PIL dog - advice please(267 Posts)
We're currently visiting the in laws for Xmas an their dog has just gone for me, u bent downto give him a sausage and he went for my face - punctured my eyelid and caused a blood blister and a lot of bruising - I'll be getting one of them to take me to the doctor tomorrow morning, they're very rural, and everyone has had a bit too much to drink, so cannot drive.
This in itself is bad enough, but the dog shortly after snapped at dd and hurt her hand - he did not draw blood, but obviously scared her.
My question is how do I handle this - in laws are brushing it under the carpet - I've not been able to speak to DP alone since it happened. But I just want to leave, I am worried about going to the doctor, will I have to report the dog? It's not the first time he's had a go at me, but it is the first time he's made contact.
I'm kind of scared of the dog an can't stand being around it or even have DD in the same room - and I'm normally a massive dog person.
Aside from a banging headache I'm ok, I've cleaned it up and taken some ibuprofen, it's a bit swollen and bruised but I think it'll be ok.
Any ideas on how to handle this?
My eye is getting there slowly thanks for asking, I'm still using the drops, and it doesn't get blurry now, unless I've had a heavy day of spreadsheets, then my vision starts to decline in that eye.
On the good note, I believe the behaviorist is coming round next week to assess the dogs - so we'll see how it goes.
I've avoided having to deal with MiL since this happened, but she emailed me to let me know. I do hope they can work things out with the dog, but won't be rushing up to see them or inviting them over any time soon.
MTB, I'm so glad your eye is healing, I'm shocked at how little they seem to consider other people.
Thanks Hope - I'm slightly amazed they are actually doing something
My eye is doing ok, vision is still a bit blurry and I'm going to probably have to use drops in it for a while still, but overall it looks like it's going to go back to normal - which makes me so very happy
Great news! It's a start
How is your eye?
I know I've not been on here a while, but we've had a break through, they're actually having the dog assessed, by a professional. I don't know what will happen after that if anything, but I'm so pleased they've actually done something, even if it is a small step, at least it's in the right direction.
I think that you need to say that you accept it is his parent's choice if they want to train the dogs or not, and you also accept he is right, they are a liability, but as parents you have a duty to DD above all else, as if you are accepting those dogs are a liability, then she can never be in the same house as those dogs until they stop being a liability. If that means you can't see PIL until the dogs die because they won't visit without them, then so be it.
It's your PIL choice what they do with their dogs, but your DH has to make it clear to them what the consequences of that choice are. If he's not prepared to do it, then you will, but you will not allow him to put your DD or you in danger.
Then refuse to discuss it further, or back down.
but he seems to be suggesting (without saying as much) that we just have to accept that the dogs are a liability.
I think that you have to make it clear that while he may be prepared to accept it then you will do no such thing. Therefore, while he may choose to be around his parents dogs when they are unrestrained you will categorically refuse to be or let your DD be near them.
Does your DH realise that had it been a general member of the public the dog attacked and injured it could of been very serious for the dogs ? No-one would then accept the dogs are 'a liability'
Good to hear that your eye is getting better. And while I wouldn't wish any kind of car accident or damage on anyone, I bet it was a relief not to have to deal with PIL on your weekend away.
Lack of support from your DH is worrying. Clearly PIL are not going to train the dogs. He says that you have to accept that the dogs are a liability- my response to that is that yes, they are, and for that reason I wouldn't be putting myself or my children at risk by visiting PIL with the dogs at any time. Don't back down here- you've had a very traumatic injury and were lucky to avoid permanent damage. The next injury the dogs cause might be more permanent.
Glad your eye is healing.
Your PIL are showing quite clearly that the dogs are higher in the pecking order than you and your DD.
It is very likely that someone else will be harmed by these dogs, including your DD. Ask your DH to imgaine looking his daughter in the eye in the future and apologising to her for the scars / damage to her eyesight because he didn't protect her when she was young and instead decided to appease his parents.
I think that you have to go it alone and protect your daughter if he isn't going to support you, you cannot let those dogs, or any dogs your ILs have, anywhere near her.
Glad to hear your eye should be ok in the end MTBMummy
Actions speak louder than words. Your pil are clearly have no interest in training their dogs and are not worried about the way they behave. They have shown that the dogs are more important to them than you are
Is your dp saying that he wants you/dd to go anywhere near those dogs? If so, he is being massively unreasonable. You were seriously injured and nearly lost your sight. If I were you, I would not go anywhere near those dogs ever again.
How does dp think he is supporting you?
Hi all, sorry for the lack of update, I got so busy prepping for holiday I didn't get a chance to update you all, and thankfully I genuinely did have no mobile signal while at CP (although DP did, which is how we got the news that "sadly" PIL's would not be coming to meeting us due to damaging their car by hitting a pot hole in the dark and wrecking 2 wheels - such a shame)
My eye is ok, no serious damage, although I still have some bruising, but they reckon it should clear up with time, I do need to go back in 3 months to make sure it's still all doing well, but they say it was a close call, if it had been fractionally deeper we could be talking glasses for the rest of my life or worst case blindness - so a massive sigh of relief from me :-)
PIL haven't even asked how the test went, even though I made a point of mentioning it to them.
I may be repeating this, so I do apologise, but what I have discovered is that beside the initial phone call, PIL's have done nothing about actually arranging training for the dogs, or taking any steps to improve their behavior. I did have a bit of an argument with DP over this, and it actually brought me to tears, not something that happens often, but he just doesn't seem to get it, he understands why I'm upset, but he seems to be suggesting (without saying as much) that we just have to accept that the dogs are a liability. I'm really not sure where to go from here with him, and I explained that I was shocked that he wasn't supporting me more, but he feels he is.
Have been thinking of you, how is your eye?
If a dog went for my eye ball and did damage there would be no f*cking question about me making a complaint to the police. It will go for someone else (you again). It tried to attack your DD.
Your in-laws sound like utter imbeciles. Just tell them to f*ck of wither their f*cking horrible dog, you never want to see it again (with your good eye).
I really hope you've not sustained any lasting damage but why on earth are you being so f*ing pleasant to them? I don't even know you and I care more about your eye than they do!
Next time they're round "accidentally" cut or burn them then show no f*cking notice of what your done whatsoever. No apologies, no lift to the A&E, no further mention of it.
How is your eye, op?
I hope your eye is ok.
Shame you left your mobile charger behind when you left for CP, wasn't it.
How did the test go?
OP, how is your eye? Hope it has gone well for you today.
don't meet them.
you need your holiday. and they need to get a grip and a trip to the vets for some serious business.
good luck for tomorrow, I hope your eye is fine and there is no permanent damage.
Your Pil and the dogs aren't the problem, your Dh is. He clearly puts them above you or your dd...
You don't need to meet them.
DP has told them not to come up. Not your fault if they don't listen and make an unnecessary journey.
And if they say you are withholding 'access' to DD and DP(!) then point out that the option to put the dogs on the lead and enter the park to see you was given to them but they declined it.
"They're just not listening so it looks like we'll have to meet them".
No. That isn't how it works in families- at least not in families that aren't controlled by selfish gits and their vicious, over- indulged dogs.
You DO NOT have to meet them. Why on earth would you - you are going away with your family. How do you think your mum's partner and your sister are going to feel when you vanish for the day ? FFS, you and DP have to stop giving in to your in-laws. Realistically, what are they going to do ? Comb the whole of Centre Parcs and drag you all to the nearest pub which welcomes savage dogs ? Cut contact ? Fine - you don't want to place yourself or your child in further danger anyway.
Please stop pandering to these people. They are not your only family. And bowing to their demands is not fair on your family who want to spend time with you all after the loss of your mum.
If inlaws were that bothered about seeing you , they'd kennel the dogs for visits, or put them on leads to call in to CP. But it isn't about wanting to spend time with you; it's all about them and the dogs calling the shots and keeping you in your place (i.e. some way below the dog basket, in their view).
I'm sorry for the loss of your mum, and I hope your eye is not permanently damaged - that sounds worrying. But please don't think that a grandmother willing to take risks with your family's safety to avoid inconvenience to her dogs is better than none.
I would refuse point blank to go. You are having tests to see if their dog has perminately damaged your eyesight and they still don't give a shit?These people don't actually like you - why would your DH put up with his parents making it clear how little respect for his own DW they have???
If your eyesight is perminately damaged make sure they know - andI'd be telling them you won't be seeing them with the dogs regardless of what training those dogs have ever again. Spell it out to them if that means they will not see their DGD until their dog is dead, so be it, it's their choice. Stand firm, stop compromising, imagine it was your DD who was having tests to see if her eyesight was damaged by this dangerous animal?
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