To be absolutely livid with DH?

(96 Posts)
JingleUpTheHighway Thu 03-Jan-13 21:26:02

Dd2 is 7 months and has been a nightmare sleeper for the past 3 nights and we are both knackered . It is usual for her to be awake between 12am til 5am the past few nights.

Tonight , I popped to the shop whilst DH put dd2 to bed .

I came home to hear DD2 absolutely screaming , really upset sad

I went straight up to her nursery to find she was sitting crying in her cot .

DH had decided to do a bit of controlled crying without even consenting me ! I'm fucking furious .

I cuddled her to sleep and she was sobbing in her sleep sad . My poor baby .

I agree she needs to be able to sleep better & although i would never judge those that do cc , he knows I don't want to do it .

He thought he would "save me the upset " and do it whilst I was out .

AIBU to kick him on to the couch tonight and snuggle by little baby all night ??!

I'm furious angry

StuntGirl Mon 07-Jan-13 00:09:23

At no point did I say that. You did play the mother card and have put out the impression that his opinions are wrong. How he feels about that is something else entirely, and at no point did I state an opinion on that.

tinkletinklestar Fri 04-Jan-13 22:21:13

Yabu...especially to be 'livid' he is her parent too and has much a right to make decisions on how he wants to do things.

I think you owe him an apology, if him trying to get you both some sleep causes this kind of reaction from you then personally you need to sit down and discuss what to do properly as its gone wrong somewhere down the line..

JingleUpTheHighway Fri 04-Jan-13 22:03:12

Oh I can handle the heat stuntgirl - hence I accepted other people's opinions .

I was just pointing out that the way YOU said my DH would feel , was actually not how he felt at all ...smile

StuntGirl Fri 04-Jan-13 21:12:54

Well done for putting words in my mouth OP, always a stellar way to win a disagreement. If you can't handle the heat of AIBU then perhaps don't ask questions here. There are parenting/baby/sleeping topics which might be better suited to you.

marriedinwhite Fri 04-Jan-13 20:15:38

OP - bad ears are hell; I know, both of ours went rhrough it - DS 11 ear infections before grommets at 16 months and DD 8 before groms at 20 months. It's ghastly for the parents and even more so for the dc.

Be prepared for another bad night tonight but ime, it starts to settle after the 4(h dose of antib's.

Hope things are better and you have forgiven your DH. It works itself out eventually.

complexnumber Fri 04-Jan-13 18:50:00

Of course you are being a fucking nightmare.

But it sounds like your DH will get through.

houseelfdobby Fri 04-Jan-13 18:37:30

Hmmm...I can see why you were upset but, if your DH really was at his limit, it is so much better that he put her somewhere safe to cry for 10 or 15 minutes rather than losing his temper. Sometimes (have we not all been there?) one has just had enough and the parent needs time out. It's not like 5 mins or even 30 mins of being left to get on with it will have done your DD any harm. If she had older siblings, she would sometimes simply HAVE to wait while you got things done. SO, although I know how heartbreaking it must have been for you to hear her crying, please don't take it out on your DH - he may need his sleep more than you do.

DiamondDoris Fri 04-Jan-13 18:31:30

You need to decide together how you approach parenting - he may think cc is a good solution to settling a child, you must discuss this and come up with what method is best. I must admit I did control crying with my two and it worked - they learned to sleep finally. Before that they couldn't nap or sleep - endless walking them up and down as I was against cc at the time - it was 2 hvs that told me to try cc. They rarely cried beyond 5 minute. Anyway, I'm not advocating cc if you don't want to do it, but he is their parent too. Cuddling to sleep is not a good way for young children to learn how to sleep IMO. Have you tried putting the washing machine on or vacuuming nearby? Worked a treat smile

I think you should give him a break. I am personally totally against CC and have a 20 month old that needs reading to sleep and often ends up in my bed so I do understand, but i don;t thing what he did was malicious or meant to upset anyone. Hope you get a good night tonight.

maddening Fri 04-Jan-13 18:24:23

Just to note the "diminishing role" comments - I am pretty much responsible for ds sleep - am bf and doing all night wakings - am the one that would be doing any sleep training and I still have discussed all our decisions with df - asked df to look at various methods and asked what he thought and decided together - so the op expecting the dh to discuss first isn't diminishing his role - it's expecting to be treated equally imo.

maddening Fri 04-Jan-13 18:19:39

Oh sorry have just noticed the ear infection

maddening Fri 04-Jan-13 18:18:28

Ps the waking sounds like teething or growth spurt which is definitely the wrong time to sleep train imo

pictish Fri 04-Jan-13 17:38:42

OP, I was really referring to the overall tone of the thread, and how others have contributed.

maddening Fri 04-Jan-13 17:36:25

Yanbu - any sleep training requires consistency which your dh couldn't provide as you as parents had not discussed and agreed this method. Not to mention that he knew you were against this method.

Aww Jingle, I hope she's feeling better soon, its horrid having a baby with an ear infection. Here's hoping you all get some sleep, but at least you know that she was crying for a reason!

PessaryPam Fri 04-Jan-13 16:35:18

Always look for the red ear, it's a tell.

JingleUpTheHighway Fri 04-Jan-13 16:34:03

Sorry I probably didn't explain myself properly - he would have gone up after 5 mins as you do with cc - if I hadn't have come in, he would have shushed her and then left her 10mins.

StuntGirl as you believe I have diminished my DH and played the mother card and probably emotionally scarred him, as well as trampled on his parenting so he never contributes again... I asked my DH if he felt like this ...

He told me "not to be daft " , he "shouldn't have gone against what we agreed in the first place without discussing it first " - so thanks for your input but I think you have generalised a bit too much !

As an aside , I took dd2 to the dr this afternoon after she was up again most of the night - she has an ear infection and is on anti biotics .
No wonder she was so upset .

CinnabarRed Fri 04-Jan-13 15:16:03

"It was only 5 mins because I walked in the door . If I hadn't, he would have left her longer to do cc."

Not wishing to argue with you, but you said up thread that - "He thought the idea was to go back after 5 mins to settle her" - which is my understanding of how CC works too. So he was planning to go back and offer her comfort. It's not fair to now say that he wasn't.

StuntGirl Fri 04-Jan-13 15:06:55

Jesus I'm being thick today aren't I grin Yes, am 100% on the same page as you pictish

It does diminish his role because you've essentially said "When you make a decision it is wrong ". You're playing the mother card and I think it does neither parent any good when that happens.

That said I hope you can both manage a good night's sleep tonight, and find a solution that works for you both. Sleep deprivation is the worst, so I empathise there.

PessaryPam Fri 04-Jan-13 15:05:08

Jingle, I am glad to have been of help. My work here is done. I am off to Mary Poppins some other thread.

JingleUpTheHighway Fri 04-Jan-13 14:55:53

pictish ... I hardly think he has been diminished !
If you discuss something with your partner and he went against what you both agreed would you be pissed?? I think so!

It was only 5 mins because I walked in the door . If I hadn't , he would have left her longer to do cc. That point you seem to have missed .

JingleUpTheHighway Fri 04-Jan-13 12:34:52

PessaryPam ... I think you have completely missed the point hmm

If you have read my other posts up thread , you will see what I was angry at .

And yes.... When you are sleep deprived and working full time ... Sometimes you do need a grip - thanks for pointing that out . You've been most helpful hmm

3smellysocks Fri 04-Jan-13 12:26:49

I would be upset too. There are ways of helping them sleep which doesn't involve just leaving them to scream on their own. He could have just held her hand while she was in the cot. It should have been discussed and a joint decision made.

Well said Ephiny.

Ephiny Fri 04-Jan-13 11:18:11

Tbh if this was the other way round -- if a mother posted to say her husband had been 'absolutely livid' and 'furious' with her for leaving their baby safely in the cot while she popped to the loo for 5 minutes, and she'd had to 'promise it wouldn't happen again'? We'd be hearing words like 'abusive' and 'controlling' by now.

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