the week will fly by, its good to swap roles occasionally to realise the daily grind.

Hope you feel better soon

You sound like you're doing great. It's probably your cold/cough making things seem worse than they otherwise would.

I second (third? 4th?) giving yourself some treat and rest. smile

pictish Wed 09-Jan-13 19:44:31

Tell him all about it when he gets back, and mention what a sterling job you reckon he does. smile

Agree with pictish.

Let him enjoy his break without a worry.

MrsMelons Wed 09-Jan-13 19:51:27

You are doing the right thing not telling him but I can appreciate it must be hard as when crappy things happen he is probably the first person you would talk to about it.

We have an agreement in our family not to tell each other what is happening at home when on holiday unless it is a true emergency and we need to get home. We have had our fair share of stuff happen incl MIL passing away while SIL was on holiday but unless coming home will make a difference we agree beforehand not to say anything. It sounds awful but we used to say please don't call if so and so dies we'll just wait till we get home. It sounds heartless but in context it wasn't.

My nan died whilst I was away for a weekend so my mum decided to meet me at home to tell me when I got back, except my friend who was a carer at the nursing home facebooked me (to my mobile) to say how sorry she was shock

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Wed 09-Jan-13 20:57:00

Oh MrsMelons sad

I have a good friend in the services and every time he goes away to sea he has to decide what he will and won't be told about what's going on at home, and no matter what it is he can't return until his tour is over. Puts my niggles into perspective.

I am not entirely selfless, a week away does his mood a world of good as he comes back refreshed and full of good humour. And I get my DD all to myself which I love - it's just the first time I've done it since she started school and it's been a challenge learning how to fit in all the lunch prepping, uniform finding, reading practice, etc. etc.

it's good to swap roles occasionally to realise the daily grind - yes to this redwelly

Also in response to a couple of comments, I would never expect him to come home half way through a holiday because of these incidents. I was intending to not tell him about the issues so he could enjoy his holiday, I just wasn't sure if SAHPs would generally prefer to know what was going on.

DD now sleeping in my bed because I'm a soft touch. Dog is in disgrace as he vommed all over the living room carpet. Nothing serious, he just ate too much seaweed on the beach this pm.

THERhubarb Thu 10-Jan-13 11:40:25

I think your dh probably feels guilty enough by the sounds of it, why else would he have made you a lasagne before going away? Why else would he have texted twice and tried to phone after just one day of being away?

He has probably cottoned onto the vibe that his going away isn't really welcomed. How were you with him before he went? I must admit, making a lasagne for you is a huge giveaway that he's trying to make up for something.

You've got just one child and a dog to look after. You already know that you need to man up a little (and that is said in the kindest way) so if I were you I would focus on becoming more independent and self sufficient whilst he's away. Stop being so dependent on him (you did mention that you were dependent). Book a holiday for yourself with a friend, even if it's only for a weekend. Start taking control more, force yourself out of your comfort zone and face the big wide world head on.

That's not exactly an AIBU bloodsucking vampire reply but I've just picked up on the things you've said and I do think you are being a bit wimpy. Making a packed lunch hardly requires an early night! Honestly the more you do these things by yourself the easier it gets. Being self sufficient is no bad thing and you never know when you might need to cope alone. You should never be dependent on anyone.

Hope your cold is better today smile

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Thu 10-Jan-13 20:17:05

Rhubarb you area spot on with some things, but not on others. Lasagne was made from love (of me and of cooking) not guilt. I absolutely want to avoid DH feeling guilty about going away, hence unloading here.

I am delighted he is away and properly nagged him into booking the holiday, left to his own devices he would convince himself he couldn't afford the time away as he has such a strong work ethic and looks after everyone else before himself. I try to balance that.

I think I am like many WOHPs taking over at home for a week. It takes a while to get into the routine. But mainly I think I am just really under the weather, which contributed to the wimpishness.

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