AIB ungrateful?

(176 Posts)
Hydrophilic Tue 25-Dec-12 19:49:52

I would never have thought I would be posting this, I am easy to please!

Me and DP have been together for 3 years, we have had a really crap year together. We relocated for his new (well paid) job and I have struggled to find one. I got a christmas job in retail and worked my butt off to be able to afford presents for him. He wasn't short of expensive suggestions for himself and I got him some really lovely presents. I spent about £100 overall from my wages- which has been a lot for me. I havn't bought anything for myself for a good 6 months- even crippled myself in heels for work as I couldn't afford flat shoes.

He is working today so I am at my parents. I have opened his presents:
-2 bottles of mulled cider
-a box of tea
-a single electric blanket

I am 23 not 83. We live in a mild area of the country, I just dont NEED one. I also know his mother paid for it as he said "he couldnt afford all of it by himself" (that got my hopes up it was a nice treat for me!!

He wrapped it up click and collect packaging and all. Hadnt even bothered to open it to make sure it was the right thing. Price was left on, £39.95. A couple of months ago he thought nothing of buying a £300 leather jacket for himself.

AIBU to just have wanted something pretty and nice for myself?

therewearethen Mon 31-Dec-12 22:12:06

Well this will teach him for buying shit Christmas presents won't it! Lol in all seriousness I think your doing the right thing. I'd rather have something homemade or costing £10 that my dp had put lots of thought into than getting something I hadn't asked for/need that my mil had half paid for and ordered!

I'm in Wales if that's any good to you op, for moving stuff etc.

ImperialBlether Mon 31-Dec-12 22:17:25

grin @ Mike. That's a relief - you write like a woman!

hugoagogo Mon 31-Dec-12 23:43:32

I hope Hydro is somewhere safe tonight.

take all of your stuff... it is not his, its yours and he has no right to claim it against anything.

please let us know whats happening... you have us all worried. we want to know you're safe and away from this guy. sod the job... you getting away is so much more important

where abouts are you? if you're struggling to move back with your mum then im hoping someone here lives near you that is willing to help.

Hydrophilic Tue 01-Jan-13 00:27:57

I'm ok, sorry for being quiet I was at work today. He is away for a few days, I will get my arse out of here but just need to get some energy. I am on antibiotics so hopefully this kidney infection will be gone soon.

Thank you for the support. Let's hope 2013 is less crappy.

CatPussRoastingOnAnOpenFire Tue 01-Jan-13 00:41:07

Wow! Ive just found this thread. what a dick head he is! Good for you seeing sense and dropping the twunt!

hugoagogo Tue 01-Jan-13 00:53:17

Really, am glad to hear you're ok. Happy new year! grin

ImperialSantaKnickers Tue 01-Jan-13 08:59:53

Happy New Year Hydro - get well soon and keep in touch.

Hydrophilic Thu 03-Jan-13 13:15:48

I've started looking for flat shares down here. Have had a horrible few days. Yesterday I made the mistake of agreeing to go to a local city (40 mins away). He drove so offered me a lift. Once there he marched me to his bank and ordered me to give him my bank details so he can put an (undisclosed and not discussed) amount in my account and then own the paintings. Obviously I said I wasn't being bullied in this way.

I don't even care so much about the paintings. Thy are lovely and I have paid for them in good times. It's the principle.

I have also just been shouted at for taking down the christmas tree. You can't walk past it without a whole branch dropping all its needles. Apparently he wants to wait until saturday as he wants it to feel christmassy "ive hardly felt christmassy at all this year" he whined.

When I pointed out I work saturdays he changed it to sunday. Because of course he cant manage to do it alone. He is always like this. Expects me to do housework and then when it comes to his turn he expects me to do half. If I dare to sit down I get called lazy.

I don't know if people remember me from many namechanges ago but he suffers from OCD and it's making my life hell. He suffers with intrusive thoughts and his response is to jump (imagine an 18st man jumping in a first floor flat, and often doing it in the kitchen and bathroom which are lino, my poor neighbours), shout and squeal like a pig. Last night it was every minute a squeal. I have always been sensitive to noises and it's driving me crazy.

I have had two years of living with him with constant noise. Every month he had a different excuse "job stress" "exam stress" but it never stops. He will suddenly stop in an evening and then its like living with 2 different people.

Euphemia Thu 03-Jan-13 13:17:24

Does he know you're leaving?

Sooner the better, you poor woman. sad

HollaAtMeBaby Thu 03-Jan-13 13:29:09

Dear God. The jumping, shouting and squealing like a pig would be a dealbreaker for me, never mind all the other fuckwittery!

Well done for standing your ground yesterday.

hugoagogo Thu 03-Jan-13 17:13:58

Good luck flat hunting. grin

He sounds awful.

You sound like you are handling it all very well.

MmeGuillotine Thu 03-Jan-13 22:47:55

Christ alive, I hope you escape his clutches soon. You poor thing!

flow4 Thu 03-Jan-13 22:53:10

Hydro, can't you move out NOW and stay with your mum while you look for a flat-share? This situation don't sound healthy. Actually, are you sure you're safe? sad

flow4 Thu 03-Jan-13 22:53:59

don't *doesn't hmm

ChristmasIsForPlutocrats Thu 03-Jan-13 23:00:27

At least he's incompetent to do anything himself! You may yet get away with this! Go, go, Hydro! grin

Dozer Thu 03-Jan-13 23:01:28

Bloody hell, leave now!

Cutiecat Fri 04-Jan-13 01:35:45

Get out. He sounds a nightmare. It will not get better - ever. There is no future for you with this man. He is not displaying any love or care for you. God I would have you come and stay, there must be someone to put you up for a few weeks. Could you sleep on your mum's sofa?

NewYearNewNN Fri 04-Jan-13 04:19:18

Hydro If you are still there, why? You haven't told us any redeeming features about this man, and some of what he's doing sounds really scary.

SantaWearsBlueSuedeStilettos Fri 04-Jan-13 05:01:44

He sounds truly awful. I have been through a very similar situation. (My horrid thoughtless Xmas prezzie was a perfume that he saw me try in the shop and knew I thought smelled like cat piss but he bought anyway because it was advertised by Sienna Miller hmm. He also tried to keep artwork I'd paid for. Tis now hanginh in my hall smile)

I know it's hard to leave a life behind and I know you truly loved him once, but you know what you want now and you CAN move out and move on. Go to your mums for now and sort the rest from there.

It'll all work out, it'll just be a stressy couple of months. But once it's all over you'll look at your sparkly new life and think "HELL YEAH! I did that!" It's a great feeling. Promise grin

My only problem now is that I'm so much happier by myself I don't want another bloke. Ever!

Hydro, I remember your previous posts - I look out for threads about living with OCD because we have a family member who suffers very badly with this.

Listen love, you've been posting here for nearly two years about your relationship problems with this man. Many posters have told you that he is selfish and controlling for not seeking therapy or medication and for expecting you to enable his rituals etc and put up with ludicrous restrictions on your domestic life because of his phobias.

You have told us that you've been supporting him while he qualifies as a doctor, and have relocated for his career. In return, he jeers at the jobs you are applying for and taunts you that your friends are no longer interested in you. He has reneged on his promise to support you financially until you find work. He is too mean to buy you a decent Xmas present or put fuel in your car (which he insists on using himself). He is trying to take away your posessions. He is bullying you.

You are only 23, you have a good degree and are hoping to go back to uni soon. Why on earth are you putting up with this nonsense? Please move back to your family and friends and make a new start for yourself. There are very few jobs available in the South-West. He has made it very clear he won't support you and is blackening your reputation amongst his social circle. You have nothing left to lose. Make this the year you get your life back on track! smile.

AmberSocks Fri 04-Jan-13 19:52:42

just read the whole thread,hydro where are you and how are you?

FelicityWasSanta Fri 04-Jan-13 23:43:00

OP are you ok?

Dryjuice25 Sat 05-Jan-13 02:27:57

Got a feeling his mum got the presents, not him?

Astelia Sat 05-Jan-13 06:44:10

I have just read you thread OP and am aghast at what you have put up with. Lapsed's summary is chilling- I hope you can move on and get closure soon from this man.

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