AIBU and V precious about dd2 going unrecognised at school?

(79 Posts)
TheSecondComing Thu 13-Dec-12 14:24:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

upstart68 Fri 14-Dec-12 21:35:03

I kind of see this from the other side.

My dd is good at some things, not so good at others. Recently she scraped into an extention group. She worked in a team one day and they won the prize. I asked her were your answers right? No she said but A and B's were (the other team members). I got mine all wrong.

So she didn't deserve the prize but it gave her a chance to feel what winning felt like. She's been in school three years and never been picked for anything and never won a prize. She was so happy and so proud.

Yours will win loads of prizes - give it time. But don't make a fuss and take the joy away from this other dc.

TheSecondComing Fri 14-Dec-12 13:31:47

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MummytoKatie Fri 14-Dec-12 13:11:52

So your dd is working at Year 2 level and she did a piece of work for her friend that is working at Year R level? Well - it's no wonder her friend got praised!

Not sure what the right thing to do here is. Maybe mention to the teacher without turning it into a big drama.

However, I think that is minor in comparison to the fact that this may not be the right school for your dd. There are two possibilities here - one is that your dd is genuinely gifted. The other is that she is a very bright little girl who appears gifted in the context of the school.

If it is the second then there may be another school where she would be able to stay in her own class for lessons. Or maybe move to Y1 rather than Y2. Which has to be a better situation from a general "happy at school" point of view.

KurriKurri Fri 14-Dec-12 12:10:36

I think if you are bothered by this, and your DD is bothered (and that's very understandable - the mix up over the Christmas list would feel like a very big injustice at her age) then you should say something - it shows your DD you will fight her corner if she's upset.

If you go in tactfully, point out the mistake (but don't make a huge issue of it) and say you are concerned your DD is not getting the rewards when she is trying v. hard, - what does she need to do to in her work to merit an award etc etc (i.e go in with the attitude of you and the teacher between you, tackling a problem) then I don't think they will think you are a loon. (And actually it doesn't really matter if they do - what matters is that you feel you want to do something, so you should do it.)

good luck smile

Oh I'm not taking offence i was just wondering as let's face it my dd is a genius now grin haha kidding if she shut up for 5 minutes there might be some hope!!
I would maybe mention to the teacher that all children are not being recognised for their achievements despite how fabulous these might be, iyswim.

TheSecondComing Fri 14-Dec-12 10:27:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I think YANBU to mention quietly to the teacher that the work was in fact your daughters but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.
I also wouldn't panic about the 'recognition' for your daughter, my dd's school ensure throughout the year that all children get at least 1 certificate in the year. I know this as this happened to my dd last year grin
I shall add though that when my dd started school she couldn't read does that put her in the 'fairly low achieving cohort' or just make me a shit parent?

TheSecondComing Fri 14-Dec-12 09:53:52

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diddl Fri 14-Dec-12 09:35:28

It may well have been a joint effort-in which case one getting no recognition is still shit.

I´d have to say something.

RedHelenB Fri 14-Dec-12 09:32:15

Noit really, it will soon be apparent what child does what. And if op hasn't seen the work im question how can she be sure that the child did not put pen to paper.

diddl Fri 14-Dec-12 09:25:55

"I can imagine the teacher rather dismissing it but giving you a sort of mental tick on a list you don't want to be on"

The teacher wouldn´t want to know that she gave credit to a child for work that wasn´t hers??

ApplesinmyPocket Fri 14-Dec-12 08:55:40

Hello TSC, was it you who gave me my best-ever laugh on MN? 'Your minge, I can see your minge!' (apols if I've remembered it wrong. Though it would be quite funny given the topic if I'd given you credit for a quip that wasn't yours! grin

As for the Christmas list, I totally understand how you feel, perfectly natural, we feel so much for our DC when there's an injustice like this. I'd absolutely be tempted to say something to the teacher on the lines of some of the good suggestions on here. HOWever, I do think it's one of those occasions where you might eventually feel relieved that you DIDN'T say anything. I think it might make you look a bit sour and spoilsporty, unfair though that is. I can imagine the teacher rather dismissing it but giving you a sort of mental tick on a list you don't want to be on (I could be quite wrong!) Isn't it one of those occasions you will look back on and think 'I'm glad I didn't say anything, with hindsight...phew'?

Your clever little DD2 not getting a certificate is, as you say, a different matter and I don't think it's unreasonable to gently hope aloud at some parent-teacher meeting that your DD is full of anticipation that she has worked hard and might soon be in the running, almost with a laugh - 'you know what kids are like!' - if time goes on and it looks like she really has been overlooked.

Bless her, I like the sound of her imagination - being the Christmas Elf!

diddl Fri 14-Dec-12 08:27:53

Surely the other parents would want to know that the little girl has been praised/rewarded for work that isn´t hers?

RedHelenB Fri 14-Dec-12 08:10:50

30 children in a class & maybe 13 weeks of term, so more than half a class will not have got star of the week!!!

Meglet Fri 14-Dec-12 07:42:53

They don't rotate Star of the Week. DS is in Y1 now and hasn't got a thing since he started school. No present boxes, class certificates, nothing. He's not 'under the radar' and is doing really well in reading and maths.

<Very bitter and will be speaking to his teacher in the new year>.

RedHelenB Fri 14-Dec-12 07:27:42

s a teacher & a parent I think you are so wrong about bright well behaved children not getting recognition - they are always the ones that get picked for special things, get speaking roles in plays etc. It's the quiet middle of the road plodders that are more likely to get overlooked ime.

TheSecondComing Thu 13-Dec-12 20:31:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kinkyfuckery Thu 13-Dec-12 20:20:15

So let me get this straight, the teacher isn't aware that someone else (your DD) did the other child's work? And the other child was rewarded on that work? And noone has told the teacher, but you're pissed off that she's not psychic?

IWishIWasSheRa Thu 13-Dec-12 19:50:21

I agree with onebadback I have a yr2 dd and she does well tries her best and for the past few years has struggled to understand why she has 2 stars and the difficult child in the class has 30.
I also feel for the teacher who is having to use the stars to reward behaviour that should be expected- but I now put myself in the shoes of the other childs mum- anything that helps the other child modify his behaviour is a blessing! I explain to my dd when she queries it that "he needs more help behaving the way you know how to, but the teacher knows how well you are doing and you should be proud of yourself' I once considered speaking to previous teachers about lack of recognition for good work but then played them at their own game- when dd got a star I wrote in her contact book how much it had meant to her and how she was going to try extra hard to earn some more!

I have friends who are teachers and they hate the star system but my dds teacher is very fair this year and the difference is amazing- she really does have a knack of rewarding great behaviour and work- but I think she is the exception and the best we can do in future is to help our kids be self motivated by their effort and attainment!

Rudolphstolemycarrots Thu 13-Dec-12 19:45:07

Tell the teacher that 'I just had to laugh during assembly when they were holding up my DD's letter/drawing and rewarding other girl for something she didn't do. It was so funny but at the same time DD was v upset' . And let the teacher sort it out.

TheSecondComing Thu 13-Dec-12 19:42:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InNeedOfBrandyButter Thu 13-Dec-12 19:41:05

I know in our school the star of the week was rotated and nothing to do with who had been doing their best that week in reception. Now in Yr1 and 2 it's still evened out fairly so every dc will get it at least once but it's also more whta they are doing to earn it to.

Does your dd do any outside clubs? In my dc's school any certs/medals/badges they can bring in on a friday and get clapped in assembly along with the star of the week (1 in each class) and then the head teacher award (1 child in the whole school) which doesn't get handed about willy nilly. my wonderful pfb got it once was so proud

Onebadbackandalostpelvicfloor Thu 13-Dec-12 19:35:07

I totally sympathise with you OP and its always the bright, well behaved ones who go unrecognised. I have a y3 child who is doing y6 level literacy and maths and is, as described at parents evening, "an exceptional child" yet this has never been recognised within any school reward system.

My child is very pissed off about it, especially as little joe in the corner who is a brat gets rewarded at every assembly for sitting still for 5mins. They cannot rationalise that they are doing everything asked of them and getting no recognition but behave like a toad and you get heaps of praise.

Schools piss me right off.

Narked Thu 13-Dec-12 19:33:12

Talk to the school. If your DD is in reception and having lessons with Yr2 the chances are she's falling through the cracks when it comes to recognising her efforts. All children need to feel encouraged, regardless of ability.

plantsitter Thu 13-Dec-12 19:32:51

I can imagine how pissed off I'd be if someone else was given a prize for my work! I don't think there's anything wrong with showing your DD you will stick up for her (and therefore she is allowed to stick up for herself - no reason girls should pretend to be less bright than they are just so they don't cause a fuss).

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