To be annoyed my ex calls my son a pervert!

(47 Posts)
Dryjuice25 Thu 03-Jan-13 03:01:44

We separated in 2012 when I was pregnant. Ds is 6 months old. He is welcome to come and see the baby, which he's happy to do daily for an hour or so as I wont let him have ds at his house yet.

I am breastfeeding my son and so did I my dds. Everytime I get terribly annoyed when he remarks that dd3 is a "pervert" when I feed him, just because of the way he leisurely latches on/demands his feeds. I have told him to stop it and he keeps doing this and it drives me mad. AIBU to hate that he makes such idiotic remarks?

pumpkinsweetieMasPudding Thu 03-Jan-13 09:33:21

What a disgusting thing to say about the most natural thing in the world.
He sounds like a complete prune!

This thread has made my skin crawl. He sounds like the pervert. I would seek professional advice so you can document this issue now in case it escalates.

TheSecondComing Thu 03-Jan-13 09:45:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedlesCuties Thu 03-Jan-13 10:06:40

That sort of reminds me of a woman I once met who said she'd breastfeed her DS, but not a DD as it isn't normal to have a female suck her nipples hmm shock

OP, your ex sounds like a strange man.

Dryjuice25 Thu 03-Jan-13 12:20:24

The SecondComing- He is the father of all 3. He is abit strange. No He doesn't make inappropriate remarks about the girls apart from the occassional " girls dont behave like that" if girls expresss/do something he deems not ladylike. They are 7 and 5 for crying out loud.

He boasts about ds manhood to his dad, who just laughs it off and thinks nothing of it, which surprises me, hence me thinking I was wrong thinking he is odd.

Was with him 8 years and no I didn't take time to really know him and became pregnant with dd1 pretty quickly which in my opinion, was a big mistake. It took years to get rid of him as I became really unhappy.

I wouldn't go as far as thinking he would do anything inappropriate but I do worry about his influence on my dcs as already my girls prefer his house as they get to play games all the time instead of my house where they "read all the time" and I'm gutted about this as they really loved reading beforehand because I interested them but now they find books boring!

EllenParsons Thu 03-Jan-13 12:28:04

That is a gross and weird comment. He sounds awful!

Dryjuice25 Thu 03-Jan-13 12:29:00

Boomerwang, his record is clean as far as I know.

FolkElf- I really do worry about that daily but my daughters worship him as they don't have to eat much vegetables and can go to bed at 10 pm without having to do any home reading iced with lots of playstation games which at 7yrs is pretty appealing! They are at his half the time.

Hmmmm, yeah the 'his house is more fun' is a common problem with separated parents unfortunately.
I would be concerned, not about him being a pervert, although they are very unsavoury things to think and say about a baby, (I have heard the 'cor he's a big boy' said about a baby boy before) but more about what his comments are going to make your children feel like and think about themselves as they get older.

I would definitely put my foot down for now about his horrible remarks, you may feel guilty about the split still, but you are not being unreasonable on this.

Dryjuice25 Thu 03-Jan-13 13:05:29

Alien, I totally agree. I worry about how my kids will turn out because of his influence.We are completely different in our parenting methods. I am not perfect but I do try my best to support their positive development as they already have suffered enough due to the break-up. He also says nasty things to them about me re the break-up.

I lost my job last year, our living standards have dropped but I can still have a budget that includes fruit and veg whereas he prioritises fags and booze. He doesn't eat healthly either which bothers me now as the kids will be have to eat what he has, which does not offer much in terms of real nutritional value. He is not an alcoholic and claims to be looking for a job.

He can't see why I think the kids fall into the deprived catergory. AIBU to think that kids like mine, whose parents are not in work are deprived? Of course someone might work and not budget well/have debts etc and kids can still be deprived in that situation but Ex thinks the kids are not deprived and this breaks my heart as I hope for so much more for my kids and I am already looking to go back to work this year.

MalibuStac Thu 03-Jan-13 13:56:55

He's playing the old chestnut of how better off the kids are at his. Is it only DS who has supervised contact? Maybe you should try to set up ground rules between you as to how much game play and sweets are acceptable?

Catchingmockingbirds Thu 03-Jan-13 14:09:34

He's probably deliberately saying it now so you'll express and let him take his children out on his own.

Dryjuice25 Thu 03-Jan-13 14:15:39

Catchingmockingbirds, yes, I thought ds was too young for stay overs thats all.

12ylnon Thu 03-Jan-13 14:25:07

UGH DS's dad did this once when DS was having his nappy changed because he liked having 'an airing'. It made my stomach turn, i thought it was totally inappropriate and creepy.
Needless to say he only saw DS a handful of times after that (not because i prevented him, but because he wasn't bothered.), think that was a definite warning sign.

CordeliaChase Thu 03-Jan-13 14:31:42

This thread made my skin crawl. How gross to sexualise a child like that. Warning bells are definitely going off!!

I was so freaked once when a bunch of women in a shop called my DS 'sexy'. He was only about 5 mo! Strange women!! But for the DS dad to say things like that about his own son, how could he possibly think that that's ok?!

CecilyP Thu 03-Jan-13 15:00:08

At first, I just thought your ex just sounded extremely imature with regard to his comments, but the measuring thing is just weird. I would tell him off in no uncertain terms every time he says something inappropriate.

In the short-term, I would continue to BF and not let him have DS on his own and definitely don't bother to express.

TalkativeJim Thu 03-Jan-13 15:09:09

Warning bells.

I'd make him think about this. Tell him that if you hear him making sexual remarks about any of your children again, you'll stop contact, and he can explain to social services himself why he thinks making inappropriate sex talk around children is ok and funny.

And tell him if contact stops for one, it would have to stop for them all. Sexual remarks are abusive.

I'd be trying to cut down the time your other DC spend over at his I'm afraid.

marc365 Thu 03-Jan-13 15:13:45

Cock measurements?? Jees, the bloke is a perv

TalkativeJim Thu 03-Jan-13 15:17:38

Actually re-reading and seeing that he has measured your child's genitals - please do not allow him unsupervised contact at all. That is seriously wrong.

Make it clear to him that the options aren't you expressing and him getting to take the baby out, they are that you stop contact and ask for advice on the issue.

Dryjuice25 Thu 03-Jan-13 19:33:58

Thank you all. I am now intent on cutting the time he spends with all dcs. I think you are all right about this.

Thank you re advice.

flippinada Thu 03-Jan-13 19:44:40

That's very disturbing and I think we all know who the pervert is here.

Make a note of all this and certainly don't let him have unsupervised access to your son.

flippinada Thu 03-Jan-13 19:45:36

Perhaps stopping contact altogether would be for the best. He sounds horrible.

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 03-Jan-13 19:56:34

That's a deeply strange thing to call a baby when they're being fed. Or indeed ever actually!

What a knob.

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