to really want a baby?(45 Posts)
i have become a bit obsessed with wanting a baby.
im 23 my dp is 24 and we have been together 8 years. he has a good well paid job and i am in my final year at university.
we have not discussed having one right now but he often says if it did happen hed be over the moon. i am on no form of contraception but we use the male form.
my degree will not lead me into a well paid job as its quite general, so it wont affect my career as such.
so aibu to be wanting a baby now. i always wanted a family young
thank you in advance for your perspective
I'm 24 and had my baby 3 months ago, she is amazing! I don't think there is ever a perfect age or time to have a baby. I'm glad I have had my baby young but I have lots of reasons for that, I did think at one point in my life that I'd never be able to have children so I am so glad I have my girl.
I will say though, the things I thought would be hard aren't all that bad, I don't feel shattered etc. what I find most difficult is how much I worry about her, I am so scared of anything bad happening to her. the things that I find hard, I didn't even anticipate when I was pregnant.
good luck OP, do what is right for you xx
Try and make sure you go and do some things you would love to do first though. I went to loads of festivals, went on lots of nights out alone with DP and stuff in the year before I fell pregnant and I am so glad I did.
When I fell pg with DS, DP and I both had reasonable paid full time jobs, living together away from home etc. I was 20 when I had him.
Pregnancy caused my managable health problems to become awful and I had to leave my job, DP was then "let go".
What I am trying to say it - there is no sure way of doing anything, if it's what you both want then go for it if you both feel you are ready.
People make all kinds of assumptions about young parents.
They can't have been together long.
Baby was an 'accident'
They've been forced to stay together because of it.
They must be poor.
They havnt lived.
What about travel?
Not much education
The list goes on. Fortunately none of that list is true for me or dh. We're by no means rich but we live on what we have and within our means just like most people.
Dh and I are 22, have a dd who is 16 months and another on the way.
If the time is right for you then it's the right decision.
Wish you every luck in the future and hope to hear that you have a baby when you want one not when strangers on the Internet think you should have one
Im with you OP. Im 23 next week and have decided I wanted children before I started my career.
I have been trying now for near 3 years to conceive. It is due to that I say go for it!!! You never know what will happen and imo you seem in the perfect position to have a child. Speak you your partner and if he okays it. Get cracking
If you and your partner are ready for a child then go for it. I don't think you are too young (I'm 24).
I would say that circumstances change. This time last year my DP were talking about ttc in 2013. I lost my job towards the end of last year,so we can't.
With regard to renting,the reality for many people our age is that we won't ever own our own homes. Waiting until you do could end up turning into waiting until it's too late.
I frequently babysit my niece and have done from birth till 5 years old, so I have experience with her.
Also I have worked in my current job for 5 years like i said previously so Mat pay won't be an issue.
Also I graduate in May so being pregnant would not affect my degree.
We are also going on two foreign holidays between now and april. I also have a sum of money coming to me in february which would enable me to go on another trip if I want and also have plenty left for the cost associated with preparing for a baby coming.
I have travelled every year, just because im 23 doesnt mean I havent lived my life. People start younger and younger these days doing things such as traveling
But i appreciate the comments
finish your degree, get married quickly and cheaply, and have a baby. continue improving your employability - volunteering if you can or studying cheaper courses like office skills looks good on a cv, just be sure you are doing something all the time. you can work when the baby/babies go to school.
If you wait till everything seems perfect then it may be too late.
Fate can bite your arse.
Babies in your twenties are easier than babies in thirties. Just my experience though.
There are a lot of people who want, plan and love a baby when they are in their 20s though, pp, just because you would have rather waited doesn't mean it's the right way.
I find it strange when I hear someone as young as you is broody for a baby. I had my Dd aged 24, and she was a completely unplanned honeymoon baby. Although we love dd and she is just brilliant in every way, I still have some regret that I wish I had had her later in life after getting more experience in my field. I went back to work when she was 5 months and missed out on a whole chunk of her life, and then left my job when she was 3.
Do you have friends who have had babies? Do you think you're only in love with the idea of having a baby? How about baby sitting for friends to see what a baby everyday is like. You are still young and can enjoy life without being tied down. I'd think about it long and hard. A baby is a lot of hard work as are toddlers and children and teens.
We got married last year and will be 27 this year.
Have had our house for 7 years now but due to that we couldn't afford to do the fun things young people do such as travel.
DH now earns a good wage and between us we bring in about £70k, however, we won't be TTC until we have done the fun stuf and enjoys marrie life for a bit.
Plus I don't want to be te only one from our group of friends who has a baby, and we are the only ones that have moved out of parents house and got married
Having a family young was the best thing I ever did for me it meant I could stay at home with my dc having no career to give up, get a degree and good career later be young enough to run round endlessly and when my kids leave ill be young enough to enjoy being child free also my children are the fourth living generation and we may get a fifth. its not popular these days but I have never regretted a second.
From a prosaic pov please be married before.
Cohabiting, sahm, no income leaves the mum in a v vulnerable position if it all goes tits up further down the line
Boring but true
I know exactly how you feel! Totally not in a position to - both 23, no house yet, I'm paid peanuts and not working here long enough for mat leave, he's paid better but not enough (it might support a family in Hull or something but not in London), we're getting married later on this year, but that doesn't stop me being so desperate for a child it hurts most of the time, and DP is almost as bad.
Big girl pants time though! We need to get out 'ducks in a line' as I know it will work out so much better in the long run, for us and our children.
You can get Tamagotchi aps now, get one of those instead
Yes - apologies I know that probably came across a bit patronising. It's just a very common thing that can happen and can then be difficult if you grow apart later. Sounds like you are well matched, though.
I met my Dh when we were 14, for some it just happens early. We are stable, loving, have been through tough times together etc...
You don't need to justify your relationship, neither should I have to!
Maybe I should get a puppy lol :D
I met the person for me early too. Theres no hard and fast rule that says you have to wait til a ripe old age before you settle down.
Also i am not settling, I just happened to meet the person for me very early. We want the exact same things in life. He doesnt drink much, doesnt gamble, hes very caring and couldn't do enough for me. When we talk about children we also seem to have the exact same mindset in terms of what way we would like them brought up. We also both want to get married abroad with just close family along. Sometimes we clash because we can be stubborn at times but thats normal. I feel like a career is not top priority, and things have happened in my life that have completlty changed my mind about things, and also as i said i feel theres something missing
We are together because we want to be. If we have a disagreement we just talk it through, we have matured now and can compromise. We have been through a lot together (Family members dying), family disagreements,and apart from the odd wobbly time we have remained strong. We are always together (most ppl fight more when always together) but we seem to be the opposite. We have planned are life ie want to be married by 2016, ideally we would love to own a home properly. But at the same time theres something missing from my life, and i feel like i could be an amazing mother and someone else for me and my partner to share our love with. I know it wouldn't be easy but we are both sensible and realistic of the problems that can arise, but we trust each other and we are set for life. But I am going to wait like i said before, thanks for all your opinions, what will be will be
Yanbu. That is all
People don't have to get married, own a home, be earning a certain amount before wanting a baby. Certainly things to consider before actually having the baby but then again plenty of children are born into unmarried, rented homes. There's nothing wrong with that. There's also nothing wrong with wanting a baby before a career. Different people have different ambitions.
Talk to him. You're not so young that it's a totally crazy idea and it seems like you're happy together. However, you both need to be ready and sure this is what you want, because it really does change your life in a totally irreversible way!
Also, when you talk about things together you can get an idea about whether you're both on the same page. 23 is young to have been together 8 years, you must have got together as teenagers? Be careful that you aren't with him just out of familiarity, does he still make your heart sing etc? You can also learn a lot about what kind of parent someone is likely to be from how they deal with conflict within the relationship too - what happens when you disagree over things, can you come to a compromise? Just be aware that when you have children the issues you'll have to compromise on or discuss are about 1000x more important to you!
If you're thinking of getting married too it's good to have a rough idea of a plan. DP and I have just got engaged and we have a rough plan of the next few years, when we'll get married, when we will start TTC, etc. I already have a DS who is 4 so I suppose I have to plan things out a little more, but I feel a lot better having a plan, I'm excited for our life together and the future.
I had my DD at 24, there is no perfect time to have babies, its down to the couple.
Good grief love if you want a baby and your partner wants a baby then go for it.
There is never a right magic time, never enough money or stability or any of that crap people spout. It's lovely to have kids young.. We had our first 2 in our twenties. It was tough but fantastic.
Second 2 in thirties and do now in our 40s our older ones have left abc we are still young.
I have friends on baby 1 at 41!!! That's way to late for me..
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