To think that my friend is being a bit rude?

(134 Posts)
awaiting2013 Mon 31-Dec-12 10:24:02

A few weeks ago I invited my friend over for NYE. We both have young children and not much cash so I asked her if she wanted to come over, bring the kids (let them sleep if she wishes) and spend NYE or part of it with us. Bring a bottle, let's have a drink and I'll knock up some food. She told me that since she had no plans, sounded like a good one. A few days ago I sent her an email asking if she was still coming over etc. and she said yes.

Imagine my surprise yesterday when I saw on her FB page that she was asking around as to who was available on NYE and if anyone wanted to go out for a meal and drinks on the town with her and her DH?

So I'm sitting here on NYE, just me and DH and the kids. Not too bothered as TBH not fussed about NYE. We need to save hard. However I am feeling a bit angry because my no. 1 NY resolution is not to be so fucking nice (sorry!) to people who are crap to me and my family and to not let people get away with crap behaviour.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off that my friend has not even bothered to say she is not coming over because she has hedged her bets and got a better offer?

OP, no offence, you don't sound like much of a softie. I don't think you sound mean or anything either, don't get me wrong, but all this talk about "I'm too nice", well, it's what any reasonable and bemused person would do in your situation- wonder how to handle it. By "assertiveness" people usually mean..... brashness or something. Why didn't you just call and cancel?

Or if you really wanted to be childish you could post on her facebook and write "oh thank goodness for this, I felt really bad as I was just going to cancel!" wink

manicbmc Tue 01-Jan-13 14:28:18

Hope OP had a nice evening.

ArseyDarcey Tue 01-Jan-13 13:50:20

Was hoping the OP would have updated by now! I hate not knowing how things turned out also not a nosey cow

<fidgets impatiently>

what happened? did you ring her? did she turn up? refuses to admit im a nosey cow too grin

Southeastdweller Tue 01-Jan-13 11:56:57

I'm surprised so many of you said she should post a passive-aggressive remark on the friends Facebook wall. That's the kind of thing that causes some of the FB grief, isn't it?

I also want to know what happened but then I am a nosey fuck

stifnstav Tue 01-Jan-13 11:37:07

She's still working her way through her friend's photos of last night? Or hungover? Or both?

DonderandBlitzen Tue 01-Jan-13 11:08:05

What happened in the end OP?

pictish Tue 01-Jan-13 10:52:37

Well me too...but I don't think we're going to get closure on this one.

Findingmyself Tue 01-Jan-13 10:51:51

Oh no don't say that, Pictish! I've been looking forward to hearing the outcome as I am a nosey cow grin

pictish Tue 01-Jan-13 10:49:10

This is going to be one of those annoying ones where the OP never comes back isn't it?

Findingmyself Tue 01-Jan-13 10:48:16

Any news, OP? Did you contact her?

nickelbabylyinginamanger Tue 01-Jan-13 00:26:57

marking my place....

manicbmc Tue 01-Jan-13 00:15:28

Well, I hope the OP is suitably squiffy and her 'friend' is in town having a crap time

DrinkFeckArseGirls Tue 01-Jan-13 00:07:59

Come on OP! We won't berate you that much if you did nothing. wink

Imaginethat Mon 31-Dec-12 23:58:50

OP if you want to be treated with respect you need to grow up a bit. If you area genuinely unsure as to whether she is owing, just call to ask her. Waiting to see if you can trip her up via FB is ridiculous. If you are as wet as you sound, she probably assumes you don't mind one way or the other.

SarahStratton Mon 31-Dec-12 23:51:49

I am imagining a small puddle of melted ice cream, quietly snivelling to itself in the corner.

MonaLotte Mon 31-Dec-12 23:40:25

Come on OP what happened?!

yousmell Mon 31-Dec-12 22:43:06

Depends. If she was a good friend and I thought it was just a bit of honest confusion on her part, I'd text her tonight. But if we were drawing towards the end of a friendship, I'd probably text her in the morning and ask why she stood you up?

FobblyWoof Mon 31-Dec-12 20:46:52

See, I wouldn't call or message her now either. Only because if I was the OP I'd be feeling pretty annoyed with the friend and if I were to ring I'd be worried she would change her plans and "fit me in". Then I'd have to put her right. So personally, I'd be far more polite dealing with the next day.

In all likelihood she's probably forgotten she made plans with you OP. that or she's really dense for putting it on FB! Or, maybe she's inviting everyone round to yours!

MudCity Mon 31-Dec-12 20:24:19

I wouldn't send a message, call her, text her or anything. I certainly wouldn't put a message on her FB page as it will only make you look bitter. I would just draw a line under it and not invest in her too much in the future.

She obviously thought her arrangement with you was a casual one. Yes, it is thoughtless not to let you know that she won't be coming round but don't retaliate. It is never worth it. You are better than that.

I have a couple of 'friends' whom I know rarely fulfil arrangements. Every time we make an arrangement I now treat it very 'tongue in cheek' and expect them to cancel. She sounds like she could be one of those types...you sort of learn not to invest in them and instead invest in people who don't let you down.

Have a nice evening. May 2013 be your year!

trapclap Mon 31-Dec-12 20:07:29

I agree with shotgun, this has nothing to do with being assertive/ a doormat. It's about just communicating properly and not being an idiot

She can't be much of a friend if you are too intimidated to even ring her!

Just ask her "I thought you were coming to mine? Have you changed your plans?"

Wishfulmakeupping Mon 31-Dec-12 20:00:24

Lol shotgun how true

trapclap Mon 31-Dec-12 20:00:19

The poor bloody woman probably just forgot she'd made plans confused

DrinkFeckArseGirls Mon 31-Dec-12 19:57:14

Oh, FFS OP! Grow a vagina.

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