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To Think that my boyfriend days are over?

(11 Posts)
mumineedawee Tue 01-Jan-13 02:55:57

I am separated from a selfish man who doesn't want to know me or his children. We have been away from him for over two years now.

Most days are ok. ish. But some days are so damn lonely and miserable. I daren't go to a diy shop for the numbers of happy couples. And so on, at the weekends its seems to be wall to wall happy families, its just depressing.

I do a good job for the children's sake, we have food, comfort and alot of fun. In the way that people have OCD about cleanliness, I am almost OCD about having a happy home. I work full time, and am on the go forever. I love my children, and want them to have the best they can have (after years of being emotionally terrorised), so my life is more or less devoted to meeting their needs. I must point out that I have alot of ground to make up. We led a horrible life, it will be years before we unwind. Most of this has been without support. Friends and relatives all said 'leave the bastard', but he is scarey and alienated me so leaving was done completely alone. Social Services were helpful, but bowed out of the picture once they knew we were all safely away from him.

Just recently it hit me that I am possibly going to be alone forever.

I love to talk (!!) and when I said that ^ to friends, they told me that I was ridiculous, silly, unreasonably, etc. They kindly pointed out how I look years younger than my real age (true, its genetic!! my granny looks almost like she could be my sister!!), am slim and dress ok.

But still, I feel like my opportunity to have a relationship with someone special has come and gone. I don't mean to be depressing, but really feel that I'll never again be madly in love or have the mind space to be able to open to meeting someone.

Am I unreasonable to think this?

Bogeyface Tue 01-Jan-13 03:00:38

Yes.

Your time will come.

Happy new year smile

MrsFlibble Tue 01-Jan-13 03:01:35

I been single for 3 and half years and yes its lonely, but if your not ready to open up again, then dont force it, otherwise you'll just pick losers.

You wont be alone forever, you sound very together and a nice person, you just build yourself back up to where you attract a decent person. The more its forced the less special it is.

mumineedawee Tue 01-Jan-13 03:08:17

Thanks bogey and flibble

Its hard to be positive. Mostly I am just lonely.

I don't want another pair of socks and jocks to wash, just wondering really!

TheDemonShedMaster Tue 01-Jan-13 03:15:01

It is so sad that you feel this way, but don't give up hope completely! My circumstances were slightly different to yours, in that I lost a partner to a terminal illness. However, I honestly believed that after that and the emotional highs and lows, I would never meet anyone else. I think, in part, this can be a sort of self-preservation mechanism. If you don't get involved in another serious relationship, then you don't open yourself up to any of the "risks" that that entails. But I think that previous experience can make the right relationship all the more appreciated. It meant that when I eventually met my DP, I valued him all the more. So I guess what I guess what I'm trying to say is, if it would make you happy then don't preclude it from happening.

AgentZigzagHasABigYuleLog Tue 01-Jan-13 03:19:05

You don't say how old you are, not that it matters like, you're never too old to find companionship and security with someone you love.

You're lonely at the minute, and having been through a traumatic experience you've forgotten how to draw on your experience that things will get better for you.

Don't underestimate the effect this will have had on you, but don't think you'll never be over it either.

There are more nice people out there than there are abusive animals.

Giving your DC the best life they can have is knowing that the man you were with was wrong, and you took control and decided on a better life for them.

Other people would find that drive and power very attractive in a person.

You're not on the scrap heap just yet grin

LuluMai Tue 01-Jan-13 03:22:41

You can't base your happiness and hope for the future on whether or not you will find a man. That can only come from you. Work on being happy yourself first, don't worry about relationships.

mumineedawee Tue 01-Jan-13 03:27:06

I may not be on the scrap heap, but when I look in the mirror (after everyone is in bed, doors and windows locked, uniforms, lunches, book bags all ready) is a tired, frumpy+++ mid forties woman. All saggy boobs and tummy.

I would give a metaphorical slap to any friend of mine saying this!!!

I just feel that that part of my life has been sucked out, forever.

AgentZigzagHasABigYuleLog Tue 01-Jan-13 03:34:05

Most men don't even notice shit like that.

You might compare your body/spirit to what it was when you were a spring chicken, but they'd take you as you are, and be happy to.

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 01-Jan-13 03:49:46

You will not be alone forever.

He is a wanker and you could do without. You would do much better without him

BookieMonster Tue 01-Jan-13 03:52:24

You're in recovery from a terrible relationship. You've said yourself, it's taking virtually all your time to heal and repair the damage done to yourself and your children.
Never say never. When things have settled down, when you have the time and energy to focus on things other than your immediate family unit, who knows what the future holds.
BTW, as someone who used to advise people on style and image, can I point out that we women are our own harshest critics. What you focus on when you look in the mirror will be nothing like the strong, brave, beautiful whole woman everyone else sees when they look at you.
Wishing you a wonderful, safe and happy 2013

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