To be absolutely livid with DH?

(96 Posts)
JingleUpTheHighway Thu 03-Jan-13 21:26:02

Dd2 is 7 months and has been a nightmare sleeper for the past 3 nights and we are both knackered . It is usual for her to be awake between 12am til 5am the past few nights.

Tonight , I popped to the shop whilst DH put dd2 to bed .

I came home to hear DD2 absolutely screaming , really upset sad

I went straight up to her nursery to find she was sitting crying in her cot .

DH had decided to do a bit of controlled crying without even consenting me ! I'm fucking furious .

I cuddled her to sleep and she was sobbing in her sleep sad . My poor baby .

I agree she needs to be able to sleep better & although i would never judge those that do cc , he knows I don't want to do it .

He thought he would "save me the upset " and do it whilst I was out .

AIBU to kick him on to the couch tonight and snuggle by little baby all night ??!

I'm furious angry

sausagesandwich34 Thu 03-Jan-13 21:27:27

yes he should have talked to you but he is just as much her parent as you are

KenLeeeeeee Thu 03-Jan-13 21:27:43

YANBU, poor baby sad 7 months is far too young for any manner of "controlled crying".

Fairylea Thu 03-Jan-13 21:28:30

I would be furious too.

How long had he left her for???

SirBoobAlot Thu 03-Jan-13 21:28:59

That's disgusting. I'd be furious, especially as he knows you don't want to do it!!!

Certainly snuggle little one all night, poor thing sad

izzyhasanewchangeling Thu 03-Jan-13 21:30:20

I popped to asda and was cross with DH for not ringing me and letting me know baby was crying so I could come straight home.

Keep her in bed with you/

redwellybluewelly Thu 03-Jan-13 21:30:50

Yanbu, I would be pissed off too. Our DD was a terrible sleeper, 45min at a time until about 18months and at 29months has done one night 7-11 and 12-6 which was the best one so far.

The only time I would accept that situation is if DH has got to the end of his patience and put her somewhere safe while he took a few minutes out.

Stixswhichtwizzle Thu 03-Jan-13 21:31:54

sad poor baby! I'd be furious you should BOTH decide on things such as CC. I'd be tempted to snuggle with her tonight and let hubby cry it out downstairs too smile

JingleUpTheHighway Thu 03-Jan-13 21:32:11

He says he had only left her for a few minutes , but the problem is she is used to being cuddled to sleep blush

He just laid her in her cot and shushed her then left the room. It was obviously a shock for her hence the upset sad

Snazzynewyear Thu 03-Jan-13 21:33:14

Also, what's the point of doing it when he puts her to bed given that (from what you've posted) she sleeps ok earlier on in the evening? You might as well make the most of the time she does sleep, and agree a strategy for the deathly 12-5 period. And as others have said, this should be agreed not just chosen by one person. You have to work as a team on this stuff.

CaptainVonTrapp Thu 03-Jan-13 21:33:52

YANBU. 3 nights and he decides he needs to do some 'sleep training'. Bollocks. He couldn't be arsed.

VenusRising Thu 03-Jan-13 21:34:24

Wow, you guys need to sit down and discuss your tactics.
Poor new parents!
Sleep deprivation is so awful.

Hope your little one starts to let you get some rest soon.

Btw, you don't have to rush home if your DD cries, there is another parent there! Best of luck in working it all out.

HecatePropolos Thu 03-Jan-13 21:34:41

For a start, how dim is he to think he could do it in one evening? They don't just scream themselves to sleep once and that's it!
I'm not a fan of cc and never did it but even I know THAT!

JingleUpTheHighway Thu 03-Jan-13 21:35:28

DH has realised how annoyed I am and now feels a bit guilty .

He says its just because he is so tired , he is desperate for her to sleep . I can kind of understand , but I still think he has gone the wrong way about it .

And I'm still angry

He is sleeping on the couch tonight - voluntarily (think be wants the sleep!)

marriedinwhite Thu 03-Jan-13 21:35:39

She was sitting crying in her cot rather than go to sleep. She has kept you both up for three nights. I might get her ears checked to make sure there's not an underlying problem. But you left DH in charge. He did what he thought was best and he is her parent too. He probably also did it for you too.

CC was very common when mine were small. It worked for DS but not for DD who is much more stubborn. But I did used to pop DD in her cot and close the door when she was a baby for up to an hour so I could have some quality time with DS who was 3.5 when she was born. Usually when I went up to get her she was fast asleep and it stopped being a problem whilst she needed day time sleeps. Didn't work at night though.

CC did neither of them any harm; they are older teenagers now.

KittyBreadfan Thu 03-Jan-13 21:35:54

omg I would be furious too. Its not even controlled crying if he just put her down and left her to it, its crying it out which is purely barbaric at ANY age. Thoughtless, rather than malicious I would suspect, since he said he thought he would save you doing it since you were out, but I would still be incredibly cross!

SirBoobAlot Thu 03-Jan-13 21:37:09

Also if it has only been the last few nights this has been going on, then there is probably a reason for it.

Poor little baby.

I honestly don't think I could forgive that.

inabeautifulplace Thu 03-Jan-13 21:38:00

It's not the wisest choice in the world, but made under the influence of sleep deprivation I would say there are some mitigating circumstances. It's important that neither of you take big parenting decisions alone, but I think your best chance of discussing this constructively would be when you are all a little more rested.

LouisWalshsChristmasCloset Thu 03-Jan-13 21:38:08

Dont be emabarressed about snuggling your baby to.sleep. I did until 18 montns. No rods on my back.

If its not a problem then dont make it one.if it is then do.something that works for both of you and your dd. And YANBU.

cassell Thu 03-Jan-13 21:38:41

Yanbu. I've been out in the eve twice since ds2 (8mo) was born, both times v local for a max of 2hrs (ebf won't take a bottle). Both times I told dh to call me if ds2 was unsettled/hungry/upset and I'd come back. He didn't (as wanted me to have some childfree time) and both times when I got back ds2 was upset and dh said he'd been upset most of the time I was out sad I hate the thought that I was out enjoying myself chatting to friends while ds2 was crying sad I'd much rather dh had called me but he thinks I'm too soft and it won't do him any harm to cry a bit.

DoubleYew Thu 03-Jan-13 21:38:45

If its a very recent change I wouldn't be surprised if she has a tooth coming in.

You need to talk (calmly) to dh about this so he doesn't try and do it again.

AFAIK cc was developed for 18mo+ olds and is much less likely to work for younger babies. This line of argument might work if your dh thinks you are 'soft'.

Megatron Thu 03-Jan-13 21:39:43

Well its something that you discuss, not just 'try it out' for sure. To be honest he's probably just so shattered, like you are, and a bit desperate. I'm not a fan of cc at all but cuddling her to sleep every night may mean that yyour DD is unable to settle herself again if she wakes. I did exactly this with mine and I do wonder if this is why they didn't settle.

JamieandtheMagiTorch Thu 03-Jan-13 21:40:53

I agree with Megatron

JingleUpTheHighway Thu 03-Jan-13 21:42:37

He says it was definitely only a few minutes , he had just popped to the loo then came downstairs as I walked in.

He thought the idea was to go back after 5 mins to settle her .

I've explained why I'm against it and he has promised it won't happen again - he says it was badly judged as he is just so tired .

I don't think there is anything wrong with her , she isn't crying when she wakes in the small hours - she is just awake and climbing about the cot .

JamieandtheMagiTorch Thu 03-Jan-13 21:47:49

I had a CareBear with a tummy that lit up and played a tune when DS2 stirred in the night, at this age.

Another thing you could try is "waking to sleep". Google it, it worked for me. Basically, you go in and rouse the baby, just enough for them to roll over, make a sound, but not wake fully. You do this a bout an hour before they normally wake. Sounds strange but it shifts their sleep pattern a bit.

I don't think 7 months is too young to gently get them used to the idea of not being cuddled to sleep, as well

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