AIB ungrateful?

(176 Posts)
Hydrophilic Tue 25-Dec-12 19:49:52

I would never have thought I would be posting this, I am easy to please!

Me and DP have been together for 3 years, we have had a really crap year together. We relocated for his new (well paid) job and I have struggled to find one. I got a christmas job in retail and worked my butt off to be able to afford presents for him. He wasn't short of expensive suggestions for himself and I got him some really lovely presents. I spent about £100 overall from my wages- which has been a lot for me. I havn't bought anything for myself for a good 6 months- even crippled myself in heels for work as I couldn't afford flat shoes.

He is working today so I am at my parents. I have opened his presents:
-2 bottles of mulled cider
-a box of tea
-a single electric blanket

I am 23 not 83. We live in a mild area of the country, I just dont NEED one. I also know his mother paid for it as he said "he couldnt afford all of it by himself" (that got my hopes up it was a nice treat for me!!

He wrapped it up click and collect packaging and all. Hadnt even bothered to open it to make sure it was the right thing. Price was left on, £39.95. A couple of months ago he thought nothing of buying a £300 leather jacket for himself.

AIBU to just have wanted something pretty and nice for myself?

No YANBU.

Those sound like presents his mother bought. It's not about the cost, it's about the thought. Getting you something he may have heard you saying you really liked earlier in the year etc

If this is just a Blip and he's usually caring and thoughtful then spend far less next year - if it isn't i'd be thinking after just three years it's pretty crap actually.

MummytoKatie Tue 25-Dec-12 23:06:34

When I was 19 my boyfriend bought me a very unsexy present. It wasn't tight - just unsexy. Two months later I finished with him. Two days blush after that I started going out with someone new. Within 18 months we were married. We have now been married for over a decade, have a toddler and a bump. We are happy.

There is better out there for you.

Hydrophilic Wed 26-Dec-12 13:19:58

Am going to take the blanket back and buy a handbag or something today. he's told his mother I don't like the present, so that's going to be awkward next time I meet her.

He said "it was quite expensive" which is rich considering when telling me about the throw pre-christmas he used the phrase "only £35!". They were the same price.

I can't believe he would ask his girlfriend, who has been unemployed for 3 months and not able to claim JSA, for something the same price as a gift he has to split with his mother.... And he practically begged for a stocking again too, I asked him how much he thinks even little things to fill a stocking add up to!

He is genuinely shocked. He can't understand why I would have preferred something to wear. He says he usually buys me jewellerey or clothes that I wear once, but he used to buy me lovely dresses and bits I save for special occassions.

ZebraInHiding Wed 26-Dec-12 13:23:25

sad yanbu

Madlizzy Wed 26-Dec-12 13:37:06

You don't need to see his mother again cos he needs the elbow quick smart. You can do far better than this. xxx

susanann Wed 26-Dec-12 13:43:22

yeah I agree with all the above. Very thoughtless. I would be fuming. Seems like youre doing all the giving (in both senses of the word) in this relationship! You deserve so much better. What does your mum think?

RooneyMara Wed 26-Dec-12 13:47:24

He's a twat. I think you would be happier without him.

He is a mummy's boy with huge issues, from what yuo have described.

I'm so sorry.

HollaAtMeSanta Wed 26-Dec-12 13:48:30

YANBU and he is an arse.

In 10 years time, you will not be with this man, and you will look back and laugh at your 23-year-old foolishness! Bin him and get on with your life.

snowtunesgirl Wed 26-Dec-12 13:49:24

I agree with everyone else. You've given up far too much for far too little.

SugaricePlumFairy Wed 26-Dec-12 13:54:25

What an arse he is and so selfish.

Give serious thought to how he perceives you, the gifts are an odd choice for a girlfriend.

Hydrophilic Wed 26-Dec-12 13:56:37

Susanann- My mum doesn't know how bad our relationship has been for a good 6 months. So all she can see is a practical present. I can see the difference from how I have been treated in previous years. And I see the v.expensive bike, the expensive gym membership, expensive clothes and in the past few weeks the large amount of sports kit he has bought.

susanann Wed 26-Dec-12 14:22:12

maybe you should tell her?

LineRunner Wed 26-Dec-12 14:34:41

My dad is 83 and I got him more exciting presents than that.

CailinDana Wed 26-Dec-12 16:12:13

Why are you suffering with inappropriate shoes when he has an expensive bike etc? In a relationship you should help each other out - he should have bought you a pair of suitable shoes long before now.

Jux Wed 26-Dec-12 17:07:30

The best Xmas present you can give yourself is a life without the twat. Dump him. Seriously. You can do much, much better.

Hydrophilic Wed 26-Dec-12 17:57:08

I have just spilled my heart out to my mum about what is going on. She was shocked but now understands why I was so upset to open the blanket.

She had said she will help in whatever way I need it. I have told her I am planning a slow, calculated retreat.

Madlizzy Wed 26-Dec-12 18:01:24

Good on you. Good luck x

TurnipCake Wed 26-Dec-12 18:02:29

Good for you OP, best gift you could give yourself and glad to hear your mum is being supportive

CwtchesAndCuddles Wed 26-Dec-12 19:50:03

Keep the blanket and LTB.

Fast................

ZebraInHiding Wed 26-Dec-12 20:04:20

Glad to hear you have told your mum.

Adversecalendar Wed 26-Dec-12 20:57:23

My ex was mean with money but loved to spoil himself, your BF is vile. Glad you have confided in your Mum.

Jux Wed 26-Dec-12 22:08:56

Well done, Hydro. Believe us, you'll meet someone who loves you, and you'll look back with your mouth agape.

Good on your mum, too. Happy Christmas!

catsmother Wed 26-Dec-12 23:46:54

Awww, that's so horrid and thoughtless. There's no rhyme or reason to it ... it's not as if you suffer from the cold, nor is it equivalent to you saying, for example, that you'd like a coat, and him getting you a coat - which would at least show he'd listened - even if it wasn't a style you liked or something. Quite clearly he couldn't be bothered - the blanket (plus the very weird tea and cider - which his mum probably had knocking about at the back of her cupboard) was a "that'll do" thing - and he got his bloody mum to buy it - both literally, as in sharing the cost, and practically, because she did all the ever so "hard work" of ordering it online!

There's no way any thought went into that sorry to say.

And all of that would be bad enough but the spoilt entitled bastard more or less insisted (e.g. he had a near strop when he thought he wasn't going to get what he wanted poor diddums) that you buy him exactly what he demanded regardless of your financial situation. He clearly thinks he's far far more important than you ..... so much so that he, with a good steady income can't be arsed for you, yet you, with hardly any money is expected to spend far more on him. That's truly disgusting and insensitive - nasty in fact.

You're only 23 - you don't want or need to waste any more time on this specimen of arrogance.

Hydrophilic Fri 28-Dec-12 19:46:18

I've just got home. He's bought new curtains for the living room from laura ashley.There are blinds up already and the window is huge, I've always put my foot down because we can't afford them and I don't see the point of buying curtains unless necessary in a rented house. I could weep right now. What happened to him "having no money"?.

We have spoken on the phone whilst I am away and I told him I don't want to be with him anymore. I don't want this for my future. He is trying to manipulate me and saying things will get better. They won't.

hugoagogo Fri 28-Dec-12 19:49:57

You're right they won't.

Are you there to get your things?

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