To think adults who can't drive are a nuisance

(664 Posts)
Atthewelles Thu 27-Dec-12 14:07:10

Barring situations where an illness or financial circumstances proscribe it aibu to think adults who can't drive are a PITA. People have to constantly go out of their way to collect/drop them off places; arrange plans around the times that suit the non-driver who can't travel solo but has to tag along with you; always be the designated driver who can't have a drink while the non driver happily slurps a third glass of wine etc etc etc

Yes, I have been spending too much time with a non driving sibling over the family Christmas but AIBU to think that a perfectly functioning adult (who is extremely technically minded) in full time paid employment, should bloody well learn to drive.

Purple2012 Thu 27-Dec-12 14:15:44

Yabu. Why does a non driver end up imposing on someone? I can drive but gave up my car a couple of years ago for financial reasons. I get the bus to work, I get the bus to meet friends etc. How is that imposing on them?

It's my choice to use public transport and I don't have to justify why I dont have a car. I would love to have a car again. But until we can afford a car and holidays I will stick with the bus.

insancerre Thu 27-Dec-12 14:15:54

lalyRawr, that's awful. My DB died in a car crash too. Which is why I have never learnt to drive.
Do you know what annoys me? People who bloody well judge and think that everyone should be like them. Well, Op, we fucking well are not. So wind your bloody neck in.
<< and breathe>>

Atthewelles Thu 27-Dec-12 14:16:24

WorrA

Bit over the top. What about situations where the driving sibling has to do all the ferrying around of an elderly parent; can't help out with lifts and stuff when a relative is in hospital and so on. It's not just about looking for lifts; it's about not being able to help out in a crisis.

SugaricePlumFairy Thu 27-Dec-12 14:16:33

Bit of a mean thread!

I was never confident or probably competent enough to be a good, safe driver. It's safer for others that I'm not on the road actually.

Hope that helps!

I don't drive and don't impose on anyone, ever. I walk to most places get the train or the bus if its too far, I get taxis after a night out. Thanks for the sweeping generalisation though.

crashdoll Thu 27-Dec-12 14:17:47

But that's the thing. Non drivers are always convinced they don't put other people out because they get the bus to work etc. But they don't realise how often they do impose without realising.

How does someone getting the bus to work affect you?!

Purple2012 Thu 27-Dec-12 14:19:10

Also , my husband uses our only car for work. If I need the car to ferry around elderly relatives I can. I also use it for shopping. It is more inconvenient for me as I have to work around my husbands shifts.

SantasHoHoHo Thu 27-Dec-12 14:19:15

Harsh insacerre. The OP is getting at non drivers who impose on her, not just any non drivers.

MerylStrop Thu 27-Dec-12 14:19:15

I don't drive
I walk, or get the bus, or the train
It's very civilised
I occasionally accept a lift from someone if offered and they are going there anyway. I NEVER expect anyone to ferry me anywhere. EVER.
A lot of car drivers are a PITA because they can't seem to walk more than 5 metres in any direction.

FestiveElement Thu 27-Dec-12 14:19:29

I don't think yabu

I have a friend that doesn't drive, and while she is lovely and tries not to put upon anyone else, she does. People feel obliged to ferry her around, or to pick her up from places. She has been invited over to people's houses for dinner parties and then turned up an hour early because that's what the train times dictated and because public transport is such a pain in the arse for her, she understandably doesn't want to hang around doing nothing for an hour. But I think it's very rude to turn up that early.

I know someone else who is lovely that doesn't drive so relies on other people to take her children to and from school. I don't mind helping out and offered to give her child lifts, but I don't like then being asked to do extras on top of what I've offered. I hate having to say no, and I resent being put out by doing favours that I haven't offered.

If these adults could drive themselves, this problem wouldn't exist.

Cortana Thu 27-Dec-12 14:19:29

YABU to lump everyone in together.

My DP doesn't drive. If I can't drive him, he walks or gets a bus. When we were first dating he didn't like being driven when I offered and insisted on petrol money being given. I remember being shocked that he once got a bus home that didn't stop near his house so he walked the remaining 5 miles after a date, rather than ask me.

My friend on the other hand used to ask for lifts all the time, never offered petrol money and never said thanks. Her problem wasn't that she didn't drive, it was that she was a twunt generally.

crashdoll Thu 27-Dec-12 14:19:42

Bit over the top. What about situations where the driving sibling has to do all the ferrying around of an elderly parent; can't help out with lifts and stuff when a relative is in hospital and so on. It's not just about looking for lifts; it's about not being able to help out in a crisis.

So someone should get a car just incase an elderly relative needs 'ferring around'? FFS

coppertop Thu 27-Dec-12 14:20:21

" Non drivers are always convinced they don't put other people out because they get the bus to work etc. But they don't realise how often they do impose without realising."

Well unless I've somehow sleepwalked my way into someone else's passenger seat, I think it's fairly safe to say that I haven't imposed on anyone.

No doubt if everyone did drive, you'd be complaining about how there are too many cars on the roads and how inconsiderate everyone was for driving at the same time as you.

LalyRawr Thu 27-Dec-12 14:20:54

Atthewelles there are this mystical race of people that will drive you places if you ask nicely and give them money...

CatchTheFox Thu 27-Dec-12 14:21:05

i can't drive and it IS a pain in the arse. i can't wait to learn, but money is tight at the moment and we can't afford a car either. so pffffffffffffffff <flicks Vs>

WorraLorraTurkey Thu 27-Dec-12 14:21:12

What about situations where the driving sibling has to do all the ferrying around of an elderly parent; can't help out with lifts and stuff when a relative is in hospital and so on. It's not just about looking for lifts; it's about not being able to help out in a crisis.

Do taxis not run in a crisis? confused

I'm sorry but some people have an unhealthy obsession with cars...to the point where they think their whole life will crumble without one.

I'm 43yrs old and when I was growing up most families managed perfectly well with just one car between them all...and that's if they had a car at all.

No we seem to have got to a stage in the last 30 years where no bugger will walk anywhere or even consider using public transport.

It's ridiculous.

BunFagFreddie Thu 27-Dec-12 14:21:23

Also, how do all these people who think non-drivers are a PITA actually know that they don't have a good reason for not driving?

Fwiw, I have epilepsy and my bipolar and epilepsy meds can make me a bit spaced out, so not really safe to drive. The way people seem to feel entitled to quiz me about my non-driving is frankly very rude. Why tf should I have to disclose my medical history to them and explain myself, just because they think I "should" drive. It's getting to the point where I'm very tempted to tell the next person who quizzes me to mind their own business, it's really just a matter of time!

OP's sibling is obviously different, however, many people just don't want to advertise their personal circumstances to others.

RobinSucksInTheSnow Thu 27-Dec-12 14:22:00

I'm form a place where driving is pretty necessary, due to where we are and the crap public transport. When I learnt to drive I had an older cousin who didn't, we used to take the mick a little. Then my aunt pulled me aside and said he wasn't allowed to drive due to a medical condition but was ashamed to tell us, he'd told us it was because he didn't want to. So YABU if you just assume that people who don't drive tell the absolute truth about it.

Nowadays I'm a non-driver by choice, I moved to an area (greater London) with much better public transport. I've been in a car maybe 4 times in the whole year and I know I've never put anyone out!

Nancy66 Thu 27-Dec-12 14:22:05

I don't care if people drive or not.....but I do get pissed off with people that are very militant non-drivers but very quick to accept an offer of a lift and never offer any petrol money.

InNeedOfBrandyButter Thu 27-Dec-12 14:22:26

I wouldn't be able to help out in a crisis like taking elderly people to hospital even of I did drive, I have two young children and live half hours drive from elderly relatives.

And no Santa probably not, they could come to me but I wouldn't go trekking on a Sunday bus time in winter with two children because they want me to come round for coffee. Quite happy to make them a coffee at mine if they didn't feel like picking me up and taking me home again. Tbh apart from Sunday dinners (not very often) with family everyone comes to me anyway apart from my mum (and she only lives 5minutes down the road)

I'm not prepared to spend my spare money on a car when it would be sat on the drive more time then it's used.

Amytheflag Thu 27-Dec-12 14:22:47

YABU.

WorraLorraTurkey Thu 27-Dec-12 14:22:52

Harsh insacerre. The OP is getting at non drivers who impose on her, not just any non drivers.

No she isn't

She's tarring everyone who doesn't drive with the same brush.

I moved out of 'home' at 17, worked 4 jobs to ,ale ends meet and didn't have enough money or time to learn whilst young, too busy keeping a roof over my head.
I just walked everywhere.

Now I'm learning at the grand old age of 33 as I now live in a rural location.

YABU as you don't know the circumstances as to why they don't drive.

SugarplumMary Thu 27-Dec-12 14:23:33

YABU.

Our shopping is home delivered, we get taxies; buses do a lot of walking, biking.

I can't see how we put anyone out.

We always sort out how to get places at correct times and never ask for help.

We've had two lifts in last two years - as someone at a DC party couldn't believe our 3 year old would happily walk so far as home. They insisted – I accepted one lift with DC and DH another – next party she walked twice as far home with no lift and was happy.

It's people attitudes not the none driving.

My IL don’t drive – they get driven round a lot and do seem to be expectant of others driving them round. They are part of the reason – other being money- that we don’t drive.

FunnysFuckingFreezing Thu 27-Dec-12 14:23:43

So for the folk who don't drive, aren't you even a bit curious about learning? Don't you wish you could?

I learned to drive as soon as I realistically could ie 21 and really can't imagine not being able to. I would resent the lack of freedom. Mind you I do live out in the sticks and have always needed a car.

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