How to get shut of facebook pest?

(34 Posts)
HANIEL Mon 31-Dec-12 08:58:38

A guy from work keeps messaging me on facebook and being really suggestive. I already deleted him once but then he messaged me saying he was sorry that I deleted him etc and asked what he did to upset me. I was like FOR GOD SAKE, DOES HE NOT GET THE HINT. How do I stop him from hounding me. If I deleted him on fb then surely he shouldn't be able to message me. He just doesn't give up. I am married with two kids. Why is it that if your friendly with some men a few times, they then think they have the right to think you are romantically interested in them.

lovelyladuree Mon 31-Dec-12 22:20:10

How friendly were you? You saucepot.

Santasapunkatheart Mon 31-Dec-12 19:21:43

Facebook is no more evil than the telephone, or letter writing. The former was viewed with suspicion when it was first invented too. I have never had problems with Facebook but even if I did, it is easy enough to solve. Like life, you chose your friends and your interaction. I also find it odd that people take about getting 'real' friends. All my friends on Facebook are writers or people I know personally. Some live in far-flung countries. It is a brilliant way of keeping in touch with people. It takes less time and costs less than conventional means.

I think that reporting for sexual harassment is important. It is not acceptable behaviour. But problems like that can occur in all ways of communication.

So Facebook is not the devil. As a writer I give workshops on the correct use of social media - Twitter as well.

Don't forget that when railways began, people thought they were the work of the devil.

We all have to move with times. No one forces anyone to use social media but used correctly, it is valuable resource. I have found friends (old ones) and also got work.

Hope it sorts itself out, OP. He sounds like a creep.

FelicityWasSanta Mon 31-Dec-12 17:54:01

But the problem is sexual harassment- that existed well before FB.

It emphatically is like saying if you don't want to get electronically scammed then delete your email account.

Which while it does have an element of truth in, it entirely ignores the wider benefit of email....

manicbmc Mon 31-Dec-12 17:51:44

But you can avoid this kind of thing on facebook by deleting/blocking and having your security settings high.

I'm quite sure it's possible to get an offensive PM on MN.

If you get any kind of harassment in life, whether it's online or in rl, dealing with it is best.

Sallyingforth Mon 31-Dec-12 17:48:35

The point I am making is that this isn't an isolated incident - it's just one in a very long line of problems related to FB, and the only way to avoid them all is to avoid FB itself.
Lumping FB together with responsible sites like MN is just plain wrong since offensive material on such moderated sites is immediately removed.
And comparison of FB with a revolutionary medium like the telephone is just ridiculous. Email provided full communication with friends and business before FB was invented, and continues to do so.
I have specifically NOT told anyone not to use it, only that this is the only way to avoid all its problems. It's an individual choice that anyone can make.

LilyVonSchtupp Mon 31-Dec-12 17:18:56

OP being sexually harassed by colleague (for that's what it is) is NOT a "FB problem" Sallying hmm

Report to HR and take screenshots OP.

fortyplus Mon 31-Dec-12 17:10:05

I'm over 50 and happy to recognise that social media is a useful tool. Most companies, councils etc have facebook and twitter to communicate.

Anyone who advises others not to use it is just a dinosaur. Your great granny probably wasn't too impressed with the new-fangled telephone when it first arrived. People managed perfectly with letters and personal visits before that.

FiftyShedsOfGrey Mon 31-Dec-12 16:24:55

I don't agree Sally, and for me it is akin to going onto a thread where someone is asking for advice on say...the best way to cook noodles and posting "noodles are the work of the devil, all your problems could be solved by not cooking noodles"

Pointless and a bit aggressive IMNSHO

KellyEllyChristmasBelly Mon 31-Dec-12 16:22:40

Yet another FB problem. FB It isn't compulsory and many of us manage perfectly well to keep in touch with friends using email. Utterly stupid comment and somehow passing blame onto the OP for shock horror having a fb account. Yes just by using FB she must be bringing this on herself hmm

HecatePropolos Mon 31-Dec-12 16:08:12

complain at work.

This could be treated as sexual harrassment.

penguinplease Mon 31-Dec-12 16:07:02

Similar happened to me, I did the same as you and deleted him but he talked me round and did it again. So I copied and pasted the filthy message he sent me and posted it on his wall and tagged my DH and his wife with a comment asking why he felt it was ok to send me that and how did he feel about sharing it publicly.
He deleted me and never spoke to me again. Sadly neither did his wife but I actually don't care, they were way more trouble than they were worth!

FelicityWasSanta Mon 31-Dec-12 15:47:51

Yes it was. Every one of the many complaints about FB can be resolved instantly by not using it. Everyone managed perfectly well before it was invented, and could do so again without it.

The same could be said about mumsnet or the Internet in general. The solution isn't to avoid things but to engage in the right way. The OPs problem can be resolved in less than 10 seconds then she can get on with enjoying FB.

Sallyingforth Mon 31-Dec-12 15:43:15

That wasn't exactly helpful
Yes it was. Every one of the many complaints about FB can be resolved instantly by not using it. Everyone managed perfectly well before it was invented, and could do so again without it.

loopylou6 Mon 31-Dec-12 15:35:34

Just tell him to stop messaging you. It is really that easy. If he doesn't, take a screen shot and show it to your boss.

WorraLorraTurkey Mon 31-Dec-12 13:29:50

It's a no brainer really.

FolkElf Mon 31-Dec-12 13:24:29

I would block him and tell my husband and work if I were you.

Eeebygum Mon 31-Dec-12 11:20:14

You can stop him from messaging you if you delete him. He also can't message you if you block him. Just go into your account and privacy settings and change them.

I would have to tell the creep though before I did it, and why.

Anniegetyourgun Mon 31-Dec-12 11:07:40

Facebook is the work of the devil and I will never use it, but even I know you can block people and that there are levels of privacy setting.

Agree about reporting. If you are a kindly soul warn him, just once, that if he messages you again this is what you will be doing. And then, if he does, do it. Hinting won't do, you have to actually tell some people very clearly that they are NOT TO CONTACT YOU AGAIN, not because they're stupid but because it does not suit them to listen. Also it will help if it comes to needing backup from the police and/or your employer to be able to show you told him unequivocally, in writing, to feck off.

maddening Mon 31-Dec-12 11:06:27

Reply and advise you will take his emails to hr at work?

VenusStarr Mon 31-Dec-12 10:59:07

Make sure you block him and adjust your privacy settings.

Also report at work.

FiftyShedsOfGrey Mon 31-Dec-12 10:42:22

That wasn't exactly helpful Sally!

I think you need to report him at work TBH OP.

Sallyingforth Mon 31-Dec-12 10:36:13

Yet another FB problem. FB It isn't compulsory and many of us manage perfectly well to keep in touch with friends using email.

TheMonster Mon 31-Dec-12 09:55:25

Block him completely. Then even if he searches for you he won't see you.

yohohoho Mon 31-Dec-12 09:53:22

Anyone can message you on fb. Unless you block them. When they search for you, you won't appear.

Also you could speak to work. Even though this is outside work they still should do something.

CoolaYuleA Mon 31-Dec-12 09:14:25

You can also report him to your employer for Sexual Harrassment - it doesn't have to happen at work.

You can also report him to the Police.

Obviously block him on Facebook but copy all the messages first.

The fact that he persisted after saying he would stop is a big red flag, I personally would be taking it further. His behaviour is unacceptable and frankly weird.

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