To hope my Ladybits recover? :((95 Posts)
It's been nearly 9 weeks since I had my baby - I had a second degree tear and stitches. Am doing pelvic floor exercises because my GP said the internal wall of my vagina is quite weak.
DH and I had sex for the first time post-birth the other day. I am very very loose, not really enjoyable for either of us. TMI sorry - It was only enjoyable for him (or me) a bit more from behind (and annoyingly, that position is most ouchy on my stitches).
The term "vagine like sleeve of wizard" comes to mind.
Does it get better!?! Will it get tighter over time? I seriously did not expect to be this loose - my baby was inly 7lb 4oz!
FFS for the next one I want a c-section
AIBU unreasonable to hope my fanny recovers? What timeframe for improvement should I expect? I was thinking if after a year it wasn't better I'd very seriously look into reconstructive surgery.
What my physio said was that you should do them without doing anything else, so you can concentrate. Apparently when I was doing it whilst driving was bad for driving and my pelvic floor! Oh, and after a set my fanjo, ahem, aches! That's when I know I've done it right...
Just wait and see, it should get better. I had the opposite problem, stitched too tight and needed surgery to remove scar tissue. Happily that put me totally back to normal and I had a wonderful ELCS second time around. Highly recommended! Best wishes on your recovery, and congratulations.
Having a baby is a massive deal body wise - however it gets out it changes things!! None of us have a crystal ball and we can minimise potential risks but truthly we just don't know how it will go! But it's normal to feel differently about your body afterwards and it's ok to feel really upset about it.
My mums a physio and has always said (since I was about 8!) 'if you don't want to end up smelling of wee and scared to ever have fun then do your pelvic floors!!' And I do - all the time!! I've had two 10lb babies and after the second one things did feel different but honestly looking back now that was the least of my worries. It was more body confidence and change of role/identity etc.
5 years on my sex life is better than it was pre kids but that's probably more to do with getting my body confidence back and not giving a shit about being fatter and having masses of stretch marks.
Be kind to yourself and get squeezing.
I'm glad to hear it's common. Though I would be very happy even if I was the odd one out.
I felt like I'd had a dimmer switch for a long time. Rubbish orgasms for months. Then bang - one day I'm suddenly gifted with a new talent!
Keep the faith, 84!
It may be worth asking for a referral to a women's health physio to check you're doing the exercises properly.
I had to see one after having a 4th degree treat and two other vaginal tears during the birth of my DS. She really helped. She pointed out that squeezing all the time eat going to have any real benefit - you have to be sure you're doing the right exercises and doing them properly.
PF exercises good as they encourage blood flow to area, I actually bought a kegel 8 battery powered machine, and think that helped too. Takes several months.
FWIW I suffered trauma like you describe after DC1 but nothing further (ie no tears or anything even bruising after DC2 and DC3) - both times seemed to be back to "normal" within a few (3-4) weeks - although yes a different normal than before giving birth.
I was actually going to post something similar to this OP. DS is 4 months now and we have attempted sex 3 times and all efforts have been fucking awful - agony for me and absolutely no stimulation for DP. All 3 times we had to stop half way as there really was no point for either of us continuing.
I had a bad 3rd degree tear and have a lot of hard scar tissue. I was double incontinent when i left the hospital, but have got control over that now.
I honestly cannot imagine ever enjoying sex again. The sad thing is neither of us seem to even miss it!
Thanks for the link forever - going to do some research on these.
wednesday I am going to google and see if there's a women's physio near me. No point squeezing your fanny if it does nowt!
spuddy it's rubbish, eh? DH and I were apart for most of December (I'm on holiday for 2 months with baby in my home country) and we were soooo looking forward to sexy time when he got here. Erm, not so much anymore. Have you been to a gynae to check out your issues/get a recovery plan?
Does anyone remember that Guardian article a wee while ago that said female gynae/obs usually have elective sections?!
Wondering about hard scar tissue as spuddy mentions - does anyone know if there are there any exercises you can do at home for this? Massage with oils etc!
Yep, hope to have your stomach muscles gone - that's crazy.
Zara I am in a similar situation. My second baby is 5 weeks old. He was born by forceps. I was dead set against having a section, having had one first time around. I had a very long and difficult recovery from it.
And now I am having a long and difficult recovery from a vaginal birth too.
I feel quite fucked off with the whole thing to be honest!
I had a HUUUUUUUUGE episiotomy. Right in to my arse cheek. It has been stitched badly, hurts all the time. The pain is different and in different places - it is difficult to even describe. It is like a constant low level ache. On maximum doses of diclofenic, paracetomol, and now added codeine to the mix. I had less analgesia in the first couple of days after birth! Walking is the worst pain, standing gives the same discomfort too. Sitting gives a different pain. My knickers rub the area of the epis which is on my arse. No knickers is just as painful, as pants go up arse crack, and again rub the fucking epis site.
Inside is as bad as out. It is lumpy and tight, and has dragging type pains.
It is a fucking mess.
I am devastated that I will have to live like this for 6 months before I can be considered for a fentons procedure (re-cut and repair). I will be back at work then!! (How, I don't know with the pain). I also have very little bladder control, and can't feel to do pelvic floors. Am unable to stop the flow of urine. I feel like I always have a full bladder, even if I don't. So as a result I end up either weeing too often so the bladder doesn't get used normally, or getting too full and could be causing damage by over filling.
Sex is the least of my thoughts to be honest
But I just wanted you to know, you aren't alone. But I still don't want a section - given I had a crap recovery for other reasons, and really should of had reconstructive surgery on my scar after that - but haven't for a few reasons.
I don't think I will have any more children now. Even though I would like one more.
As many posters have said, things will get better. It does all need more time and the pf exercises (boring but really worth it).
As c sections have been mentioned, I agree with the view that they bring their own problems. A close friend had a planned c section after deciding against trying a vbac with her dc2. She has to go back for further surgery in 12 months. Plastic surgery that is. She showed me her abdomen, 4 weeks post the section. I was horrified. She said, 'it feels like I have been butchered'. And I'm afraid it looked like it too . It looked how I could only imaging a botched tummy tuck would look, due to the length of the scar (I have my own to compare) and the way the skin just doesn't seem to have been stitched back together properly. She can't believe this was done to her in a hospital in the UK. She wasn't up to visits from close friends for a while, and had been re admitted a week after discharge with a very serious infection in the wound.
Personally I think anyone's very traumatic birth whether it be vaginal or cs delivery, will have it's own particular awful aspects relating to that specific experience.
Things do get better, they really do. It's early days yet. You just need to have a little patience.
The Detective I had an emergency forceps delivery with my first due to foetal distress- very large episiotomy like yours up to my arse cheeks and also tearing inside. Many stitches. I couldn't sit on a hard chair, had to lift one cheek of my bum at a time onto the bed, was agony to pee, was terrified having a bowel movement, couldn't walk for long etc. Took months to recover, but I did eventually.
Echo that it does get better. I had sex too early after dc2 (I think it was about two weeks) and was horrified. I barely felt anything, thought I was ruined. But it does come back.
After dc1 I did actually feel tighter once I had recovered but this time around, not so much. Sex is good again though. Hoorah!
and at some of these stories. The damage childbirth can do to you always seems to get played down and I've only realised the half of it from what I have read on here.
Well done on your baby!
Why don't you see a physiotherapist who specialises in post natal pelvic recovery, and read Naomi Wolfe's book Vagina. It's very interesting read about how the nerves are affected by trauma and how the trauma on the nerves can limit enjoyment of sex.
Most women do their pelvic exercises all wrong according to my physio. She maintaines that women mostly just clench, but they don't fully release, and to learn how to relax all the pelvic muscles is essential, not just clench the perineum muscles. It's well worth being assessed anyway by a qualified post natal physiotherapist.
There are many different layers of muscles in the lower abdomen - the pelvic girdle- and a c section cuts nerves and muscles as badly as any vag tearing does... There's no easy way out of childbirth I'm afraid.
Sorry this bit
Ahhhhhhhhhh try again
Don't know why that wont work but if you type part IXA- appliances into the search section it brings you up the page showing its available on the NHS
Need to get onto the Pilates too - DH said his Pilates instructor reckoned certain exercise really helped her wrecked pelvic floor!
Late to the thread as usual, but just wanted to say I was the same after DD1 - had a natural birth but tore (bad 2nd degree tear) and the numbing jabs didnt take on one side of my foo, so when the midwife was stiching me could feel the needle going in, but not out and unsuprisingly was roaring my head off - was worse than the birth!
So the midwife said am going to have to stop as you are bleeding too much and you are getting too distressed (funny that) and didn't finish stitching properly - it was a car crash fanjo.
I was really upset, a bit traumatised and sad at the state of my bits and it took 9 months and a lot of clenching but it did get better and settle back to a new normal - But the first time we had sex i cried because it was like throwing a sausage into a top hat DH was very supportive and lovely about it, but i was so unhappy.
2nd time round when I met with the midwife and said I was worried about tearing etc I was pretty much dismissed so i was quite scared anout the 2nd birth. As it was, had a crash c-section and was up dancing/driving/shopping after 2 weeks - honestly was so much easier to recover from the section birth - if we have DC 3 I am having a section.
Also found Pilates really good after the 2nd birth
I had a planned section for a variety of reasons and one of the most pleasant other side effects has been - the retained strentgh of pelvic floor because five years on - with loads of exercise it was still weak from my so called - normal text book birth - with one small tear and no stiches - 23 mins pushing - 6 hours labour.
it took about 4 years for my body to feel anything like nealry normal again - however my section scar is nealry invisible already - and simply being able to be immedialty in contol of my bladder - being able to wee without pain - and still feel " intact" down below was a huge huge relief....a section comes with its own sets of problems but even though I had surgery its left me more intact than the so called VB.
eliza that's one of the reasons I think I'd want a section next time - more intact downstairs from the get-go.
I was horrified for the first week that I did not have a lot of control over my wees - I sat on the loo and just started urinating, no conscious effort to start the flow.
They really need to be more honest about all of this in antenatal class rather than all this "your body knows what to do" bollox. Just like I snapped at my MIL when she said she didn't know why I was having problems bf because it's "natural" - so is cancer.
9 weeks is nothing, I had internal and external stitches after having DD who was only 5.8lbs
Keep up with the exercises! Mine looks like a badly packed kebab now but feels ok in the sex dept. it's only when I jump up and down whilst dancing I piss myself now
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