To think it's not normal to regularly call your teenage daughter a 'fucking little slut'

(55 Posts)
Crumpetlover Thu 13-Dec-12 09:40:31

And that it's verging on abusive.

AIBU?

Cherylkerl Thu 13-Dec-12 09:43:02

That's not verging on. That is abusive. Not normal.

ImperialSantaKnickers Thu 13-Dec-12 09:43:49

No, it is not normal.

MrsKeithRichards Thu 13-Dec-12 09:43:51

That's vile.

Crumpetlover Thu 13-Dec-12 09:45:09

I was that teenager. It was my dad that called me it, amongst other things. He seems to think it was ok

caramelwaffle Thu 13-Dec-12 09:46:36

It is abusive.

MrsKeithRichards Thu 13-Dec-12 09:47:00

God no, what an awful way to grow up. Have you tried talking about it with his I take it? I hope you can get some support to deal with this.

Anniegetyourgun Thu 13-Dec-12 09:47:32

Verging on abusive? How about very, very abusive shock

What a horrible man. I bet you were nothing of the sort anyway, but even if you shagged the Brigade of Guards in the hallway on a nightly basis no parent should even think, let alone use, terms like that about their own child.

littlewhitebag Thu 13-Dec-12 09:47:45

That is not right and is emotionally abusive. Who is doing this? Is any of it justified in the eyes of the person saying it? Is the teenager going out late, wearing provocative clothing/make up, seeing boys? Normal teen behaviour which they are not liking? This parent needs help!

monal Thu 13-Dec-12 09:48:01

My mum did that, bless her. I was such a little shrinking violet as well at the time. She would deny it now though. Good times.

Crumpetlover Thu 13-Dec-12 09:48:09

My parents were both what I deem to be emotionally abusive to me. I've tried to tackle them both but they've always made out I'm the awkward one, I was difficult to get on with, they were good parents etc etc etc. Apparently it was all my fault and if I behaved like other children did it wouldnt' have happened. I also used to get hit regularly, last time was when I was about 20 and living at home.

helpyourself Thu 13-Dec-12 09:48:42

It's abusive. Are you ok crumpetlover?

littlewhitebag Thu 13-Dec-12 09:48:51

Okay - i now see it was you that was called this. I assume you are older now? Does it still rankle? How is he with you now?

Crumpetlover Thu 13-Dec-12 09:48:57

No, no slut like behaviour at all from me. I was just a normal teenager.

MayaAngelCool Thu 13-Dec-12 09:50:05

What a horrible man he must have been to live with, you poor thing Crumpet. And the fact that he refuses to see it from your perspective now shows that he has very little, if any, integrity.

I would seriously question a parent's love for their child if they spoke to them like that, repeatedly.

Have you ever sought counselling for the emotional abuse? Presumably this was not an isolated insult.

Crumpetlover Thu 13-Dec-12 09:50:31

My parents are both ok with me now, but have this sort of attitude towards me like I'm difficult and I'm the black sheep of the family. I grew up thinking I was a terrible person but couldn't understand why I was this terrible person when I didn't say/do terrible things. I think they brainwashed me tbh.

I'm ok helpyourself, just feel hatred towards my parents really

littlewhitebag Thu 13-Dec-12 09:50:41

I keep x posting - sorry. It sounds like you have been both physically and emotionally abused. Is this having an ongoing effect on you? Maybe counselling would help?

My dad used to regularly call me 'dickhead' when I was a teenager. He meant it in an amusing way as it was never "fucking dickhead" or said in an argument or with hate. However, one day when I was 15, I obviously decided I'd had enough and when he called it me again I told him to "fuck off". I've never seen my dad go red and he kicked me in the leg. I ran upstairs to my room. My mum came in and started to have a go and I screamed at her that I was fed up of being called 'dickhead' and dad was lucky I hadn't told him to fuck off before. I slept for 24 straight hours and was hauled off to the doctors where I was diagnosed with depression.

He never called me anything remotely derogatory ever again.

Crumpetlover Thu 13-Dec-12 09:53:22

I've been having counselling for around a year, but I feel I can't move on from how my parents were. I limit contact with them but feel I can't move on totally unless I cut them off.

MayaAngelCool Thu 13-Dec-12 10:00:37

Crumpet, well done for taking positive steps to rid yourself of the legacy of emotional abuse. It took many years of continual put-downs to make you feel this bad about yourself; it's going to take a long time to put things right again. But you canget there. Be gentle on yourself.

Cherylkerl Thu 13-Dec-12 10:00:44

It's hard crumpet but sometimes has to be done in order to save yourself. It's a very personal decision. I've gone no-contact on my not so dear mother, it works for me. It's not easy all the time, but it's preferable to the alternative.

Counselling sounds like you're being proactive to get over a horrible time though. Hugs x

Definitely not normal crumpetlover. It was one of my mothers favourite insults too. Shortish skirt? Fucking slut. Buying anything other than poundstretchers underwear? Fucking slut. Meeting friends? Fucking slut. Messy bedroom? Fucking slut.

My mother also likes to rewrite history and claim I was an awful teen too. I have now not had contact with her for two years. Best decision ever- I have a daughter and I refuse to allow my mother to treat her like she treated me.

Crumpetlover Thu 13-Dec-12 10:05:24

Thank you everyone for the lovely replies smile

Statistically I too have daughters and I've noticed my parents are starting to treat them like they treated me.

With my parents, one of the main things was that I wasn't allowed to have friends. If I went to a friend's house for tea, I wouldn't get spoken to for days afterwards. Or if I said anyone else's mum or dad was nice, my mum would tell me to go and live with them and start packing a holdall of my stuff.....

Cherylkerl Thu 13-Dec-12 10:08:10

More abusive behaviour there. Normal parents want their daughter to have friends and enjoy meeting other people. Normal nice parents don't sulk and freeze out their children - even if they've done something genuinely 'bad' they still talk to them.

SoftKittyWarmKitty Thu 13-Dec-12 10:12:47

OP, you seriously need to think about cutting contact once and for all, otherwise their behaviour will damage and hurt your DDs as it has you.

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