to still be devasted that my dog is gone?

(79 Posts)
smilingismyfavourite Sat 05-Jan-13 01:26:24

On the 23rd of Dec my dog was killed in a horrible accident. I was devastated and spent most of christmas eve barely holding it together. However, I have young kids and I had a houseful of guests so I manned up, put a face on and got on with it. I hope that my kids still had a happy Christmas even though I was in bits. Nearly two weeks later I am still broken hearted, but because he was "just a dog" I don't know where to go with this. I miss my boy so much but no one else even mentions it any more, like it was just an blip in the holiday celebrations. AIBU to still be gutted? AIBU to expect people to still care that I am so sad?

smilingismyfavourite Sat 05-Jan-13 01:27:44

sorry for spelling mistake in the title sad

happynewmind Sat 05-Jan-13 01:28:29

Yanbu, he wasn't just a dog he was part of your family.

Acky123 Sat 05-Jan-13 01:30:09

I'm so sorry. If anything ever happened to my dog I don't think I'd ever get over it sad

He was a much loved family member and I completely understand. I am so sorry, you must have had the most awful Christmas.

Sunnywithshowers Sat 05-Jan-13 01:31:27

YANBU. Your poor doggy. sad

Big hugs OP xxx

YANBU

There is no 'time limit' on grief.

Do you have a DH/DP that you could talk to?

Also, there's no such thing as just a dog' IME (though I know others may disagree).

Sorry for your loss sad

Booyhoo Sat 05-Jan-13 01:36:49

they are never 'just a dog' to at least 1 person they are alot more.

i feel your pain. my eldest cat was beaten up and died in june. i miss him so much, just silly little things like how he used to cuddle up on my bed and how affectionate he was, the other two cats are lovely but just aren't him. i cried for alot longer than 2 weeks but i was lucky to have a few very understanding friends who listened when i called them in tears because i had just remembered he was gone.

your pain will ease and when the shock goes you will be able to accept his death. until then just try and be around supportive people. i found my dcs are a great source of comfort as they still talk about him like he's here.

so sorry for your loss

(((hugs)))

smilingismyfavourite Sat 05-Jan-13 01:37:33

I am so, so sad sad Been keeping it all bottled up because we had guests and because he was my boy and so no one else will have felt it as bad as me. I just don't think anyon realises how awful I feel. It was a nasty accident and no ones fault. A visitor left our door open and he was killed by a car. After the second day no one has said a word to me about him :-( Thank you for your kind thoughts.

Arseface Sat 05-Jan-13 01:38:30

That's awful Smiling I'd be devastated. With an accident you have no chance to prepare yourself, unlike when a dog starts going downhill, and you can brace yourself for what's coming.
Did you have your dog for a long time? How old was he?
As you had to delay your grief for xmas it's probably going to hit you a bit harder and feel a bit weirder too. Give yourself some time. Two weeks is early days and it's probably just sinking in. Do you have any dog-owning friends who might understand better?

recall Sat 05-Jan-13 01:39:53

I had a one year old dog who died on Christmas Eve ( she stole and ate 1kg of sultanas - toxic to dogs )

It was dreadful, my parents arrived for Christmas and I ran out to greet them sobbing. My husband and I spent Christmas day crying.

You are so brave getting through it for your family

You are shocked and grieving, i agree with hapynewmind he was part of your family. sad

smilingismyfavourite Sat 05-Jan-13 01:42:45

My dcs miss him too, but they said my new years resolution should be to not cry about him anymore... They are only little, they don't really understand and don't like to see me upset so I have been really trying to keep it under control. The minute I told them he had died they were exceptionally upset, but just wanted another dog :-( DH is very supportive and is concerned that I am upset but he was "my dog" if you know what I mean. Dreading going back to work and everyone asking me how Christmas was. It was crap...

Oh, I'm so sorry about your boy.

FreudiansSlipper Sat 05-Jan-13 01:49:44

you are being hard on yourself and still probably in shock over the awful accident

if you want to cry just hid yourself away for a little when you can. It will ease in time but I still cry about my cat who I had to have put to sleep nearly 10 years ago I still miss her but it stopped hurting as much a long time ago

smilingismyfavourite Sat 05-Jan-13 01:51:09

recall :-( that is just dreadful. So sorry for your loss. He was also just a young dog and I think it is hard knowing he would have had so much life and love ahead of him.

Arse, I do have dog owning friends, some of whom we hosted at Christmas, they didn't mention him at all and have posted lots of pics of their adorable doggie and kids on FB ever since :-(

Think it is a bit like when you are ttc you see pg women everywhere. I am seeing happy dogs and happy owners everywhere. None of them are my boy though. Thank you for not thinking I am nuts xxx

Damash12 Sat 05-Jan-13 01:53:02

Aaahhh op I'm sending you hugs. I list my dog over a year ago and for many weeks after I felt distraught so don't think you should be over it because "it's just a dog" they can be our best friends and more loyal than some family members ime! Sorry for you loss hun xx

YANBU. I'm so sorry, how awful for you. I completely understand - you take as long as you need to deal with it. So sad for you OP. sad

smilingismyfavourite Sat 05-Jan-13 02:00:32

Am sitting with tears rolling down my face from all your lovely comments. It's such a hard time to lose someone so dear to you. You have reasurred me I am not mad (yet) and it is okay to still be sad. He was such a good and gorgeous boy sad So sorry for all the other posters who have had to go through similar things. Sending you big unMNty hugs too xx

stuffitunderthebed Sat 05-Jan-13 02:04:52

I feel so so sorry for you. I lost my little girl in April 2010 and I still dream about her. Miss her so much. She was very much 'my' dog and I understand how you feel. Take your time to grieve. Never mind its 'just a dog'. They are a part of the family with their own quirks, intelligence and warmth. I hope you feel better soon x

rosehill Sat 05-Jan-13 02:05:37

Oh I'm so sorry :-( I lost my boy over two years ago and I still miss him dreadfully! I have cried so many tears over that big beast. I never really understood the sentiment of missing a pet so badly until it happened to me.

I have two dogs now (one of the same breed) but they will never be a patch on him. I don't regret having them for a second and they are both adorable but I know for sure that I don't have the same bond with them as I did with him.

Lots of love to you. Cherish your memories x

soontobeburns Sat 05-Jan-13 02:05:44

Oh OP sad I will be frank one of the many deciding factors in dumping my X was when I said my BF was devestated to of lost her dog and he said "wise up its only a dog ffs" He had one too angry

Some people just dont realise how hard it is, but dont worry about grieving it is notmal and you need to allow yourself to do so.

Sending you lots of unMn hugs.

soontobeburns Sat 05-Jan-13 02:06:44

Is normal doh my phone is awful for spelling mistakes.

Arseface Sat 05-Jan-13 02:07:06

Have you spoken to any of your RL friends about how you're feeling? They may not have brought it up as you were so brave over Xmas.

Definitely find someone who understands to talk to. It really helps and bottling everything up will make the sharp pangs of grief last longer.
Don't worry about telling people at work either. You might be surprised how many of them understand and are more sympathetic than family or close friends who assume you're fine. Telling people is hard but is a really good way of letting out some of the grief.

Such a dreadful thing to have happened. I'm so sorry, I'd be in pieces - you're definitely not nuts.

smilingismyfavourite Sat 05-Jan-13 02:07:43

Crying lots and lots now. Thank you for saying it's okay xxxxx

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