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AIBU and V precious about dd2 going unrecognised at school?

(79 Posts)
TheSecondComing Thu 13-Dec-12 14:24:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I did have a word with her, the response was "well I do remind the class to put them on"

This is a child who comes out having forgot her coat/lunchbox/bag/book every single blooming night, she is not going to be able to remember to colour in squares!

She has also never had the reward trophy, nor star of the day, nor been allowed to pick from the prize box.

She has had an assembly prize box (pencil or well done card) twice and top table once. All by another teacher for good manners and helping but never by her own.

She is daft enough to stick her hand up when the teacher asks who has been in the paper box/paints tray/sink and ends up having to clean it up alone even if she has not made the mess because none of the other kids put their hands up.

[bitter]

TheSecondComing Thu 13-Dec-12 15:18:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

No you have not offended TSC smile

I worked in a school where the bottom group where the only ones who ever got any recognition, another where it was always the "naughty ones" so I do understand.

A good teacher should be able to find a way to praise and award every single child.

There must be something no matter how big how small a child has done a good job at and can get recognition.

It is infuriating for me too. DS1 is SEN, was way behind the class, and then suddenly made a massive leap in year 2 and 3 with the help of a nurture group. He has had 2 certificates recognising his achievement. (Which he deserves because he's worked very hard). DS2 is consistantly average, and tries hard in everything. He hasn't got a certificate of merit at all (he's in Y2). He's finding it a bit demoralising and now won't do reading/homework with out a struggle. sad.

diddl Germany Thu 13-Dec-12 15:24:48

I would want the teacher to know that a child had been praised for work that wasn´t hers.

I think I´d leave it at that though.

I can see that it must be upsetting if she´s not getting praise, but tbh, if she´s having a pretty easy ride so far-thank your lucky stars!

complexnumber Thu 13-Dec-12 15:32:19

Sorry, no help at all. But I had pictured a small child going into school with a fake beard and moustache (possibly glasses) so they wouldn't be recognised.

(I actually tried this when I was 7... thanks mum!)

drjohnsonscat Thu 13-Dec-12 15:43:43

I think the OP has had an unduly hard time. My DD's class is overall high achieving. It's just a fact. On average some classes will be less high achieving for many, many reasons. She was just trying to put some context behind her statements and was quick to de-stealth-boast her post.

I wouldn't say anything about this assembly in particular but wait and make sure DD is praised at assembly at some point soon. No need to make it about this particular child getting praise for work that wasn't hers.

diddl Germany Thu 13-Dec-12 15:46:01

Yes, I had to laugh too complex as for some reason when my daughter started the same 2ndry school as her brother, she was known as "the famous xxx"!

youarewinning Thu 13-Dec-12 15:46:45

If it helps and you care?! I got what you meant as a low acheiving cohort. It's not offensive and even OFSTED comment on children entering school largely below, at or above national expectations. People can say what they like but it happens in areas yer on year or as a one off year. My friend teaches year 2 and has always met targets for SAT until last year but looking back at the level the children started and finished year R on was the lowest the school has seen for 6 years she's been there. TBH I think people settled on low acheiving and thought you meant under acheivers but I got or thought you meant! that they started school lower than expected level and thats partly why your DD stands out more not because she's exceptionally bright (although clearly she is wink). Its a shame your attempt to underplay your DD;s abilities have been used as a stick to beat you with.

As for speaking to the teacher, I would. Just say DD was upset as she had written that list. Explain you understand that for DD it may not have been an all singing and dancing assembly piece of work but for a 5yo seeing her friend get praised over for something they did is upsetting. Plus its not fair on the other child when the teacher sudddenly expects this standard of work from her again.

RedHelenB Thu 13-Dec-12 16:53:15

Have you seen the piece of work? How do you know for definite that it's noit the other girl's?

WeWilsonAMerryChristmas Thu 13-Dec-12 17:04:01

But how do you know that only two children can read?

Sneepy United States Thu 13-Dec-12 17:23:57

Also if your DD is already 5, then she is probably older than the rest of the class. I just don't think you can say "low achieving cohort" and get away with it. Most 4 & 5 yo reception children I know are not free readers yet (DD2 just brought her first reading book home this week) and we are in a "high achieving" area.

I'd have a problem with the school recognizing academic stuff in assembly at this stage when there is such a wide range of abilities at reception stage. Is it a very pushy school?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Thu 13-Dec-12 17:41:30

I agree that your child is likely to be the oldest in the class if she is already 5 and she has only been at school a term.

You are being precious. There are other ways to praise and recognise good things in children without having to have an assembly about it, and I'm sure your dd is having her fair share of those things.

carocaro Thu 13-Dec-12 18:02:25

"This opinion (and it's not too far off the mark) was arrived at by general conversations with friends"

This makes me slap my hand to my forehead in disbelief. So the 'low cohort/only 2 can read/not far off the mark' has been arrived at my a minority of parents, some of which have nothing to do with the school, who don't actually know for sure and just gossiped in the playground/on a weekend away about it.

The golden rule of school and how not to piss off other parents, teachers and children is to concentrate on your child and your child only and not make up totaly crap about other kids based on hearsay and your own opinions. You seriously all talked about this on your weekend away?

You can shout it from the rooftops about how well your child is doing but certainly not at the expense of others, of whom you actually know very little. How would you think other parents would feel if they knew you had deemed their children 'low-cohorts'? Would you like it if you had found out they had called your daughter something horrible eg: bright but dull/can read but can barely socialise, must be low self esteem/self worth? Not pleasant at all. You will, if you try, make some great friendships with Mums at school and you all be worth your weight in gold to each other, helping each other out, sharing the experience together etc etc, so try not to be so narrow minded and opinionated and you might actually enjoy it instead of being hooked up on stats!

JoanByers Thu 13-Dec-12 18:05:48

You know that they rotate these 'star of the week' prizes? Everyone gets one.

All must have prizes.

It doesn't mean anything.

AvonCallingBarksdale Thu 13-Dec-12 18:15:13

At DD's infants they seem to rotate the star of the week things - they always manage to find something to praise pupils for. FWIW, I could read freely before I started at school (preen), but I can safely say that I'm not any more advanced a reader than my peers now! Is DD your first child, OP? It's unusual for kids to be free readers in reception, so she's obviously doing well, but they all catch up in the end, even the "low-achieving cohort" wink

lljkk Netherlands Thu 13-Dec-12 18:45:24

yanbu. I dont' see why you wouldn't inform the teacher about the mis-attributed piece of work, or that your DD was feeling put out. But you might be U if you expect anything in particular to happen on back of it. So have to help your DD to deal with small disappointments. See the things she has rather than the things she hasn't.

TheSecondComing Thu 13-Dec-12 18:53:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lljkk Netherlands Thu 13-Dec-12 18:57:23

TSC: just hide the thread. It's doing you no good at all.

Oh, but read my post first, I'm sure it was reasonably wise. wink

cloutiedumpling Thu 13-Dec-12 19:05:41

They may use the "shout out" to encourage kids who, for whatever reason, are thought to need encouragement. I've heard of such a system being used to try to encourage good behaviour. This does seem to dishearten the kids at the school who are quiet and get on with their work, but also seems to prevent disruptive behaviour too so I suppose it benefits everyone in the long run.

TheSecondComing Thu 13-Dec-12 19:15:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeWe Thu 13-Dec-12 19:23:34

Actually I think it would be sensible to have a quick word with the teacher. If the teacher had given a sticker in class then I'd leave it though.

Thing is, if they teacher tends to give every child a turn, it could be their only certificate, and I think it could make a child feel rather bad to have their only certificate for someone else's work. Also some teachers might well look at other work the child has done and think "that's not up to the previous standard, and not reward them for something they've worked hard on.

I'd say something along the lines of "Please don't make a fuss about it, but the "Anna's list" was actually done by my dd." I wouldn't particularly want my dd to get the certificate, or the other child to lose it though. I wouldn't say anything about the certificate.

RillaBlythe Thu 13-Dec-12 19:26:26

Anna's Christmas list? hmm

Thing is if they are only doing these assemblies once a fortnight, dd only has had, what, 8 chances of being mentioned, & that is if they single out someone from every class each time. Is this whole school or just infants?

Timetoask Thu 13-Dec-12 19:26:54

I would talk to the teacher about your dd not being recognised in assembly (for over a year). The school might think that because she is doing so well her confidence doesn't need to be nurtured.

lljkk Netherlands Thu 13-Dec-12 19:26:59

I'd probably be a happier person if I too could transfer some of my perceived MN Twattishness to Real Life.

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