to want to stab this mum with a needle

(72 Posts)
meddie Sun 30-Dec-12 00:20:48

I work in nursing, today we had a family visit with their small child. who quickly became bored and started to act up a bit (like kids that age do). Mum turns to him and says "If you don't behave, that nurse will come stick a big needle in you"

I was shock

AIBU to want instead to stick the biggest needle I can find in the mum for failing parenting 101?

Willdoitinaminute Sun 30-Dec-12 01:31:40

No it's always unacceptable to use HCP as bogeymen we already get enough bad press!

MammaTJ Sun 30-Dec-12 04:13:08

I can't imagine saying that to one of my children.

My DD is 7 and already needle phobic. She had the flu jab in November and is already fretting about next years. To actually threaten a child with it is appalling.

I wouldn't threaten with a policeman either tbh, there may come a day when they need to go to one for help!

Chottie Sun 30-Dec-12 06:14:06

meddie I agree with you and find that remark just awful. Why do parents say these things to their children?

Before I get flamed, I will add that Christmas, hospital stress etc. is not an excuse.....

I'm thinking if a mother makes that sort of comment in public, what does she say to the child in private shock

It only takes one misplaced comment for a seed to be planted and a fear to grow. Children will fret over really strange things anyway, never mind giving them something real to fixate upon.
As a nurse I see the stress that needle phobic patients endure, with some we have to do weeks of preparation therapy with the psych OT before we can even get them anywhere near a clinic room.

As an aside we were shopping in Tesco a couple of days ago, there was a little girl being a bit 'lively' but no worse than any other three-ish year old.
As we walked past her, DH pushing the trolley, the mother said to the child "Get back here or the bad man will get you and take you away".
Just as DH was right next to her child. The stupid mother probably didn't even mean him, but it's a daft thing to say (there are better ways of teaching them stranger danger) and though we laughed it off he said he felt a bit 'Wha?'.

Megatron Sun 30-Dec-12 07:10:56

Comments like that are ridiculous and I honestly do believe that they can stick in a child's mind and give them fears in the future.

However, nor am I a fan of people taking one incident/snapshot like this and judging a person to be a failure as a parent. It was stupid but presumably none of us on here know what's going on on that persons life, I know I certainly don't get it right 100% of the time, I wish I did. I bet every single one of us on here has been judged unfavourably on our parenting along the way, in a shop, hospital,school etc by someone who knows nothing about us or our family life.

yousmell Sun 30-Dec-12 09:21:35

I would never say that exactly (needles - ugh!) but I can say quite daft similar things as a joke to my kids and they would find it funny.

However if they were being naughty, it would be the naughty chair or naughty step even in hospital.

Some comments can roll off a child while others can over as a deep seated worry.

yousmell Sun 30-Dec-12 09:28:46

mousey - I tend to tell my kids factually what will happen if they xxx . So while my 4.5 year old is helping me cook I will briefly/lightly/undramatically remind him about burns/tap water/hospital visits so that he is careful. We do quite a lot of cooking together.

cheekybaubles Sun 30-Dec-12 09:47:01

Well done hilda, I have done similar to that too. Was very satisfying. Don't think some people realise how horrible it is to be used as the threat.

everlong Sun 30-Dec-12 09:48:47

What is wrong with some people?

RooneyMara Sun 30-Dec-12 09:51:36

Yes I agree the mum's comment was poorly judged. But I also find your thread title and comments about retaliation, however much of a fantasy they might be, pretty distasteful.

forthesakeofoldQODsyne Sun 30-Dec-12 09:58:06

Eeeh but I am sooooo that mum who makes these threats ..... However, my dd, who is now 14, always understood my humour.
My favourite one was when dd and dn were driving me insane in sainsbury and I said "right, that's it, I'm ringing the social worker back, you're going into care"
They stood there giggling and snorting and the checkout ladies jaw hit the floor.

I guess it's all in the saying of it.

My dd ALWAYS used to ask before a Drs visit or hospital appointment "will I have to have an injection?"
My answer "yes but only in your eyeball"

If you didn't know me or her you might think I was evil I am

Good lord, the PO are out in strength today!

OP YANBU at all. I hate it when parents threaten their child with another person (Daddy, Santa, police etc) because all it does is teach that child that their parent is incapable of discipline and that authority figures should be feared. hmm

In this case the parent is just setting the child up to be scared of needles and HCPs so it's doubly unreasonable.

RooneyMara Sun 30-Dec-12 10:01:17

Do you never find anything offensive, Joyful?

lolaflores Sun 30-Dec-12 10:02:29

Overheard a mother at a GP's threaten her ill child with injections and needles if she didn't behave. Plain nasty.
Don't care if they are stressed, tired etc. being such a bully is just vile

PackItInNow Sun 30-Dec-12 11:26:26

It won't necessarily cause a needle phobia in kids. A lot of other kids I went to school with and I were threatened with injections if I misbehaved. None of us have needle phobias.

IME, most people I know with needle phobias have them because of the BCG (we all had the BCG in primary 6/7) and the size of the needle used, not from being told that it was sore.

I have a phobia of needles being given in the side of my thigh. This stems from the injection hurting so much even though I was given pethidine. I told the nurse that I would NEVER have another jab in the side of my thigh ever again. So the next time I had pethidine I asked to be jabbed in the bum. They refused to do it, saying the couldn't in case they jabbed the sciatic nerve, and although she already had the needle sitting out ready to use, I refused until I could have it done in my bum. It wasted a needle, but I sure as heck, wasn't going to endure pain for the sake of some pain relief.

Fortunately a wonderful Phillipino nurse gave me the jab in my bum, no problem. The side of my thigh is still sore from that day and I have refused to have any more injections in the side of my thigh.

I will not have any more jabs unless they can guarantee it'll be in my arm/bum/ anywhere else other than my thigh.

Fakebook Sun 30-Dec-12 11:33:59

I do this in shops. When dd is running around or touching things I tell her the shop keepers will get angry. Or the doctors in doctors surgery will get angry. It stops her from doing silly things. Maybe the poky needle was a bit of a silly comment though.

PackItInNow Sun 30-Dec-12 12:06:14

Meant to put in that my phobia isn't classed as a phobia of needles, just where the site that triggered off the reluctance to have any injection. I can sit and have blood taken, injuections anywhere on my body except the thigh and my back (had steroid & anaesthetic injections, at the Chronic Pain Clinic, that were absolutely excruciating and the next few days I was bed-ridden and in tears due to the pain).

I was asked what I would do if I had to have a lumbar puncture, and I told the GP that if I wasn't knocked out, it just wouldn't happen.

12ylnon Sun 30-Dec-12 12:09:46

forthesake we do exactly the same thing. DS always knows we're joking and he thinks it's funny. For example, if he's complaining of something painful and being a bit pathetic about it, we go 'right, everyone jump in the car! We need to get to hospital so that DS can have his finger/foot/tummy amputated!' He thinks its funny and it takes his mind off the whining. I wouldn't say it to anyone else's child though, might take me seriously....
Is it possible you misunderstood her tone op?

digerd Sun 30-Dec-12 12:19:35

Our SAHM always threatened us with " Just wait until your father gets home!"
I was the only one who was scared. Oh, and she used to threaten us with the dog lead, but never used it, again I was the only one scared. That was in the "olden days, of course".
Poor mum.

Pagwatch Sun 30-Dec-12 12:24:54

I hate it when people use others to be a baddie. The person responsible for making my children behave is me.

I have responded to 'sit down and behave or that lady will tell you off' by saying to the child things like 'I won't. I really don't care'

trapclap Sun 30-Dec-12 12:35:34

I'm with forthesake and 12 my kids would completely understand that the nurse wouldn't really inject them....and I would assume that the woman in question knows that of her own children, rather than thinking she was some jobs of abusive bully parent failure hmm

Why do parents say these things to their children?

Because they honestly don't know any other way of parenting and you will find that they where parented in this manner.

You will probably find that unless the child picks a partner who knows better, then they will also parent their child in that manner.

When on MN it is asked if the poster should challenge bad parenting, the consenus is no, but if people are not taught "positive parenting", then they don't know how to do it and often rely on threat.

I include myself in this. I deliver "parenting" programmes, i wish i knew when my children where little what i know now. I will be a better GM than i have parent at times, tbh.

I don't think that we should condemn parents for what they don't know.

trapclap Sun 30-Dec-12 13:01:53

There are many ways to parent. Different kids respond to different approaches. Different situations require different approaches. Most parents have a full arsenal and don't rely totally on some rigid 'postive parenting' mantra or other made up crap

OliviaPeaceOnMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 30-Dec-12 14:23:25

Peace and love

Pagwatch Sun 30-Dec-12 14:26:31

You lot should behave or I will get Olivia to tell you off [ner]

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