Self-pitying monologue alert
DS is 10 months and sometimes I get these days (like today) where I feel really disappointed in myself about how those 10 months have been and insanely jealous that lots of friends are having better experiences:
-Had a birth that while, not out of the ordinary (induction, epidural, forceps, large tear), still makes me feel sad. A lot of my friends have given birth over xmas and all had easy births that they say they enjoyed.
-Didn't manage to bfeed for long. Don't really know the real reason why but the most natural thing in the world (apparently) just didn't work (and that's a whole other thread). Still confused. And sad when I see my friends breastfeeding, every last one of them without a hitch!
-DS sleeps so poorly. Hates napping. Wakes every few hours. Read all the books. Tried everything, every method. Everyone else I know seems to have one of those babies who slept through at 12 weeks. What am I doing wrong?
-DS just seems like such an unhappy, easily upset baby. All he does is cry, cling to me, cry. Struggling terribly with separation anxiety. Won't go to anyone else. Had to cancel the babysitter three times in last few weeks and desperate for just one dinner out with DH. I feel like we have no time to speak these days. Again, no one else I know with babies around the same age seems to have this problem..
-To top it all off, I'm as fat as I was the day I left the hospital with DS. I just can't seem to shift the weight. Sometimes good cheese and bread is all I have left to look forward to at the end of another gruelling day!! My best friend gave birth to her second three months ago and has shifted every fricking ounce without even trying. Gah.
Jealousy is such an unattractive quality, but I'm literally consumed by it right now. I just feel like such a failure and wonder if I've brought this on myself by just being a bit crap. You know if I had a brilliant birth but failed to breastfeed, that would be ok, or vice versa. But I seem to have failed at every hurdle, while barely anyone else I know experienced a single hitch, so I can't help but wonder how much of it I brought on myself??
Cry
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To feel jealous. Often. Come kick me up the arse
73 replies
OccasionalCoasterUser · 01/01/2013 20:45
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StickEmUp ·
01/01/2013 21:01
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Maryz ·
01/01/2013 21:05
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