To feel sad that I'm an only child?

(109 Posts)
perceptionInaPearTree Sun 30-Dec-12 23:38:46

At Christmas, particularly all my friends have their siblings to visit etc. I feel like I've missed out - I would have loved a brother or sister to have a close relationship with and talk to on the phone.

I'm very glad my children won't ever feel the way I do (lonely) as I have three.

Anyone else feel like this?

Droflove Mon 31-Dec-12 00:51:07

Yanbu. I was taught from a young age that my sister is a special friend for life and that we would always have each other. Fast forward 30 years and I have never doubted that and it's the way it is. I think kids do need to be encouraged to treat their siblings with love, respect and buddies for life. Otherwise even those relationships can break down.

TwoFacedCows Mon 31-Dec-12 00:53:39

oh bugger! you could be her utterly!!! grin

Utterlylostandneedtogo Mon 31-Dec-12 00:56:05

Ha ha I would laugh

TwoFacedCows Mon 31-Dec-12 01:00:07

phew!! I had to go and check your name, and thankfully you are not her!! I am expecting to see her on here as she is pregnant. She is mad and has now totally fallen out with me due to me not asking about her being pregnant! - like i said, we NEVER EVER jsut call each other for a chat, so why she thinks it should change now is beyond me! -- i know why, she just wants attention and is pissed because i didnt give her any!!--

louisianablue2000 Mon 31-Dec-12 01:02:51

I'm one of four because my Mum was effectively an only child (not my grandparent's choice, her brother died in infancy). You always get the people with bad relationships with their siblings commenting on these threads but IRL most people I know get on well enough with their siblings. Mum said as she got older being an only child got worse, especially when my grandparents were getting older and weaker. At least she had cousins who were supportive. I wouldn't be without my siblings, the shared history and family in-jokes can't be replicated and even though we live across the country we still make an effort to see each other regularly. When DS (DC no3) was born the various aunts and uncles took turns visiting and helping out which was fantastic.

perceptionInaPearTree Mon 31-Dec-12 02:31:33

I am not resentful in the least - I accept who I am and like my life in many ways. Just feel a little envious (not bitter) of friends who obviously have nice, functional relationships with their siblings, that is all.

Coralanne Mon 31-Dec-12 03:31:16

I don't know how I would feel without siblings. I have 5 (had 6 but one DB died at birth).

I find I do different things with each of them. My DB and I are the youngest so are fairly close as our DC's are roughly the same age.

I have one DS I go patchworking and sewing with. We also spend Christmas Day together each year.

My eldest DS lives 4.5 hours away and although there is a 14 year age gap we get along well. (When I visit her I sit on her huge verandah and get waited on hand and foot[grin ])

Another DS is in ill health and I rarely see her but always have warm feelings towards her and she knows she can count on me whenever she needs me.

The last DS has always been a very nurturing kind of person (she is a registered nurse) I have lunch with her at least once a week and she organizes theatre outings etc, She's pretty much the social secretary for the family.

Four out of the six of us still work full time so it's not always easy keeping up.

All our DC see each other on a regular basis.

Christmas 2013 we are going to try to get as many of my DM's 70 descendants together to celebrate her 95th birthday.

Coralanne Mon 31-Dec-12 03:32:18

grin

ZZZenAgain Mon 31-Dec-12 04:19:57

have a brother and a sister, none of us are close. We all live in different countries but I have more to do with friends from school than with either sibling. We don't hate each other but we get on with our lives pretty much without contact to each other. Maybe that is unusal. My cousins cannot stand each other for some reason, I like them both but they are very different personalities.

My mother was an only dc due to the death of her brother who she didn't know. She told me she wanted us to have each other so we wouldn't feel lonely but in fact I don't really think once we leftvhome it made much difference to us

MaMattoo Mon 31-Dec-12 04:49:25

Oh dear, I hope my only child does not think this when he is older.
YANBU there is a special equation in the sibling relationship that nothing else quite matches, BUT you might not always get along. I now know more people who don't get along as compared to those who are happy and close knit. And I don't think parenting can be blamed for it entirely.

I have 2 siblings who I love immensely and we get along very well, speak everyday despite being on different continents etc. I am actually thinking of moving countries to be near them again.

But I have decided to stop at one child as I had the pregnancy and delivery from hell and would not want to go through it again. Hence your post made me stop to read.

cricketballs Mon 31-Dec-12 07:39:31

I had 2 sisters, 1 has since died. I am quite own about the fact that whilst I loved her as a sister I didn't like the person she was and if she wasn't my dsis then I would have never spoken to her. However we both knew that although we didn't like each other we would always be there if needed.

My other dsis is a different story and we get on really well and speak to each other on a regular basis apart from the time her ex caused a huge argument.

My dh is an only child and he admits that he struggles to comprehend the relationship that dsis and I have, also the dynamics of the relationship of our dc

Loveweekends10 Mon 31-Dec-12 09:56:31

I grew up kind of as an only child as my brothers were much older but now we see each other a lot. They are all really nice people and we get on well. You can't predict that you are going to have great Christmases just because they are siblings. Some people just dont get on.

McNewPants2013 Mon 31-Dec-12 10:01:07

I have 4 sister and 2 brothers, and I haven't really seen them over christmas. To busy with there own DP and DC ( thats how it should be)

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Mon 31-Dec-12 10:12:12

For all you know your friends may be envious that you can spend time with your immediate family and are not duty-bound to go traipsing about the country visiting various siblings. Envy is one of the seven deadlies for good reason. smile

FlojoHoHoHo Mon 31-Dec-12 10:18:07

I know how you feel, when you look at other families that are close you wish you had that too but I do have a brother and I grew up hating him. Now he lives 200 miles away and I see him once every couple of years when he comes to see my parents.

CrispyHedgeHogmanay Mon 31-Dec-12 10:24:42

I'm an only child too and I have two children who are in their early 20s now and very close to each other.

We do feel it at this time of year because there are just my mum, the kids and me and it's just like a glorified sunday dinner. I also feel it a lot now because my mum is getting elderly ("I'm 84 you know") and when she's ill or somethng's wrong, there's no one to share the burden with. Once she's gone, I'll effectively be the head of the family and I don't wanna be a grown up yet! On the other hand we are all 4 of us very very close - us against the world sort of thing.

I'd probably be wishing I was an only child if I had lots of siblings so who knows?

manicinsomniac Mon 31-Dec-12 10:31:25

YANBU

I have one sister and she is everything to me - the one person who I seriously can't imagine being able to cope with the death of. But, even if we didn't get on, I would need her. I'm single, my dad is dead and my mum needs a lot of help and can be challenging to be around (plus she's only 56 so likely to be around for a while yet!) So if I had to bear the sole responsibility for that I'd find it really tough.

I never wanted children but, to me, the one silver lining in getting pregnant for a second time in even worse circumstances than the first, was that at least my older child wouldn't be an only and feel like she had to care for me alone if I ever need her to.

DumSpiroSperHoHoHo Mon 31-Dec-12 10:34:39

Yanbu.

I'm also an only child and have found it much harder to get my head round as an adult than I did as a child.

That said, I know plenty of people who have poor/indifferent relationships with their siblings and over time I have learned to let it go and live by the motto 'Friends are the family we choose for ourselves' and make the most of my lovely mates instead. I also have an only child myself and I hope she will learn to treasure her friends and build her own 'family' too. She's 8 and not remotely interested in siblings.

My only weak spot is anything to do with close older brother/younger sister relationships - I would have loved an older brother and if isee anything like that on TV/Films I'm guaranteed to shed a few tears blush.

perceptionInaPearTree Mon 31-Dec-12 14:59:32

Thanks, I wanted to see whether there was an only child who was happy as an adult being one! I feel it more as an adult too.

Itsjustmeanon Mon 31-Dec-12 15:33:56

I'm amazed at how many people don't get on with their siblings. I have two brothers, and am very close to both of them.

My mum is one of three girls, and considers her sisters her best friends. My dad has a younger brother. They do get on, but live about 3 hours away, and tend to be quite competitive. They don't like to see too much of each other. They still meet up at least once a year, and speak on the phone every few months.

thegreylady Mon 31-Dec-12 15:36:43

YANBU I am an only child too.It was so hard when my parents died especially. My mum and her sister were best friends all their lives and to some extent auntie's dc filled the gap for me but I always vowed never to have just one dc myself.

Salbertina Mon 31-Dec-12 15:39:02

Another one w a horrible sibling ..

CaptChaos Mon 31-Dec-12 16:13:55

YANBU

You are also welcome to my brother. He comes complete with a vile wife who will constantly put you down and 2 DDs who are the most ill behaved brats it has ever been my misfortune to meet. My brother is fabulous, but we never see him or hear from him and he comes with horrible appendages.

DumSpiroSperHoHoHo Mon 31-Dec-12 16:56:07

Greylady - that must have been so tough for you ((hugs))

Losing my parents is my worst nightmare - they are in their 70's and I feel like we're on borrowed time. As well as.having.no siblings, they and my DH don't have a great relationship so I know when the time comes I will have next to no support.

My extended family are lovely people but are spread out around the country and have their own families and priorities. I suspect when the time comes my husband's reaction will make or break our marriage sad.

CMOTDibbler Mon 31-Dec-12 17:02:19

You can have my brother if you like. He does nothing at all for our elderly and frail parents except hurt them. We weren't close growing up either.

When my parents die, which will prob be very soon, I will not see any member of my family again

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