To want dh to buy me a new car?

(59 Posts)
IloveChristmasandsodoesmydog Wed 02-Jan-13 22:21:18

Before becoming a sahm I always paid for my own things. Since being a sahm I have swapped cars with dh as he had the big car. He used my little run around to commute to work, and then decided to trade it up and buy himself a brand new car. That was fair enough, his car that I swapped for is a lovely big comfortable car.

However it is now getting on a bit and things are starting to go and I feel it is time to swap it for something else. Now if I still earnt my own money it wouldn't be a problem. I would simply find something I liked and buy it. I would discuss it with him but it would be my decision because its my money and my car.

The trouble is I don't earn anymore and don't have any money. So it wouldn't be my money that paid for it, it would be his. I would have to ask him to buy me a car. Now I don't see a massive problem with this. I gave up my earning potential to look after the kids. This was a joint decision, he is happy for me to be at home and he has no problem in being responsible for everything and he is very generous. Except when it comes to a purchase as big as this. Apparently we can't afford to buy another car. Well we could when he wanted one. A brand new one. I'm not asking for a brand new one, just a newer one in better condition.

AIBU to ask him to pay? I feel a bit confused. I know any money that comes into the house should be shared and not seen as just 'his' money. But I still feel as though I have to ask. I guess it's a big purchase but it just doesn't seem to carry as much importance as when he wanted a car. His suits his job and his hobbies so was an important purchase, apparently. Mine just carries the kids in, nothing important. hmm

Reading this back I know I sound a bit whiny and entitled and first world problem, but I can't work out whether I just feel entitled to one because he had one, or whether I'm right to expect him to pay for it. It's going to need replacing at some point and probably before I ever go back to work. There's no way I can afford to pay for a car. I have a bit of an allowance from him and it goes on my personal bills, pension, etc store cards every month.

Apologies for the long rant. Feels better for writing it down!

PartridgeInASpicyPearTree Thu 03-Jan-13 15:25:43

Just to clarify I wasn't trying to suggest that you are being abused. Just that I find the idea that all the household money is his because you stay at home to look after the DCs a bit awful. Whatever your access to accounts etc, from what you have said yourself the basic premise that you work on is that is all the money is his. He can buy a new car if likes, discussing it only as a courtesy. You, on the other hand, have to go to him and make a case for him to buy one for you, like a child.

Here everything goes in a pot and from the day it is received it is family money, although some is held in sole names e.g. ISAs. We trust each other with small expense and large ones like cars are discussed and agreed on together, with no reference to who brought the money in. This doesn't work for everyone, but if all the money is his, wouldn't you at least want to be paid for the childcare (say top nanny rates plus a huge uplift for being their actual mum) you are doing instead of woh then work out some split of contributions to joint expenses. You'd be worse off than him, because of the low monetary value placed on childcare, but as it stands with your set up and mind set you actually, conceptually, have nothing. Just because he doesn't abuse it doesn't make it right.

RedToothbrush Thu 03-Jan-13 15:30:01

Transport is an ongoing investment though, rather than whether you might get a return as such in the end. You generally need it one way or another and you can't get out of it. You could choose to invest your transport money in a rail ticket, an old car or a new car - there are risks and benefits associated with all.

What you could be investing in for a new car could be in terms of reliability and predictability of repairs, rather than value to sell on with at the end of the day. If its going to start costing £500 every year to repair something (and age/wear affects the efficiency of the car too) and the running costs are going up substantially, then finding £1500 for a deposit on a car which has much lower running costs can be a worthwhile investment.

I know that my costs in running the car we currently have are less than we had previously. Our investment is essentially the deposit we placed on the car, rather than what is worth overall. We invested that either to be able to sell the car after x number of years for a certain amount (with a piece of mind lengthy warranty) so we have a deposit to put down on another car

The way it works for us is that if we did sell at the end of the finance period we would have in effect built up equity in the car and have more to put down on any future car if we wanted to. We are probably unlikely to do this and will probably prefer to keep it as we'll still be in warranty and know the full service history of the car but its an option.

Its not necessarily just about the sale value at the end, its also looking at all the money you'd have spent if you'd used public transport or continued to run an old car over the same period of time.

DontmindifIdo Thu 03-Jan-13 15:32:28

so as a family you have 2 cars, one crap and one good. He gets to drive the good one and you get the crap one that needs replacing, but because it's your car, it's ok - put simply, agree you'll not replace the big car as long as he'll swap day to day and you drive his newer car and he gets the old crap one. If he doesn't think it's good enough for him to drive, why is it good enough for your DCs to be driven about in?

It's either good enough or it's not. You can either afford to replace it or you can't. If you really can't, then another solution (like him drive it) has to be looked at.

allnewtaketwo Thu 03-Jan-13 15:39:49

I think your DH is right not to go into debt to buy a new car. There is no valid reason why a 10yo VW needs to be replaced to the extent that you would be using savings (which already are needed towards the house) or go into debt to buy. You are a family living on one salary which means going into debt for discretionary purchases is probably not wise.

As for this "just tell him your having another car" - hmm. Isn't that the sort of thing a spoiled child says?

AndABigBirdInaPearTree Thu 03-Jan-13 16:26:12

Just to clarify I wasn't trying to suggest that you are being abused. Just that I find the idea that all the household money is his because you stay at home to look after the DCs a bit awful. Whatever your access to accounts etc, from what you have said yourself the basic premise that you work on is that is all the money is his. He can buy a new car if likes, discussing it only as a courtesy. You, on the other hand, have to go to him and make a case for him to buy one for you, like a child.

Totally and utterly agree.

I also agree that if you really can't afford it and your car is safe then it is fine that you BOTH agree to wait on replacing your car.

It isn't his money.

KellyElly Thu 03-Jan-13 16:47:52

He has more investments than me because he earns a shit load of money and I don't. In fact the ISA was his money in my name, because he couldn't have any more in that tax year. He doesn't hide it from me and will usually leave his opened post full of statements and forecasts laying round the house for anyone to see. He doesn't have it squirrelled away from me. You are contributing to the family by staying at home and bringing up your children. As a nanny you would earn say £10 per hour minimum, work out the hours a day you save childcare costs for you both and I would imagine you have your car grin

flowerytaleofNewYork Thu 03-Jan-13 16:55:07

"As a nanny you would earn say £10 per hour minimum, work out the hours a day you save childcare costs for you both and I would imagine you have your car "

Good idea. I'm not a SAHM but DH earns quite a bit more than me.

However, he works 1.5 commute away, long hours, has to stay late with no notice, travels etc etc

Childcare to cover that would cost a fortune, so he benefits greatly by me working flexibly from home.

LiegeAndLief Thu 03-Jan-13 16:57:19

I can tell you what we did in similar circumstances in this house.

Both cars were going to fail their next MOT. We looked at our joint savings account and decided we were prepared to spend 5 grand of it. We jointly decided we didn't want to do finance. We jointly decided we needed a bigger car (previously had fiesta and micra) for ferrying kids. We looked at available second hand models and ended up with a focus for 3.5 grand. Then we bought he smallest cheapest thing w could find that would get someone to and from work with the rest of the money.

I have the kids most of the time, so mostly I have he focus. On days dh has the kids, he has it. I cannot imagine doing this in any othe way.

I do work part time, but earn much less. Dh also had substantial equity in his house when we met, I had a student loan. All money is OURS.

Startail Thu 03-Jan-13 17:24:07

If you are a SAHM I guess you ferry DCs about, clearly you need a decent, safe, reliable and large enough car.

He can get by with anything that gets him to work.

My dear old car died and WE decided I could have an unnecessarily gadgety replacement because I'd enjoy it.

I do, I don't need sat nav and cruise and built in phone etc, but it is fun.

DHs is smaller and a less exotic model, but he commutes a long way and my bigger one would be silly on fuel.

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