Back story is I've been seeing my BF for about 9/10 months. We work together. There is a girl (we'll call her Sarah) that we work with that we're both friendly with, but I get a little bit jealous of how they are sometimes (he says irrational and to be fair he might be right). Anyway I got to work, already stressed and grumpy and first thing I saw was them together so got a bit annoyed and he could tell. (stupid i know)
So in the evening we are having sex, and he says something along the lines of "does sarah turn me on?" so I'm a bit shocked 
and so I say "no" (bloody hope not). And he says a couple of other similar things.
I said to him after it was a massive turn off from him to bring her up while we're having sex, as in my eyes it just made me think "we're having sex and you're thinking about her". He didn't really understand why it upset, said that he was trying to get me to see it's me that he's with and that he wants. Apologised for upsetting me but I could see he didn't really get what the problem was?
Am I being unreasonable to be upset that he did that?
AIBU?
To be annoyed that her brought her up during sex?
Libramonkey · 09/01/2013 01:35
It wasn't about lesbian fantasies (I've already told him not a change 
. It was his warped, misguided way of trying to tell me how much he wants me, is with me and that he doesn't want her... But to bring it up while we're having sex? Surely that's just not the right time!?
haha yea that would have been fine.... but to specifically bring her up. I was like umm
I hope he has.
Squoosh - so its not just me that sees it this way. He said he meant it in a reassuring "you're the one" way.
I said to him what if it was the other way round and I'd said a similar thing about someone he gets jealous of, but he said he wouldn't have minded, if I meant it in a only want him not so and so way? 
Why would you say any persons name while you are having sex,other than the name of the person you are doing it with?
Unless you are drunk and it's the first time you've shagged someone else?
Then you would be 
.
I think that he meant it in a "Its you I am with, its you I want, its you that turns me on" kind of way, which in his head was reassuring and meaningful. He was probably thinking that it would mean more when he was making love to you.
I totally get how you feel, I would feel the same. But I dont think that it means that he was thinking of her during sex in that way, I think it was something that probably worked better in his head!
If it helps, my ex (not for this, I married him after this) once said to me "X (his ex) had that dress and she didnt look as good in it as you, she was skinny" when I was having a bad day about my size, knowing X would be at the party we were going to. As I say, it sounded reassuring in his head and he was genuinely confused as to why I was hurt!
Bogeyface - yes that's how he explained it to me after. I do think he was genuinely trying to be reassuring but completely messed it up. The other things he said during were along the lines of "it's you that turns me on like this" etc however in the process turned me off completely
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