to expect a bit more gratitude for spending time with DP's children?

(67 Posts)
dingledangleflipflop Fri 28-Dec-12 23:29:23

I have been with my DP for 3 years (have known each other for about 7), she has two children aged 4 and 8 and I'm sick of her not appreciating the effort I make with them.

I see the children once every week or fortnight as I work away, when I'm around I do spend time with the children but rather than appreciate my efforts, DP says this is simply what she expects me to do.

According to her, I knew the situation when we got together (her having kids) and if I want to be with her I should be prepared to just get stuck in and stop expecting praise.

Things came to a head yesterday when I looked after her children for half an hour while she went to the supermarket, I do not have children so I do find it stressful being around them at times. After driving her to the supermarket, looking after her kids and then driving everyone back to her house again I said I'd like to watch a DVD on my laptop (with headphones in) while they sat and watched a film in the same room.

DP kicked off and said if I wanted to do that I might as well not be there, it would be rude to sit in the same room doing something else when we could all sit together and watch something suitable for the children.

I'm sick of her selfish attitude, I was stressed out from entertaining her kids while she went shopping and just want her to understand that sometimes I need time to unwind after being around them.

She refuses to back down and says I'm trying to cherry pick when I am involved with her kids, who is being unreasonable?

McPheastOfStephen Fri 28-Dec-12 23:31:24

biscuit

CrazyChristmasLady Fri 28-Dec-12 23:32:30

Her selfish attitude?

This is some sort of reverse AIBU isn't it?

MissyRain Fri 28-Dec-12 23:32:44

Do you live with her and the kids?

WorraLorraTurkey Fri 28-Dec-12 23:32:44

You see them once every week or fortnight and you were stressed out after minding them for half an hour?

Are you for real?

Booyhoo Fri 28-Dec-12 23:32:55

i think you should do her a favour and tell her you dont want to spend time with her children.

as for expecting praise? what are you, 4? grow the fuck up.

Gosh.

I think she is being unreasonable - you're not joined at the hip.

But you don't sound keen on the kids, not one word of affection for them in your post - I'm not criticising you for that but parents are quite attached to their kids grin and generally expect you to start to love them after a while.

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot Fri 28-Dec-12 23:34:36

You sound like a right catch.

Don't let the door hit you on the arse on the way out.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Fri 28-Dec-12 23:34:39

Do her a huge favour and leave.

usualsuspect3 Fri 28-Dec-12 23:36:01

Yep, the biggest praise you will get from her is when you do one.

IamtheZombie Fri 28-Dec-12 23:36:19

Ummm. Yeah, right. After half an hour you needed time to unwind? Do everyone a favour and let her find someone who appreciates the whole package.

WildWorld2004 Fri 28-Dec-12 23:38:25

This has to be a joke, right?

Because no one would be so selfish that they would post something like this.

KittyFane1 Fri 28-Dec-12 23:38:30

Actually, YANBU for not really wanting to spend time with her DC. YABU to expect to have a serious relationship with this woman without realising that her DC are part of the deal though.
Maybe this relationship isn't for you OP. Her DC will always be there and whilst they are young, will need her care. If you don't want to be part of it you should break it off.

Cheesemonkey Fri 28-Dec-12 23:38:54

I think you need to grow up.

yohohoho Fri 28-Dec-12 23:39:07

Do her a favour and leave.

Its not unreasonable to want to watch a film in your laptop.
Yabu to need to wind down after 30 minutes with them. Yabu to expect praise for minding them and helping your PARTNER out with her children.

do you live together?

TraineeBabyCatcher Fri 28-Dec-12 23:39:34

Haha, how have you made it to 3 years with an attitude like that?

greenplastictrees Fri 28-Dec-12 23:40:08

I've never called troll before but surely this cannot be genuine?!

kickassmomma Fri 28-Dec-12 23:40:16

I age with your dp!! if you are to start a relationship with someone with kids you shed make the effort with and not expect praise! you find it stressful because you don't have kids everyone who has kids finds it stressful !! lose kids are guna be in your life fr a long time. you shed treat them as If they were your own your do might just need a break for a while !!

WildWorld2004 Fri 28-Dec-12 23:40:36

My dd comes first before anyone & i am sure it is the same for every other loving parent. If someone cant handle that then they are not welcome in my life.

WorraLorraTurkey Fri 28-Dec-12 23:41:08

I age with your dp!!

Do you use the same anti wrinkle cream? grin

CabbageLeaves Fri 28-Dec-12 23:41:50

Kids are an integral part of your life when you are a parent. She's right that you did know she had kids. She's misunderstood that this meant you'd know what this meant.

I'm guessing you haven't got any otherwise you'd appreciate that your attitude is fine (in that you are entitled to feel as you do) but totally incompatible with having a relationship with anyone who is a parent

AngryBeaver Fri 28-Dec-12 23:42:30

Sorry, if you don't love these children by now, it's not fair on them, her...or yourself to continue with the relationship.
You sound very detached.
The reality is, if you start a relationship with a Mother, the expectation is that one day you will be a family unit.

And the praise thing is plain odd. Quite childish and needy,tbh.

OldBagWantsNewBag Fri 28-Dec-12 23:42:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kissmyshineymetalass Fri 28-Dec-12 23:43:43

Are you taking the piss? shockconfused

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