To ask mum for a set time.

(15 Posts)
happynewmind Sat 05-Jan-13 09:56:34

At the weekend we go to my parents, I have offered on numerous occassions to make our own way there but mum insists on picking us up as i don't drive and they do and they like to pop to the supermarket on the way.

I am very grateful for this.

The problem is one of my dd is on autistic spectrum and she won't give a time and dd gets more and more worked up about mums arrival.

They used to always come within half an hour of the same weekly time but now one week she comes at 9am, the next 12, the next 4pm.

So not only do we have to wait in but I usually have to ring her to ask whether I
should put meals on but she doesn't answer.

I suspect aibu but I have explaned why dd gets so worked up and she knows about an and agrees then does same the next week.

39widow Sat 05-Jan-13 09:59:22

i have a child on the spectrum cso no i dont think you are.
i would tell your mum how much it upsets dd - good luck

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sat 05-Jan-13 10:02:11

If your DC is on the AS then no, YANBU! I would tell her you expect her at a set time (since she isn't sticking to informing you when you ask!) and if she doesn't come at the time, refuse to see her. Does she understand the impact she's having on your DD messing you around?

diddl Sat 05-Jan-13 10:07:58

Of course YANBU:

Waiting in for a whole day-what a waste!!

And as you say-do you do meals or not?

I think it´s really rude tbh-regardless of it really upsetting her own GC!!

Does she not believe in autism & thinks she is helping my not "pandering"??

Llareggub Sat 05-Jan-13 10:12:19

Really how annoying! Does your mother not see the impact on her GC?

Could you sit her down calmly and explain to her?

cansu Sat 05-Jan-13 10:13:47

That would not work for me and I would say it just like that. Please can you tell me what time you will be collecting us as I need to explain what we will be doing to the children. If she says she doesn't know say ok we will make our own way and be there around X time. Then stick to your guns. I would be beyond pissed off with her attitude. It implies that you have nothing else to do but wait around for her.

WildWorld2004 Sat 05-Jan-13 10:13:50

YANBU I think it is rude to expect anyone to wait in all day for someone. Whats so difficult with setting a time and sticking to it.

OwlCatMouse Sat 05-Jan-13 10:16:13

YANBU, AS or not. You can't be expected to wait all day for your mum to pick you up.

dishwashervodkaanddietirnbru Sat 05-Jan-13 10:16:30

that would annoy me never mind a child on the autistic spectrum! There's nothing I hate more than having to hang about waiting on someone else to turn up especially if they cannot be contacted.

happynewmind Sat 05-Jan-13 10:21:31

I have sat and explained and she says she understands then does it again.

She has seen dd in a state because of it.

The thing is there are free activities in a morning for children near us, so if I knew she wasn't Coming till afternoon we could do them and then go.

ceeveebee Sat 05-Jan-13 10:22:37

Well I'm not on the austitic spectrum but it would irritate me immensely to not have a specific time or at least a rough time- she expects you to wait in until 4 not knowing whether you need to cook lunch, tea? Just tell her a time that suits you, and go out rather than wait in.

Katla Sat 05-Jan-13 10:25:32

YANBU - how irritating at the best of times but esp as your dd gets upset.

How about just saying no to her offer of a lift and then you are on your timescale (even though it's more hassle at least you would be in control)?

dishwashervodkaanddietirnbru Sat 05-Jan-13 10:26:45

I'd go out if she hasnt arrived by a certain time - serve her right for not arranging things properly

whattodoo Sat 05-Jan-13 10:27:14

Go to the activities!

Tell your mum that you'll be back home at x time if she wants to pick you up, or you'll make your own way over and be at her home at y time.

ChristmasJubilee Sat 05-Jan-13 10:27:30

Tell her that your children have activities in the morning and do that. Ask her to pick you up at a given time or tell her you will make your own way there. Do you really want to go every weekend - that would drive me mad!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now