AIBU .. Smoking & Children...

(93 Posts)
HungryHippo89 Wed 09-Jan-13 09:47:28

I smoke... I have a DSS (8) around for 2 days a week ... DSS Mother has asked me to no longer smoke infront of DSS because i'm glamourising smoking and it isn't good for his health ... I think she is over-reacting since i have been smoking infront of him for the last 4 years ...

I smoke around or less than 5 a day ...
I Don't smoke in the home - I go outside and shut the door
I Don't smoke in the car
I Don't smoke withing a few meters of him-
I have explained to him how harmful smoking can be and that i should really stop ...

AIBU to think she is over-reacting to cause a problem? And that it is an unreasonable request to ask me to stop smoking infront of him 100%? After all he can walk through the high street and see loads of people smoking? My OH won't give me any advice on the subject as he isn't amazingly bothered about him seeing me smoking just as long as it's not in a confined space and he isn't having to breath it in ...

AIBU to think she is over reacting?

LavenderPots Wed 09-Jan-13 09:57:22

you say that you have explained how bad smoking is for you and that you really should stop, perhaps you should but into place some steps to stop smoking to show him how difficult it is / talk to him about why you started smoking and why it isn't a good idea for him to start?

i can see it from both sides really as she doesn't want him to start smoking etc but i think realistically its more likely to be peer pressure to 'just try it' rather than because you smoke, and also as you only smoke about 5 a day as he will be at school most of the day he must only see you smoke maybe 2/3 a day?

<not helpful sorry>

DoubleMum Wed 09-Jan-13 09:59:15

If you smoke less than 5 a day it shouldn't be hard not to do it in front of him anyway?

Keychain Wed 09-Jan-13 09:59:20

I agree with your DSS's Mother to be honest. Children are much more likely to do as we do than do as we say. I really don't think it is an unreasonable request to be honest...

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Wed 09-Jan-13 09:59:47

Yes but you are still his parent, and so a role model, not just someone on the street. You won't be able to hide the fact you smoke. You'll smell of it for a starters.

DoubleMum Wed 09-Jan-13 09:59:55

But if I were in her position I would be thinking the same, sorry.

DozyDuck Wed 09-Jan-13 10:00:27

Why would you want to do what your step mum does? Über uncool.

ResolutelyCheeky Wed 09-Jan-13 10:02:41

I think his mother has every right to express what she wants her son to be exposed to.

What you do with that information is up to you.

I think telling him its bad for you and that you really should stop and then you don't is just giving him a very confusing message tbh.

NaturalBaby Wed 09-Jan-13 10:02:48

I wouldn't want anyone smoking in the presence/company of my dc's so I wouldn't say she's over reacting.
I would also be insisting you don't come into contact with the child for at least 20 minutes after finishing your last cigarette - even if you smoke outside the smoke is still on your clothing and your breath so you are bringing it back inside the house and passing it onto the child.

Do you really think the child is doesn't breathe in any smoke because you smoke a few meters away?

Seeing you doing it normalises it in the comfort of his own home though, and I guess he's at an age to understand that now. I think she's being perfectly reasonable actually - the chemicals will still be on your clothes and skin even if you do go outside so can still cause him harm. Plus it's no good telling him it's bad so you really should stop - actions speak louder than words - it would be far more powerful if he saw you actually quit rather than just paying lip service to it.

The big thing surely is that it's not good for his health and if, as you say, you only smoke less than 5 a day then surely it's not a big deal to stop when he's around? Sorry, YABU.

WaspFactory Wed 09-Jan-13 10:05:08

YANBU It doesn't sound like a problem to me, your smoking doesn't sound all that glamorous, unless you're looking at him through the window saying 'hey, look how cool I am'.

Wallison Wed 09-Jan-13 10:07:20

Does the lingering smell of smoke on your clothes/hair really harm other people you go near after you've finished smoking? Genuine question.

WaspFactory Wed 09-Jan-13 10:09:27

I remember seeing an article showing smoke particles floating around a home but I think that was about smoking in the house. Doubt there would be much if any problem if you always smoke outside.

I have a much bigger problem, my Dad chain-smokes in the house and I will find it very difficult to take my future baby there sad

WaspFactory Wed 09-Jan-13 10:09:43

article = advert

HungryHippo89 Wed 09-Jan-13 10:10:26

I don't think I would find it that unreasonable if she had said it from the off ... not leave it untill 4 years down the line... On a normal weekend he doesn't really notice when i slip outside because i will go to wash the pots and just pop out after i've done ... I was thinking more along the lines of ... So if we are going out for the day I can't have a cigarette?

I 100% support not smoking close to him after all he hasn't asked to smoke but i just don't see the point in hiding it when as soon as he goes out in public he can see it for himself ... And as he grows up there will be other people that smoke.. I suppose i'm more of a believer that it is a personal choice when you get to the age where you actually smoke properly. For example me and my sister were aware of smoking through other family relatives (not immediate family but still close family we had regular contact with) And I smoke and she doesn't.

Thanks for the advice though I generally thought she was being unreasonable but I guess i was only seeing it from one side ...

sweetkitty Wed 09-Jan-13 10:14:44

It would annoy me too TBH

If your only on 5 a day do you have to smoke around him, if he's there and you need a fag can you pop out for a 5 min walk or are you in sole care of him?

Waspfactory - my Dad chain smokes too as did my MIL, MIL especially was so pro smoking, she smoked around my neisse for years. When DD1 came along we did visit her but told her she had to smoke outside, same when she came here, it was like we asked her to donate a kidney the palaver every time she had a fag. Ironically she dropped dead of a heart attack 4 years ago, the cause smoking sad

24joy Wed 09-Jan-13 10:16:23

Your fine doing what your doing IMO. If anything, you're 'de-glamourising' it arn't you?

mrsjay Wed 09-Jan-13 10:16:56

I smoke My dds hate smoking and never thought it was glam or cool children are not daft,
OP she is being a bit unreasonable I do think you could say smoking is vile, but after 4 yrs she knows you smoke why is she worried now,

HungryHippo89 Wed 09-Jan-13 10:17:06

Everybody knows they shouldn't smoke but they do ... I know I shouldn't but I enjoy it ... I just figure soon she will be asking me to give up my bottle glass of wine on a Saturday because I'm glamourising alchohol and he shouldn't be so aware of it at such a young age ...

WaspFactory Wed 09-Jan-13 10:17:17

Sweetkitty - exactly the same, my sister tolerated him and my step-mum smoking around her daughter for years but there's no way I would. If/when I finally have a baby I might pretend it's got asthma.

barleysugar Wed 09-Jan-13 10:17:25

As an ex smoker, I have to agree with your mum. You may be cautious about shutting the door but the smell and therefore the residual smoke lingers on your clothes, breath and hands for at least 30 minutes after a a fag.

Wallison Wed 09-Jan-13 10:18:53

Yes but does that actually harm people?

WaspFactory Wed 09-Jan-13 10:19:53

Hungry - how dare you drink wine within 10m of precious SS? He will inevitably become a chain-smoking alcoholic at 13 and it will be YOUR fault.

HungryHippo89 Wed 09-Jan-13 10:21:09

sweetkitty - No his dad is in the house who doesn't smoke. And I do pop out I will either just go out and take rubbish out to the bin and stand at the end of the garden or take the dog for a walk ...

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Wed 09-Jan-13 10:21:30

My ds pretends to smoke, he's barely and I mean barely seen my mum do it.
Maybe he did something like that and your getting the blame.

I can half see her point (lets face it, no one wants to encourage it) and half see yours, why now? it's your choice and he's not affected. What about them electric ciggies for when he's there? Yes potentially your glamourising it but your doing your best.

puts on my flame suit jacket

On the plus side she / he thinks your glamourous

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