To Be Annoyed about this (Poss SN) Childs Behaviour

(1000 Posts)
fantasticfanjo Fri 28-Dec-12 13:32:06

Ok so we went to The Panto last night which wasn't a cheap night out with the tickets costing £100 + for 4 of us.

We were sat 4 seats in with a family of 4 occupying the end 4.

The Father of other the family preceded to lift his DS aged about 10/11 over the seats (spare) to the row in front so he could get a better view and was now sat directly in front of my DP.

This child then spent the entire performance jumping up and down on the seat in front,shouting loudly for sweets,flapping arms,banding his head with his shoes which he'd taken off and generally distracting everyone around him. To give the father credit he did repeatedly tell the child to shut up /sit down and threaten him etc.

Although My experience of ASD is quite limited, I'm assuming the boy was on the Autistic spectrum and although the panto is a family performance and I expect to be disturbed by kids needing a wee,rustling sweets etc AIBU to be pissed off with our evening be ruined especially seeing the boy could have been seated on the end of the aisle where he would have disturbed others less ?

threesocksfullofchocs Fri 28-Dec-12 14:07:47

oh come on...
my gripe would be with the parents, who moved said child away from them...
yes the child cannot help how he was behaving, but putting him a row away, then shouting at him!!
poor lad.
I would have complained and got theatre to sort it.

DozyDuck Fri 28-Dec-12 14:09:08

Three socks I would have an issue with parents talking to children like that too

But the OP talked about having issues with the child for stimming. That's very unreasonable

YABVU as a parent of a child with severe autism, people like you make me weep, show a little compassion and understanding to people who have a disabled child and thank your lucky stars that one of your children isn't affected.

threesocksfullofchocs Fri 28-Dec-12 14:11:48

DozyDuck I know.
I am lucky as my dd"s is very visible....(tongue in cheek emotion)

just feel fro the lad being shouted at

DozyDuck Fri 28-Dec-12 14:13:53

I agree threesocks
If op had said 'Aibu to be upset about how these parents acted' I would have said no.

But she's blaming the child for the disability. sad

Such a shame people like that exist

fantasticfanjo Fri 28-Dec-12 14:14:32

Autistic people can't help stimming. Why don't you moan about the space a wheelchair takes up next?

Dozy What a stupid thing to suggest ,in this particular instance the parents of the child chose not to minimise the impact of their sons behaviour on others.This could have quite easily be done by seating him at the end of their aisle.
The only conclusion I can come to is that they didn't want him disturbing THEM and that was why they moved him to a row away from them !

Pagwatch Fri 28-Dec-12 14:14:52

Our panto had a relaxed performance specially for children with asd or similar conditions.

I wouldn't have let my son stay in front of other people if his behaviour was disruptive but to be honest I expect boisterous stuff at pantos so I am a bit [meh].

But tbh I don't really understand saying nothing for a three hour panto and then whining on the Internet. You should have spoken to the dad or asked someone to move you/him.

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Fri 28-Dec-12 14:15:45

You cant teach kids with severe ASD social rules easily if at all.

So..I guess they just cant go to the panto like other kids eh.

DozyDuck Fri 28-Dec-12 14:16:01

How would moving him to the end of an aisle help? Maybe they couldn't. Why did you move?

It's not stupid it's actually very factual. Maybe you breath funny and that was annoying the person next to you.

Pagwatch Fri 28-Dec-12 14:16:33

Why didn't you say something? Did you ask to be moved at the interval at least.

If the row in front of you was empty I assume there was room to move?

DozyDuck Fri 28-Dec-12 14:16:42

Why didn't you move sorry

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Fri 28-Dec-12 14:16:57

That's why my DD can't do the same as your kids, all you judgers

DozyDuck Fri 28-Dec-12 14:17:48

Don't let judgers get to you sad they obviously have nothing better to do.

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Fri 28-Dec-12 14:18:33

Yes..I suppose they can't help being thoughtless selfish arseholes.

Pagwatch Fri 28-Dec-12 14:19:45

Fanjo - slightly off topic but have you looked at relaxed performances at the theatre /panto and peck cinema screenings. They are nor very well advertised but they are great if your child struggles in that environment.

silverfrog Fri 28-Dec-12 14:20:06

umm, the OP says that the boy was moved into the row in front, away from a seat at the end of the row. so it was perfectly possible to seat the boy at the end of a row.

it is also possible to reduce stimming in an autistic child. sometimes, it can be as easy as reminding them they are doing X (although not always, as I know - dd1 has had some easily stifled stims, and some so-totally-compulsive behaviours that it is not possible to reduce them at all).

It reads to me as though the OP is complaining more that the boy's family moved him away from them (into their direct field of vision), and then left him alone and muttered threats at him from a (relative) distance.

there is no way I would ever think to behave like this. we take dd1 to all sorts of shows and performances. somtimes we have had to remove her, mostly she is 'containable' (for want of a better word) - but always from right next to her, with either dh or I sacrificing a lot of our enjoyment of the show to ensure that dd1 is ok, understands everything, and is reminded about her behaviour. that is just how it is for us - loads of preparation and on-hand, immediate being on top of dd1's behaviours.

I woudl have asked the family in question to either move their ds back to sit with them, or move to sit with their ds so that we could shuffle along into their seats at the end of the row. then the stimming and enjoyment form the boy in question would not have been so disruptive at all.

DozyDuck Fri 28-Dec-12 14:20:07

They can, they just think it makes them big and clever to pick on other people.

Pagwatch Fri 28-Dec-12 14:20:15

special cinema screenings

FrustratedSycamoreSnowflake Fri 28-Dec-12 14:21:15

"*Autistic people can't help stimming. Why don't you moan about the space a wheelchair takes up next?*

Dozy What a stupid thing to suggest ,in this particular instance the parents of the child chose not to minimise the impact of their sons behaviour on others.This could have quite easily be done by seating him at the end of their aisle."

Why didnt you move, since you were the one clearly disturbed by an ASD child being, well, autistic.
What Dosy has suggested is the exact responce I felt, just better phrased it's still discrimination whatever disability it is.

DozyDuck Fri 28-Dec-12 14:21:34

Stimming is a way to reduce sensory overload. I would never tell DS to stop that, it's cruel.

Shouting I would tell him to stop/ give him ear defenders.

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Fri 28-Dec-12 14:22:22

She wouldn't watch a film anyway.

It just makes me shudder to think people would post and moan about a child with ASD.

Am going to step away from MN for a while as sick of posts like this.

DozyDuck Fri 28-Dec-12 14:22:51

In fact if DS had to stil that much I would do everything possible to reduce the sensory overload. But I would not expect someone to sit there judging

HollaAtMeSanta Fri 28-Dec-12 14:23:16

DozyDuck what do you mean by stimming? Never heard that word before.

OP YANBU to be annoyed but it is totally the parents' fault, not the boy's. I think that's what you meant though! I don't know much about ASD but I believe that unfamiliarity, noises, darkness/funny lighting etc can stress out some children with these issues and trigger them to act out. It doesn't seem like a family panto trip was a very good idea for this boy.

DozyDuck Fri 28-Dec-12 14:24:40

Stimming is things like flapping, rocking, hitting head, spinning etc. the stim is different for every child or some might have a few

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Fri 28-Dec-12 14:26:27

It is to me the very definition of disablist to complain about someone with a disability enjoying the same outing that you have and expecting them to be kept away or moved.

Away to spend time with my nice but noisy DD and have a nice break from MN

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