to ask if you are one of three kids did you ever feel 'left out'?

(93 Posts)
Arachnophobe Thu 03-Jan-13 07:21:40

I am divided whether to contemplate DC4 but would really like a perspective first from people who are one of three or four kids and was there any reason you wish it were different?
I am not looking at practicalities or else would not be typing this madness rather how it might affect the dynamic.
DH is 'middle child' and is divided as would like four but concerned that they would not get enough time wise from us individually.
I only have one sibling and always wanted more but that might have just been 'the grass is always greener' thinking.

wtf1981 Fri 04-Jan-13 01:29:06

*never felt left out!

chickensarmpit Fri 04-Jan-13 01:44:54

I'm 1 of 4 and i wouldn't change it for the world. Yes things were a struggle growing up but we had each other. 2 girls, 2 boys and i'm the eldest.
We had our ups and downs but we were always their for each other.
I have 3 kids and they're just as close smile
I miss my childhood mostly because i miss living with my brothers and sister. Having 4 kids is a great idea.

Spinkle Fri 04-Jan-13 06:18:56

Youngest of three, last on everyone's list. I was probably a huge attention seeker because of it- was a real fibber blush

StupidFlanders Fri 04-Jan-13 06:55:01

I really enjoyed being 1 of 3.

We had 4 years between oldest to youngest.

We played either all together or paired while one of us did something alone or with a parent. I think the odd number really supported the opportunity to develop independent and group skills.

Lara2 Fri 04-Jan-13 09:38:54

Middle one of 3 here - it was horrible when we were growing up! There's 2 years between each of us and strangely, the 4 year gap between my Dsis and DB meant they got on famously. Always picked on me or left me out. However, as we got older it all changed radically and we are all the best of friends (mostly!) these days. We are in our early 50's mind you!!!!

My experiences of growing up as the classic middle child meant that when I had my DC's it was 2 or 4 - definitely not 3! (We has 2 because we couldn't afford 4 sad}

3smellysocks Fri 04-Jan-13 12:51:40

My parents had 4 . Two siblings were really close and two not close at all. My parents had very little time to spend with us individually and with me particularly. I felt they were spread too thin and we all knew it. There were also two middle children rather then just one. I felt embarrassed going to peoples houses as my siblings were like a pack of dogs - eating and playing. I could tell my parents felt overwhelmed and found discipline hard. We rarely got invited out as we were such a handful and ate stacks - also we never ate out at cafe's etc as it was too expensive feeding 6. Oddly enough all my siblings all have three children each now.

I have three and I can just about manage to give them all my time. They all play nicely and get on. I haven't seen the 2 against 1 thing yet but I expect it will happen at some point but the youngest is only 2.

I think children getting on depends on how much parental attention they receive and what their personalties are like.

3smellysocks Fri 04-Jan-13 13:07:57

Just reading the posts above. I was one of four and non of us looked after each other - it was dog eat dog although there was the expectation that I do (what they considered) 'womens jobs' around the home.

I think it's really bad to expect children to fulfill a need that should be met by parents. I know of a couple with 8 children and the kids 'bring their siblings up'. I can see how this causes a lot of resentment with children enforcing rules and jobs - also the kids are not getting the individual parental time they desperately need.

ZZZenAgain Fri 04-Jan-13 13:12:27

I'm the middle dc of 3. My older sister and I are just a year apart, my brother is 3 years younger than I am. He was always left out. Perhaps it was the age gap, perhaps it was because he was a boy.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Fri 04-Jan-13 13:16:13

I am one of 3. I am the middle child. There were constant fights, side taking, ganging up etc. I didn't feel left out as i was the kind of child who removed myself, and wasn't particularly interested in my parents attention. My sisters however still seem to be in a battle for attention as adults.

Softlysoftly Fri 04-Jan-13 13:23:08

I was the youngest of 3 and then 10 years later became a middle of 4. I never remember feeling left out, we argued as all girls but never felt a lack of attention.

Now as adults I wouldn't be without my large family. DH is oldest of 4 (was 5 they lost a brother) and again no issues with attention or love! I think if you make sure all is balanced each child can feel loved equally. Though financially mum and dad were able to sustain space and hobbies for each of us which helped. Though DHs family room weren't as financially stable and are all fine.

I'm seriously considering DC3 as I want my children to have the benefit of a big supportive family when older. I know that I can always call on someone and they will be there!

The only thing we did done an issue is the 10yr gap led to some issues for little sis with older parents, and siblings a life stage ahead iyswim.

Arachnophobe Sat 05-Jan-13 14:04:08

Thanks to you all.
I casually asked DS1 (9) and DS2 (6) what they feel and they were each adamant that they want another brother or sister one day.
That might be because 8mo DS3 is delightful and has not toddler trashed any of their things/argued/fought and is not in their rooms yet wink.
My head says no, heart says yes but circumstances will decide in the future.

AmberSocks Sat 05-Jan-13 14:40:36

i am not 1 of 3 but i have 4,3 were 3 were born in 2 years,the eldest and youngest(now 2nd middle)get on like a house on fire and are really similar,personality looks everything,they dont get on with dc2 who is very different to them,and they dont half let him know it,it breaks my heart,hopefully it will get better now we have 4,or if we have a girl.

AmberSocks Sat 05-Jan-13 14:43:33

i thinkitsmoredown toparenting though,i was 1 of two,halfbrother 7 years younger,i still didnt get any attention and my mum hated every minute ofbeing a mum toyoung kids,which she is happytoadmit.

JaquelineHyde Sat 05-Jan-13 14:47:55

I am 1 of 7 and the middle child (3 older brothers, 2 younger brothers and 1 younger sister)

I never felt left out and would happily do it all over again.

No concerns about typical sibling rivalry as this happens regardless of whether you have 2 or 20.

As for attention from parents, this is down to the parents and nothing to do with how many children you have. I got plenty and still have a fabulous relationship with my parents.

CrikeeThree Sat 05-Jan-13 14:49:09

I'm one of three (the middle one). So is DH. Of course there were times when I felt left out. But that's life isn't it?
I mean, it teaches you to negotiate and to deal with relationships. How to get on with different people at different times.
At certain times in my life I've felt closer, overall, to my younger sibling. At other times, I've felt closer to my elder sibling. I wouldn't be without either of them.
If you have 4 DCs, you'd still get differing dynamics, disagreements, pairings etc. That won't change. You'll just get it even more, surely?
I don't know why people worry about the dynamics with 3DCs so much. What happens on the days when you hate your sibling if you're one of two? Because I had plenty of those! smile

CrikeeThree Sat 05-Jan-13 14:49:59

X-post with Jaqueline
Totally agree.

whathaveiforgottentoday Sat 05-Jan-13 14:50:39

I'm one of 3 and agree one gets left out which in our case was the younger of my 2 brothers. I'm the baby and only girl.
My SIL agrees as she was a middle child.

binkybonk Sat 05-Jan-13 15:10:04

Haven't read a single other message other than the OP, but needed to say- I'm one of 4 and it was fabulous. Am sure all families are different, but it was and is lovely to have three different people always on your side. We do 'pair up' from time to time as adults, but ways different pairs for different things and all always fun! Love them all grin

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