Mumsnet Talk

Dd is 6, her dad was THREE hours late picking her up last time he had her (last weekend) he's not seeing her again til mid Jan, but despite this - didn't give her any thing for Christmas.

I didn't think dd was too bothered but tonight she just burst into tears at bed time because "daddy doesn't like her" when I said "don't be daft he loves you!!" She said he doesn't, he loves * step siblings because he bought them lots of presents which were under the tree at his house but not for her.

She's very sad.

Shall I wrap some thing small and put it on our door or some thing?

He's such a douche.

do not lie for him. ever.

do text him or send him a link to your post.

I'd be letting him know the above.....

I agree. Don't bail him out as I think you will be doing it for years to come. Just be there for her, tell her you love her and she has done nothing wrong. He is a twat.

Let him know she's upset, but don't lie to cover for him. It's hard she's got to learn this and it's hard that you have to live with the consequences of his actions (or lack thereof) but covering for him is not in her best interests long term.

Yes - tell him. If he's a total shit he'll be unmoved. On the basis your post almost made cry I'd hope her own Dad would go out and buy her a great present and drop at your house tomorrow.

Do not cover for him. Hold your daughter close and reassure her that you love her.
Let him know the effect he is having on her

made me cry that should be

No daddy doesn't live her. He's a cunt who doesn't deserve her. She'll work this out soon enough.

*love

Don't lie for him.

Hug her, love her, remind her of all the wonderful things she's had for Christmas.

It is tough that life isn't fair but don't build him a pedestal when frankly he's a ....

Those presents under his tree may have been brought by the other women and just labeled from him.

Just be there for her and try to build exciting future plans for the two of you to focus on.

Don't know why the fuck he took me to court and cost me thousands just to get bored of her in 18 months

He sees her every other Saturday. That's it. And in a whole term hasn't taken her ONCE to her gymnastics activities which I pay for.

Oh god

I know it won't help in the long run but I would be wrapping a shit load of presents just now. Could not bear to think she has seen all the other children's presents.

Everyone else is right though, don't do it

Really shit that she has to go through this. Luckily DP dotes on her and has done since she was 2, we had a really lovely day at the coast and I genuinely thought she had forgotten about Christmas already but it must really be playing on her mind

I do think you should be letting him know

What sort of father forgets to buy his child something for Christmas

Or send him a text simply saying....'Dd says thank you for her Christmas present' , then wait for a reply..

No don't cover for him. Ask him if he will be giving her her Xmas presents when he sees her next ? If he says no well you know where you are and just need to support dd. does he show he cares at all?

I wouldn't lie for him.

If you start lieing for him, you will have to keep it up and when your DD is old enough to figure it all out, she will be crushed.

What a fucking arse he is. I am sorry for you and DD

I don't know what he does to show he cares. Csa had to take him to court and get a liability order in order to get any money from him. He isn't exactly throwing himself to care for her.

What a shit he is.

I don't doubt Karma will get him in the end.

Don't bail him out, I know it's hard for her but you won't be doing her or you any favours in the long run.

If you've got a spare something you could wrap it and leave it as an extra from Santa who found out that her df didn't get her any thing.

Email him the link to this.

"I don't know what he does to show he cares. Csa had to take him to court and get a liability order in order to get any money from him. He isn't exactly throwing himself to care for her."

There you go then.

He doesn't care if he has to be dragged to court to contribute to the basic maintenance of his own daughter.

TBH, I would ban him from her life. She is young enough to recover from this. I am 32 and only just realising that my dad doesn't give a shit about me. I wish I had worked it out sooner.

I can't ban him. He took me to court and demanded access. He was violent and a shit to me so I put up a fight but I can't break the court order. There is a penal notice attached.

Did the mother of the step siblings not buy their presents? not that you would know if she did, or they did, but I doubt heaps of presents were from him

no consolation to a poor we girl of course

You cant lie for him though.

on a more serious note - you want shot of him right? you need to start documenting this stuff at school, a word with teachers, ask for it to go on file, ask if there is access to councelling because he's playing with her mind ...... in a year or two you will be the one with the ultimatums.

Oh your poor little girl, and poor you, your heart must ache for her .

But no, don't cover for him.

He applied for contact to get under your skin.

He doesn't care about her, sadly.

Don't lie on his behalf though. That would end up causing problems down the road.

See if you can come up with some extra nice things to do together with her, you and your lovely DP -- don't replace love and care with things. She will get a far better start in life with loving parents spending time with her than she would with anyone lavishing stuff on her, and especially stuff that comes under false pretences.

See if you can get the order modified so there are penalties for him if he shows up more than half an hour late or refuses to allow her to take part in scheduled and paid for activities while she is in his 'care'. That would not be unreasonable.