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To be upset that DH gets in a bad mood with me if any of the DCs are ill?

(55 Posts)
Findingmyself Sat 05-Jan-13 09:37:38

He seems to think I'm the unreasonable one.

To give an example, one night last week our 3 year old DS went to bed and woke up about an hour later crying and feeling poorly. He was subsequently up until around 2am. During this time I dealt with him, DH just moaned that he was tired and went to sleep. The following day, even though it was me that had been up with DS, DH was in a foul mood with me, and wouldn't really speak to me, and instead just moaned about how tired he was. When the kids are ill DH goes very uncommunicative, and starts making smart arse comments at me like a child. He does it when I've been ill too, and I never get looked after at all if ill, I just have to soldier on.

About a year ago, DS was ill with a virus for almost a week, and again I stayed up with him every night, probably getting about 8 hours sleep in 4 nights in total. DH spent the whole time not talking to me, and just avoiding us really, and being like a surly child if I asked him to do anything.

He's like it with me too if either of our other children are ill. He also gets moody if any of them are badly behaved; DS woke up early this morning and had a tantrum because he's tired, and now it looks like I'm in for another day of not being spoken to by DH.

BumpingFuglies Sat 05-Jan-13 09:57:01

OP, my ex was like 2 people too - they sound very similar. He came home one day when DS was 6 days old (only took one day off work) and I was crying as struggling to BF. He yelled at me that I should be in a routine by now and he wasn't prepared to wait for his dinner. I think he was jealous of DS. Same when DS was ill - not enough attention on him.

You won't change him - you can only change yourself. Time to think about getting out IMO. It's not as hard as you might think.

ChristmasJubilee Sat 05-Jan-13 09:57:41

Could he be worried about them? Dh is a bit like this if one of the ds's is unwell especially ds3 who is a bit pampered "delicate". He leaves me to do everything for them and then is really abrupt with me and everything I do for them is wrong. I think he gets panicky when Ds3 is ill (he has been very unwell as a baby) as he always wants me to take him to OOH even when I know it's not necessary.

Or, he may just dislike his cosy little world being disrupted and be jealous of the attention they are getting!

Findingmyself Sat 05-Jan-13 09:58:03

The laziness I can cope with. I don't mind dealing with the DCs myself if they're ill. It's the bad moods I find difficult. Sulking, being uncommunicative, not talking to me, or just answering with short, snappy, cocky answers. All done with a 'look' on his face, as if I've done something dreadful.

AmberLeaf Sat 05-Jan-13 10:03:32

He sounds jealous of the attention you rightly give your children.

The moods and silent treatment are your punishment from him for not doing what he wants you to do ie make him the centre of your universe.

He sounds awful.

Get out for yours and your childrens sake. his behavior will have a lasting affect on their lives.

HappyNewHissy Sat 05-Jan-13 10:09:03

I've read enough.

You my love are in an abusive relationship.

When he threatens to leave again, take him up on that offer. This will only get worse love.

I'm so sorry

HappyNewHissy Sat 05-Jan-13 10:10:15

I bet he's a right wanker on their birthdays too, right?

What a truly tragic little man.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Sat 05-Jan-13 10:10:52

Am sorry, he sounds horrible. its in the difficult moments of life that people really show their true colours, and his reaction sound like a selfish, egocentric immature little beep.

Have you ever sat down and really talked through what he does and how it makes you feel? or (and i suspect this is the case), does he get angry, defensive and turn it all back on you?

it sounds like he 'blames' you and is angry at you when things don't go according to plan or the situation demands that he helps/ supports. Thats not a sign of a good man I'm afraid.

is this the only thing wrong with your relationship, or are there a lot of other niggly things in the same vein? for example when you are running late, or the dc are tired/ upset? or dinner isn't on the table/ house tidied etc?

Its worrying you say 'he's happy as long as everything suits him'... thats no way to live, as it puts the responsibility on you to make everything run smoothly to keep the peace. hummmm.

pictish Sat 05-Jan-13 10:12:41

He's jealous of the time and affection you give the kids when they're ill.

It's not a good sign at all.

littlestressy Sat 05-Jan-13 10:14:26

The way he treats you and the children whenever you/they are ill. Threatening to leave you after birth of your 3rd child, like he's got an alter ego, happy only when things are running the way he thinks they should be or how he wants....sorry but it really sounds like emotional abuse.

3smellysocks Sat 05-Jan-13 10:22:45

Tell him to either support you and the kids properly while ill or go stay with a friend if he intends to be useless and vile.

What a knob!

Ltb.

SarahWarahWoo Sat 05-Jan-13 10:28:03

If he won't acknowledge it then point out his behaviour? Tell him how it impacts on you.

What do you say to him when he complains that he is tired when the children have been ill? Have you tried actually saying that it isn't your fault when the children are ill?

MrsTomHardy Sat 05-Jan-13 10:30:31

Yep he's a knob alright.

LoopsInHoops Sat 05-Jan-13 10:36:52

Seriously? Kick him out, selfish twat.

MadamFolly Sat 05-Jan-13 10:36:54

Ltb

BeaWheesht Sat 05-Jan-13 10:45:34

Hmmm dh is a bit like this though he's fine when I'm ill. With him it's stress. Doesn't sound like your dh is very nice generally though...

CailinDana Sat 05-Jan-13 10:59:44

My dad was caring and concerned when we were ill, my mother acted like it was a massive inconvenience. It has seriously affected me. Be aware that it will affect your children too - they will definitely notice your DH's attitude.

Nasty, nasty man. I'm so sorry OP - like a few other people on here, I've been in a similar relationship and it didn't end well.

pigletmania Sat 05-Jan-13 11:46:53

Sorry op what's his redeeming features? He sounds god awful and sometimes it takes an objective pair f eyes for someone to wake up and see the reality. I don't want to havevtomsay this but here goes: leave the bastard!

susanann Sat 05-Jan-13 12:14:19

My first thought was is he jealous of the kids getting your attention?

shesariver Sat 05-Jan-13 12:23:20

This isnt going to end well. You have the choice now to do something about it. This isn't a proper relationship - where each partner mutually respects and supports each other.

CaptChaos Sat 05-Jan-13 12:30:44

Next time he threatens to leave, say in a bright happy voice 'Really? I thought you'd never do the right thing!' and pack his bags for him. I hope the door doesn't bang him on the arse on the way out.

He is a little boy playing at houses, this will not end well, make your escape plan.

ThereGoesTheYear Sat 05-Jan-13 12:32:24

What's he like when your attention is elsewhere for other reasons? When you go out on your own to see your friends/pursue your hobbies?
How is he when you're the centre of attention because it's your birthday/you've achieved something?
How does he react to you having male friends?

Proudnscaryvirginmary Sat 05-Jan-13 12:32:50

What are his good points? Because 'he's not always a twat' is not technically a good point.

post Sat 05-Jan-13 12:43:05

I think he probably does it to warn you off asking anything of him. If it works he'll keep doing it.

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