AIB ungrateful?

(176 Posts)
Hydrophilic Tue 25-Dec-12 19:49:52

I would never have thought I would be posting this, I am easy to please!

Me and DP have been together for 3 years, we have had a really crap year together. We relocated for his new (well paid) job and I have struggled to find one. I got a christmas job in retail and worked my butt off to be able to afford presents for him. He wasn't short of expensive suggestions for himself and I got him some really lovely presents. I spent about £100 overall from my wages- which has been a lot for me. I havn't bought anything for myself for a good 6 months- even crippled myself in heels for work as I couldn't afford flat shoes.

He is working today so I am at my parents. I have opened his presents:
-2 bottles of mulled cider
-a box of tea
-a single electric blanket

I am 23 not 83. We live in a mild area of the country, I just dont NEED one. I also know his mother paid for it as he said "he couldnt afford all of it by himself" (that got my hopes up it was a nice treat for me!!

He wrapped it up click and collect packaging and all. Hadnt even bothered to open it to make sure it was the right thing. Price was left on, £39.95. A couple of months ago he thought nothing of buying a £300 leather jacket for himself.

AIBU to just have wanted something pretty and nice for myself?

Hydrophilic Fri 28-Dec-12 19:56:05

It's about to get very complicated Hugo. I have a new job here to start after xmas. I am not in a position to be turning down jobs so will start. Neither of us could afford to live on our own so one of us will move into the spare room.

I will be working Mon-Sat and he has put down for any spare shifts on top of his normal long hours. Hopefully we won't see each other too much.

I have interviews to go back to uni in September so, if all goes to plan, I will be moving out then. I just need to save like crazy.

hugoagogo Fri 28-Dec-12 20:39:41

That sounds really stressful, you sound really strong, but if I was you I would start looking for a flatshare.

Great news on the new job. grin

pinkyredrose Fri 28-Dec-12 20:53:00

Well done OP you sound like you've turned a corner.

Jux Sat 29-Dec-12 11:36:24

Try to think of yourself as single now. This will help you find somewhere else to live.

Twatface will cheat financially one way or another, it may be bills, it may be rent or food, but he will find a way to ensure that he pays less for living there and you pay more. If you find a flatshare or houseshare with someone else you are more likely to live on a financially equitable basis, therefore more likely to save more for September, and more likely to enjoy your time both before then and after.

Please move out asap.

Hydrophilic Sat 29-Dec-12 19:45:22

Jux- Thanks for the advice. I've had a bolt of reality today. I have spent the past 2 evenings alone and have been informed that DP will be driving to where he grew up 2 hours away. Oh and the mutual friends we have whose house we were going to on NYE are going to one of their (and DPs) colleagues party for NYE instead.

I know no one here. I have no friends left who I can talk to. All I have is my mum 5 hours away, who will worry too much about me. She is going through health and job issues at the moment so I don't want her to worry about me.

Bless you, it may look bleak now, but you will be amazed how happy you are when you get on your feet, what a total twat, bollocks to him, and new year, raise a glass to yourself and your much brighter future smile

flow4 Sat 29-Dec-12 20:09:07

Oh Hydro that sounds rubbish. You really do need to get out asap. And make some new friends. And Alien is right: you will feel much happier again when you so. smile

This is a really long shot, and is going to sound a bit mad if my guess is totally wrong, but... I'm wondering whether your nickname means you're a swimmer? If so, this group might help you find some bonkers lovely people (all over the country) and cake something to do that is free/cheap and fun! grin

https://www.facebook.com/groups/outdoorswimmingsociety/

truandrakni Sat 29-Dec-12 20:35:56

Is this a one off? Have birthdays and other Christmas been as bad? If so, it's down hill all the way

Kalisi Sat 29-Dec-12 20:54:38

Op I really feel for you and think you deserve a big clap on the back for your reaction. However Please,please, please reconsider your options. Moving in with him but living seperately will NOT be a good decision for you no matter how practical it may seem.
This is not just about a crap thoughtless Christmas present, there is a control issue here and at the heart of it is a very selfish and manipulative man who ,although you seem to have opened your eyes a little to, still seems to have convinced you that you need him and makes it seem like you have no choice but to keep him in your life.
Just tread carefully.

Jux Sat 29-Dec-12 22:45:25

That is horrid, isn't it? But it is only one NYE, and you will see many more. No comfort, I know.

When you start work, you will almost certainly get a better social life.

Are you in a city, village, small town? You don't have to stay in the exact area you're in now. You can move somewhere that is still close to work, but is new and different with other people about.

You don't need to know anyone to flatshare. You just need to look at adverts in local papers, gumtree, etc. sharing with a stranger(s) could be just what you need right now.

CoolaYuleA Sat 29-Dec-12 23:29:44

Well done for making the decision, could you start looking for a job in your home town? I appreciate that you can't turn jobs down, but that doesn't mean you can't leave one soon after starting if you find one near your Mum.

As for him not being able to afford to live there on his own.... Not your problem. He chose to move for work, without real thought for you, maybe he'd be better able to afford it if he didn't buy Laura Ashley curtains. He's selfish, so you can be too.

upstart68 Sat 29-Dec-12 23:49:58

Hydro - i've seen a few threads in the past couple of days where I thought people were unreasonable (i'd have liked some gold but he bought me a jumper) but tbh I think he's a dead loss. sorry. you deserve better.

I went out with someone for a while and I thought it was going somewhere - we seemed to get on and have a good time - then it came to valentines day. He bought me this kind of jokey card that was in hindsight just horrible. I walked out the next day. He was never going to love me the way I loved him - or would have loved him.

I then met the most gorgeous, lovely man I've ever met. I married him and we have a beautiful dd. i won't say we've not had any problems in life. we have. but I still look at him 17 years later and he is still the nicest man I ever met. He and my dd bought me a necklace this xmas. it wasn't expensive but it's lovely and it means so much to me that they went out together and he let her choose the one she thought was prettiest. it's not gold, it's not valuable but it's exactly right for me in terms of style.

There is something very much better out there for you is what I'm trying to say. Be brave and take the plunge.

HildaOgden Sun 30-Dec-12 00:04:33

Get a refund for his gifts,spend the money on a decent pair of comfortable shoes and use them to walk away from him as quickly as possible.

Do not stay with him until September.Rent a room somewhere,enter a houseshare with someone....do not stay living with him.

ShellyBoobs Sun 30-Dec-12 01:00:00

Things will be much better in the future, OP.

You're doing the right thing in making plans for a new life without your 'DP'. Before you know it, you'll have some new friends and a more positive outlook. You sound really lovely; generous and caring (especially about your mum).

I'm a little surprised he's seemingly so short of money though in that you say neither of you could afford to live alone, given that the move you both made was due to his 'well paid' new job.

Do you think perhaps he was using you to help pay for his choice of where to live rather than the new job being the main reason for moving?

Hydrophilic Mon 31-Dec-12 08:25:41

Well, things have got nasty. We have some lovely paintings I bought from the artist. He had always wanted a painting by the artist and promised to pay me back. Except he didn't and I paid for them all.

He is now arguing that I wouldn't have known they existed without him (maybe...so what?) and that because I havn't paid rent the past couple of months these paintings belong to him hmm. This is the man who told me, if I couldn't get a job, that he'd look after me and pay for the flat.

His mother was only concerned about the paintings, and he's turned all of our once mutual friends against me over the past week by only telling them his side of the story.

EuphemiaInExcelsis Mon 31-Dec-12 09:09:19

You cannot stay with this man. Screw your new job - if you got this job, you can get another.

Can you move in with your mum?

Seriously - the stress of a new job and Himself punishing you for dumping him will be unbearable. Don't put yourself through that.

EuphemiaInExcelsis Mon 31-Dec-12 09:10:07

Oh and take the paintings away NOW!

Montybojangles Mon 31-Dec-12 10:08:34

If he's away tonight then pack all your stuff (including the paintings you paid for, you can always leave him the electric blanket as a consolation prize if you feel generous) and go.
He is just going to wear you down otherwise and you will end up leaving with nothing at all and no self esteem. Go to your mums today and then find a room to rent locally if you really want to start your new job.
Good luck, you deserve better than this .

gettingeasier Mon 31-Dec-12 10:42:52

Did you post a while ago and moving to a new area with him and him being on your case about not working ?

Anyway pack and go taking the paintings et al. Go to your Mums and start looking for a job back there.

You are only 23 smile and this will soon be a blip

manicbmc Mon 31-Dec-12 10:50:07

Think of this as a lucky escape. At least you're not just putting up with it and then get pregnant.

Definitely look into a flat share and get away as soon as you can.

hydro, hoping by now, you and your paintings (cheeky swine) are at your Mums, you can't go on like this, it's death by a thousand cuts, cut your losses and go home.

Jux Mon 31-Dec-12 11:17:13

Please, please pack up your stuff and get out of there. Please.

Osmiornica Mon 31-Dec-12 11:32:45

You need to get out of there. Don't stay there until September - it'll chip away at your confidence and sanity.

TheWheelies Mon 31-Dec-12 11:41:36

Please please leave. With the paintings too. Just get out.

snowtunesgirl Mon 31-Dec-12 11:47:16

Leave. Now.

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