AIBU to ask just how much of a change going from 2 to 3 children is?

(96 Posts)
octaviarose Tue 01-Jan-13 20:20:12

Just that really how much of change was it for you and do you find life with a family of five harder than a family of four? How do you find time for everyone?

CaseyShraeger Tue 01-Jan-13 21:24:30

It's a lot more work, and I do feel that DC2 in particular is missing out on attention. I wouldn't change DC3 for he world but I do often think that I'd be doing a better job of the whole parenting lark if we'd stuck at two. I tell myself that it may get easier when they're a bit older, though (nearly 8 / nearly 5 / nearly 2 here).

beingginger Tue 01-Jan-13 21:28:16

I was a smug mum of 3nwhen i had newborn ds2, I has 3 under 4 and ds2 was a very easy baby, fitted right in, he's now 2 and a horror! He thinks he can do things the bigger 2 can, he hates leaving the others in the morning at school and preschool and he's into EVERYTHING, nothing is sacred and I have to hide stuff all the time!
Good job he's cute or I'd have sent him back ;)

DamnBamboo Tue 01-Jan-13 21:34:06

It is not much harder with three.

The 3rd just has to fit in with everybody else.

Much harder going from 1 to 2

DamnBamboo Tue 01-Jan-13 21:34:44

And I had a 4 year old, a 2 year old and newborn... it was fine.

Congratulations BTW

SminkoPinko Tue 01-Jan-13 21:44:43

Glad there's someone else with a tornado, cutegorilla!smile

cutegorilla Tue 01-Jan-13 22:30:42

grin SminkoPinko - He's a lot of fun, I wouldn't change him for the world but he's been a shock to the system after the other 2!

SminkoPinko Tue 01-Jan-13 23:27:20

grin I can relate, believe me!

Myliferocks Tue 01-Jan-13 23:33:59

I found 2 - 3 the hardest of all.
When we only had 2 DC we had one each but when we went to 3 we were outnumbered. 3 - 4 and 4-5 were easier because we had already adjusted to there being more of them than us iyswim. Gaps between are,
1-2 4 and a half years
2-3 19 months
3-4. 15 months
4-5. 13 months

DorisIsWaiting Tue 01-Jan-13 23:41:28

I had 23 months between each of mine and found 1-2 the hardest.

I won't say 2-3 was a doddle (I still lived in a sleep deprived haze) but now with 3 close to gether it is lovely they play together (mostly) nicely.

Dinglebert Tue 01-Jan-13 23:41:29

I love having three smile. It changes the whole dynamic of the family - it is much, much more lively now. I think it is because there is more competition for adult attention, but also that they have each other to mess around with and have fun with. It feels more than 2+1, if that makes sense.

The first couple of years were very hard work. I didn't have anyone to help at all, and in hindsight, I wish we had paid for a bit of help.

3smellysocks Tue 01-Jan-13 23:54:33

Yes it is harder but they all get on better then they did with just 2 kids. Number three has bought us many laughs and is a constant source of amusement to all.

3smellysocks Tue 01-Jan-13 23:55:24

My third was also the most placid child and very happy.

Lovesabadboy Wed 02-Jan-13 00:00:22

We only have two and they are 16 and 12 now, but I will never forget what friends of ours jokingly said after they had DC3...

"When we had one child, we wanted two children.
When we had two children, we wanted three children.
When we had three children, we wanted TWO children" !!!

grin

NonnoMum Wed 02-Jan-13 00:07:36

Brilliant - Lovesa ...

NightLark Wed 02-Jan-13 00:14:55

Easiest number of children to cope with is always n-1 (where n is the number of children you actually have).

Winterwalk Wed 02-Jan-13 00:55:30

damnbamboo, maybe your experience is due to the ages of your children rather than in spite of it. My older two were 8&6 when we had DC3 and it really was harder for us. The fact that we went from having 2 very independent kids who were at school (and me back at work f/t) and were now just starting active/adventure type holidays meant that going back to all the newborn stuff and that pre3 high dependence time was very hard, not just on DH and I but on the two older ones. Suddenly, we couldn't just go out to eat on a weeknight at a moments notice or wake up on a weekend and decide to go to the cinema and stuff ourselves with popcorn. It was a big adjustment for us all. He's now 17mths and whilst we love him to bits and I wouldn't be without him now he's here, I can't hand on heart say I'd make the same decision again if I knew what I know now.

Whitamakafullo Wed 02-Jan-13 01:11:25

I would love a 3rd - DH has finally come round to the idea but when we do start trying(probably next year) there will be quite a big gap as my two are 6 and 7 at the moment!

I found going from 1-2 hard, but there was only 11 months between them!

mercibucket Wed 02-Jan-13 08:20:10

spot on, nightlark

SminkoPinko Wed 02-Jan-13 08:24:59

I think the age gap point is a good one, Winterwalk. It must be really hard having 3 under 5- all very dependent, competing for your limited time and attention, jealousy issues etc- but the upside is that you've got everyone at a broadly similar stage with roughly similar needs/interests if you have only 4 years between eldest and youngest. That's a completely different vibe from 3rd as much younger afterthought.

SminkoPinko Wed 02-Jan-13 08:36:01

Whitamakafullo- good luck! Despite having my rose tinted specs forcibly removed by the arrival of no 3 forcing us to tackle puberty and the terrible twos simultaneously, I would absolutely definitely do it all over again.smile

Jahan Wed 02-Jan-13 08:49:53

We ve just had dc3 10 weeks ago. The other DVD are 7 and 5.
On the one hand it's not a huge adjustment as the older ones are more independent and grt on great together.
They absolutely adore the baby and are very helpful. They help with small chores and can sort themselves out with minimum supervision when it comes to having showers, getting dressed etc
On the other hand, I find I have hardly any time for the older children as the baby is so demanding. I feel guilty as I've not been able to read them any stories. Yesterday my 7 year old asked me 3 times if I would play a game of frustration with them and I didn't get round to it Because the baby was having a clingy day. We re definitely playing today.
It's the little things too like if they ask me to draw something for them or make a paper plane, I have to say 'not now' due to the baby's needs quite often.
I'm just hoping that things will get easier as the baby gets older.
We do go out a lot and have had lovely chats and fun whilst walking in the woods with the baby asleep in the sling. I take advantage of any rare daytime naps the baby has to do something with the older boys.
It's all very demanding and tiring. Because of this, relationship with dh is non existent at the moment!
Having said that, there's a lot of love, fun and laughter in this house too and we re all definitely happy that dc3 is a part of the family.

Mockingcurl Wed 02-Jan-13 08:50:36

I had two boys, 3 yrs and 20 months when I had number three. It was a complete shock to the system. It's hard to explain why it should be so much harder, but trust me it was.

Dealing with a school child, toddler and new baby was really hard. It does get easier.
The one issue that is always a pain in the neck though,is food. All recipes seem to be for four. All food is packaged in twos. You have to buy three packs of whatever and have one spare. A real pain in the neck. It's even worse when they're teenagers as they come home and say they don't want tea. So then you've wasted a whole pack of two kievs/chops or whatever. IYSWIM.

Having said that, I adore my three boys and wouldn't have it any other way.

Good luck.

NoobytheWaspSlayer Wed 02-Jan-13 08:54:11

Going from 2-3 was a massive change for us. Going from having two lively boys (4 and 2), to having two lively boys and a refluxy colicy baby was hell tbh. Between the three of them I never had a moments peace or time to myself - and I mean that 24 hours a day. She was inconsolable in pain at night, and then the 4 and 2 year old would launch at me after they'd had a nice full nights sleep. At points I used to wish I would get ill, so I could go to hospital for a rest!

Now she is one, and they are 5 and 3 and things are much improved. They ADORE their sister, the eldest is at school and the middle one in nursery and while I still have very little time to be alone, I'm enjoying being a parent again, instead of slogging through the tiredness. One of the most wonderful things I've found about 3 is the nice dynamic that there is always someone to play with. They are close enough in age that they enjoy the same things, and I think we'll really benefit from the small age gap when they are older. (I hope!)

Theas18 Wed 02-Jan-13 08:59:23

Practical stuff like cars/eating out /family tickets etc is a pain and always will be an issue. Holidays are tricky unless you DIY too.

Holiday wise we can now go anywhere/do anything with our 3 teens but we can't because thats 5 adult air fares (weeps!)...... etc

From a small children POV would recommend a slightly larger age gap- 3.5yrs between the younger 2. Just made everything a bit easier with the 3rd tiny one. THe big ones were at school/nursery. Toileted them selves etc . It didn't matter that there were 2 parents and 3 kids so in theory " not enough" hands to hold crossing the road or load the car , because the nearly 7yr old could be voice controlled even when the youngest was newborn. We also didn't have a 2nd time using a double buggy.

Shakirasma Wed 02-Jan-13 09:03:17

On a day to day basis I have found going from 2 to 3 a doodle, but there is a large age gap between all 3, so the older 2 were quite independent when DC3 was born. They helped me out with the baby then, and they help now as DC3 has ASD and they are fantastic with him. Ages now are 14, 9 and 5.

The main downside is illness. The more kids you have, the more time you spend nursing a poorly one.
The other problem we have, mainly due to the age gap, is finding activities suitable for all.

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