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To leave dd2 in the car outside tesco whilst i run in to buy 2 things?

(137 Posts)
Marne Thu 03-Jan-13 20:29:00

Dd2 is almost 7 and has ASD, she had been asking for a magazine all morning, its her favorite magazine and she knows what day it comes out (which was today), usually i go and buy it when she's at school or i go whilst she's at home with dh as she's not keen on supermarkets (bright lights and too busy) but dh had gone out and told me just to take her to get it.

I took both the dd's with me, dd1 is almost 8, got to Tesco's and dd2 refused to get out of the car so i parked in the p&c space right outside the front door, locked them in the car, ran in, grabbed a loaf of bread and the magazine, payed and came straight out. Dd's were fine.

Dh thinks i was wrong to leave them on their own in the car, maybe i was? but if i had tried to take dd2 out of the car she would have had a meltdown and if i turned around and went back home she would scream for the rest of the day (as she wouldn't have got her magazine).

So is dh BU or AIBU?

LouisWalshsChristmasCloset Thu 03-Jan-13 20:31:12

Shes 7
the car was locked
you werent long. Yanbu

pamelat Thu 03-Jan-13 20:32:32

Oh im reallysorry as I do getwhere youare coming from but I agreewith your dh

Im assuming you couldnt see them rather than petrol statiin tesco

Ignore bad tyoing, new tablet!

kim147 Thu 03-Jan-13 20:33:15

I do it occasionally when DS (7) can't be arsed to get out of the car and I just want to get some stuff rather than have him be a pain in the shops.

It's very very unlikely anything would happen.

ImaginateMum Thu 03-Jan-13 20:38:02

I think he was unreasonable to put you in that situation but I personally do not think it was a good solution.

PiccadillyCervix Thu 03-Jan-13 20:38:41

What if she had gotten out and wandered off?

Marne Thu 03-Jan-13 20:39:39

It is a very small Tesco, dd1 was in the car with her, they were locked in. What could have happened to her? i'm sure no one would be able to take her (as i couldn't even get her out of the car without her shouting) smile.

kim147 Thu 03-Jan-13 20:41:07

The UK is not full of people on every corner just waiting to grab a small child from a car.

trapclap Thu 03-Jan-13 20:41:17

I think its ok...

Marne Thu 03-Jan-13 20:41:25

She can't unlock the car (she doesn't know how) so could not get out, the windows sont open unless car is switched on and i'm sure dd1 would not have let her get out even if she was able too.

ImaginateMum Thu 03-Jan-13 20:42:17

I wouldn't be worried about her getting kidnapped. I would be worried about her changing her mind, getting out, and getting run over.

PiccadillyCervix Thu 03-Jan-13 20:43:28

Me too imaginatemum

PiccadillyCervix Thu 03-Jan-13 20:44:11

Or the car doing something weird and scaring the kids (alarm going off etc)

Maria33 Thu 03-Jan-13 20:44:17

YANBU - maybe he should have bought the magazine. wink

SparklingSnow Thu 03-Jan-13 20:45:44

I think your DH was VU to put you in that situation. He knows that your daughter doesn't like going into supermarkets and that she has a routine of getting her magazine on a particular day.

However, my daughter has ASD and I cannot imagine leaving her outside a supermarket in a car. There's all manner of things that could happen. And I'm not just talking about a child snatcher either! What if your DD had changed her mind and got out of the car?

Dromedary Thu 03-Jan-13 20:46:40

YANBU. Having said that, I did the same thing when my 2 DCs were a similar age, and when I came out of the shop a couple of women were circling the car disapprovingly and about to take down the licence plate. Sadly it's sometimes not about what is right for your DCs, but how others may perceive it.

Sirzy Thu 03-Jan-13 20:46:59

I think when a child is autistic it is hard for anyone else to judge because nobody else knows the child and how they respond.

Marne Thu 03-Jan-13 20:48:48

I dont think she would be able to get out, doors only unlock with the key or using the main button which she doesn't know about, also she was in the back so child locks (dd1 was in the front so she would have had to get past her first). We were parked right outside the front door so i could almost see the car from the magazine section.

I did tell dh that he could have got the magazine whilst he was out.

formerdiva Thu 03-Jan-13 20:49:07

I think it's ok too. But this is a vey emotive theme on MN - I'm sure you'll have lots of very strong opinions posted, so be warned! smile

JeezyOrangePips Thu 03-Jan-13 20:51:44

I wouldn't.

A friend of mine popped into a shop for a few things - she wasn't in for long. When she came out her car was on fire. She is single, there was no-one in the car. But it made me very wary about leaving anything irreplaceable in my car.

Yes, I know it's rare. And before that incident I would have left the kids in the car for a few minutes. But never again.

HollyBerryBush Thu 03-Jan-13 20:52:54

I probably would have done the same - but only if I could trust a child of 7 not to fiddle with the handbreak/annoy everyone in a 15 mile radius by horn banging etc!

I wouldn't knock you for it Op - needs must be addressed at certain times.

FWIW I'll hang myself out to dry as well - I never took the car seat in from the petrol forecourt when paying for petrol either!

SparklingSnow Thu 03-Jan-13 20:53:50

JeezyOrangePips - that's the type of thing that would stop me from doing it as well. These things can happen and there's no telling when it could be.

littleducks Thu 03-Jan-13 20:55:18

I leave my kids in the car, they are younger.

DD knows how to lock and unlock the doors from the inside so she could get out if there was a fire or something unexpected, if anything happens that worries her she knows to repeatedly press the horn.

I don't think its too much repsonsibility, kids used to walk to school alone at age 5 (and still do in parts of Europe) I think its good to give them a little bit of trust with clear rules and guidelines for them to follow.

FrankWippery Thu 03-Jan-13 20:55:59

Meh, I leave DD3 (almost 4) in the car all the time when I'm nipping into shops.

yfuwchhapus Thu 03-Jan-13 20:57:23

My LO-7 has ASD and I would never leave her in the car..although HF I just could never do it! I am slightly neurotic so maybe it's just me worrying about the what ifs! Every mum and child is different and I trust you did the right thing for your child or you wouldn't have done it! Just follow your gut instinct.

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